CricketGirl Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 sorry there uk jokes more appreciated here lol A taxi with 4 Pakis in it has just slammed into a bus queue of 40 more pakis in Bradford. Its carnage, there's bodies everywhere! Carlsberg don't do faulty cars, but thank **** Toyota do... dont u think ur a little extreme?? a little paki bashing is ok here and there but it seems most of your jokes are either offensive to pakis or women!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CricketGirl Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 INSTALLING HUSBAND!!! A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Reply DEAR Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2..0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shubham45 Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 INSTALLING HUSBAND!!! A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? you darling..........waise good joke........:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Signed, Reply DEAR Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2..0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 A man's wife hits him across the head. He says "Wot's that for?" She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it". Quick as a flash he says "thats the name of a horse i bet on today, u silly cow" - she apologises. A week later she hits him over the head with a frying pan! He says, "What the **** was that for?". She replies, "Your ****ing horse phoned!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Based on statistics, the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style - the husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 A son asks his dad the difference between theoretically & realistically. Dad says that's hard,but I have an idea. Ask mum if she would sleep with ex pm tony blair for £1million. Mum says yes.Dad says now ask your sister if she would.Sister says yes. Dad says go ask your brother. He says yes. Well there u go son,that's your answer, theoretically we're sitting on £3million quid, but realistically we're living with 2 slags and a batty boy . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town they were about 2 have sex when the girl stopped . I really shound have mentioned this earlier but im actually a hooker and I charge 20pounds for sex the man reluctantly paid her and they did their thing after a cigarette the man just sat in the the drivers seat looking out the window why arent we going any were asked the girl well I should have mentioned this befor but im actually a taxi driver and the fare back to town is 20pounds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 11, 2010 Author Share Posted February 11, 2010 Quote by CricketGirl dont u think ur a little extreme?? a little paki bashing is ok here and there but it seems most of your jokes are either offensive to pakis or women!! sorry cricket girl lots of these jokes are sent to me by women n pakistanis they laugh n accept it in good humour,in fact i dont think im offensive to women i love women especially the attractive good natured good personality with a good laugh..as im sure most guys do......:haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 :(( Few were OK but on the whole, dissapointing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 :(( Few were OK but on the whole, dissapointing add to that...the jokes failed to do what they are supposed to: MAKE ME LAUGH :((:((:((:(( and ekdum :fail: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 INSTALLING HUSBAND!!! A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Reply DEAR Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2..0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7. Good Luck Madam! COPYCAT :nono: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 Woman and baby go 2 the docs. Doc's concerned about baby's weight and asks "ls he bottle or breast fed?" Woman replies breast fed, so the doc asks her 2 strip 2 the waist. Doc then pinches and sucks her nipples, & rubs both her tits 4 a while. "No wonder the baby is under weight, U've got no milk" says doc. "I know", says woman "I'm his Gran, but I'm ****ing glad I came!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 Young lad pulls an older woman at a club. She's 58 but looks very good for her age. On the way back to her house bloke is thinking mmm! i bet her daughter is hot. When out of the blue she asks if he'd like a Sportsman's Double? "Wots that?" he asks. "It's a Mother & daughter threesome!" he says. "WOW YES PLEASE" So as they go in her front door, she puts the hall light on & shouts " Mum are you still awake?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 12, 2010 Author Share Posted February 12, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4,00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hiten. Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] OMFG :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laaloo Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karan114 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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