Jump to content

jokes


punjabiplaya

Recommended Posts

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into myapartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into theapartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I caught my seven year-old son about to steal a biscuit from the cupboard. I said, "Oi, I wouldn't do that if I was you" He said, "No, but you'd put your co*k in Auntie Sarahs a*se while Mum was at work" I said, "There's some chocolate ones in the fridge"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Gunner
I caught my seven year-old son about to steal a biscuit from the cupboard. I said, "Oi, I wouldn't do that if I was you" He said, "No, but you'd put your co*k in Auntie Sarahs a*se while Mum was at work" I said, "There's some chocolate ones in the fridge"
:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A guy came home from work and his wife said, "I washed your England shirt for you today." He said, "What England shirt?" She said, "The red one that was in the frame on the wall. Whoever Bobby Moore is, tell him to stop drawing all over your clothes!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Gunner
A guy came home from work and his wife said' date=' "I washed your England shirt for you today." He said, "What England shirt?" She said, "The red one that was in the frame on the wall. Whoever Bobby Moore is, tell him to stop drawing all over your clothes!"[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Paki's Prayer. Our Father Who Art In Bolton, Patel Be Thy Name, Thy Curry Come, Thy Stinging Bum, On Earth As It Is In Oldham, Give Us This Day Our Daily Naan And Forgive Us Our Smell And Help Those Who Smell Us. Lead Us Not Into Employment, But Deliver Us All Benefits, For Thine Is The Prayer Mat, The Nissan Almera, For Ever And Ever, Achmed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...