EnterTheVoid Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] pharking brilliant :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] LMFAO :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadoo Posted February 13, 2010 Share Posted February 13, 2010 I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4' date='00,0000 pakis have added me as a friend![/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Thats a fecking cracker!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 a Prostitute in the police station. The desk officer says "so when did you realise you were raped?" She says "When the cheque bounced!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 13, 2010 Author Share Posted February 13, 2010 NOW ON SALE AT IKEA - lesbian beds - No screwing involved. Its all tongue and groove! Paddy says to Mick "I've been chatting to this 14 yr old wee girl online. She's funny, sexy & flirty. Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How cool is that at 14?!" Just got back from the hospital. They reckon I might have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - but at the moment it's hard to say...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� � !!!Sonia Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Sperm Count A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� � !!!Sonia Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 To My Dear Wife During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess your new hair-do 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just layed there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� � !!!Sonia Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Life After Death "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� � !!!Sonia Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 The Lawyer One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them along," replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "You come with us too". "But sir, I have a wife and six children," the second man answered. "Bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as a limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place, the grass is almost a foot tall." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
� � !!!Sonia Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Intelligence A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 NOW ON SALE AT IKEA - lesbian beds - No screwing involved. Its all tongue and groove! Paddy says to Mick "I've been chatting to this 14 yr old wee girl online. She's funny, sexy & flirty. Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How cool is that at 14?!" Just got back from the hospital. They reckon I might have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis - but at the moment it's hard to say...... A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar open!" During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess your new hair-do 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just layed there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. :((:((:(( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the employee replied. "Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you." One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them along," replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "You come with us too". "But sir, I have a wife and six children," the second man answered. "Bring them as well," answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as a limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place, the grass is almost a foot tall." :haha::haha::haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 a Prostitute in the police station. The desk officer says "so when did you realise you were raped?" She says "When the cheque bounced!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 a Prostitute in the police station. The desk officer says "so when did you realise you were raped?" She says "When the cheque bounced!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shubham45 Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted February 14, 2010 Author Share Posted February 14, 2010 Three scaffolders, Steve, Dave and Bruce are working on a high rise; one of them (Steve) falls to his death. The other two have to decide who will break the news to his missus. Dave decides he'll do it as he's pretty good at that caring sentimental stuff and off he trots. Three hours later he's back with a crate of Stella under his arm. "Where'd you get that mate?" asks Bruce. "Steve's missus gave me it." "So you told her, her husbands dead, and she gave you a crate of Stella?" "Well, not exactly. When she opened the door I said, "hi you must be Steve's widow." She replied that she wasn't a widow and I said, "I bet you a crate of Stella you ****in' are." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hiten. Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 My girlfriend has just found out she was adopted, She is devastated and keeps asking "Why didn't they want me?" I took her in my arms and comforted her, after a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me to make love to her, which led to more tears, On reflection, banging her up the **** and shouting "Who's your Daddy" was a little insensitive i guess. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 My girlfriend has just found out she was adopted, She is devastated and keeps asking "Why didn't they want me?" I took her in my arms and comforted her, after a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me to make love to her, which led to more tears, On reflection, banging her up the **** and shouting "Who's your Daddy" was a little insensitive i guess. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dev.goswami Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 My girlfriend has just found out she was adopted, She is devastated and keeps asking "Why didn't they want me?" I took her in my arms and comforted her, after a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me to make love to her, which led to more tears, On reflection, banging her up the **** and shouting "Who's your Daddy" was a little insensitive i guess. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karan114 Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 My girlfriend has just found out she was adopted, She is devastated and keeps asking "Why didn't they want me?" I took her in my arms and comforted her, after a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me to make love to her, which led to more tears, On reflection, banging her up the **** and shouting "Who's your Daddy" was a little insensitive i guess. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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