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Cricket : Funny Quotes


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http://www.cricketmanager.co.uk/quote.php *** "His tail is literally up! - TREVOR BAILEY" "It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's been a good, entertaining day's cricket. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "Clearly the West Indie are going to play their normal game, which is what they normally do. - TONY GREG" "These past five weeks have passed at the drop of a pin. - RACHEL HEYHOE-FLINT" "In the back of Hughes mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" :cheese: "A wicket could always fall in this game, literally at any time. - TREVOR BAILEY" "These past five weeks have passed at the drop of a pin. - RACHEL HEYHOE-FLINT" "Tavare has literally dropped anchor. - TREVOR BAILEY" "Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "No, I am not going for a curry and a few beers tonight. - TIM WHITELY" "And we have just heard, although this is not the latest score from Bournemouth, that Hampshire have beaten Nottinghamshire by nine wickets. - PETER WEST" "It's especially tense for parker who's literally fighting for a place on an overcrowded plane to India. - TREVOR BAILEY" "A little less tilde-ishly, there are always Tony Grieg's gems. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "His tail is literally up! - TREVOR BAILEY" "Boycott, somewhat a creature of habit, likes exactly the sort of food he himself prefers. - DON MOSEY" "It's a unique occasion, really - a repeat of Melbourne 1977. - JIM LAKER" :cheese: "Bill Frindall has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator. - JOHN ARLOTT" "Once again our consistency has been proved to be inconsisent. - DAVID GRAVENEY" "Tavare has literally dropped anchor. - TREVOR BAILEY" "The Test Match begins in ten minutes - that's our time, of course. - DAVID COLEMAN" "At the end of this match at the Sydney ground the lights have gone out like a flash. - CHRISTOPHER MARTIN-JENKINS" "Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "It's his second finger - technically his third. - CHRISTOPHER MARTIN-JENKINS" ""He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "The game's a little bit wide open again. - FRED TRUEMAN" "Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final. - FRED TRUEMAN" "England need to pick players who do not have skeletons in their coffins. - IAN BOTHAM" "To stay in, you've got to not get out. - GEOFF BOYCOTT" "Well, Wally, Ive been watching this game both visually and on TV - KEN BARRINGTON" "The hallmark of a great captain is his ability to win the toss at the right time. - RICHIE BENAUD" "If you are going to lose, you might as well lose good and proper and try to sneak a win. - TED DEXTER" "...now Botham, with a chance to put everything that's gone before, behind him. - TONY COSIER" "Well, he didn't quite get his leg over, did he? - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "Other than his mistakes, he hasn't put a foot wrong. - SIMON HUGHES" "After their 60 overs, West Indies have scored 244 for 7, all out. - FRANK BOUGH" "Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" :cheese: "But one who seeks to capture the real spirit of cricket must turn to Tony Benneworth. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "this series has been swings and pendulums all the way through. - TREVOR BAILEY" "He came in from the outfield there like an absolute rabbit. - HENRY BLOFELD" It's only a matter of time before the end of this innings. - MICHAEL PESCHARDT" "This shirt is unique, there are only 200 of them. - RICHIE BENAUD" "And Jajeda is dijappointed...Jadeja is ji..da..I'll come again, Jajeda..okay Jadeja looks downcast. - BRIAN JOHNSTON" "Hardie was a good solid rock upon which Essex hung their caps. - PETER WALKER"
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Re: Cricket : Funny Quotes from http://www.cootcomics.com/ THE ASHES 2005 Are you Bangladesh in disguise? Barmy Army He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne. Barmy Army Get your sh*t stars off our flag. Barmy Army You're only good at swimming. Barmy Army, The Oval, 2005 Daft cricket. They slog your good balls and get out to your bad ones. Matthew Hoggard That Glenn McGrath ... what a bastard. Mick Jagger Jason Gillespie is a 30-year-old in a 36-year-old body. Bob Willis I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast. Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out The number of fumbles, misfields and grabs at thin air brought to mind some England performances of the past ... a team full of dobbers and crap fielders? It has been said about every England touring team to Australia in the past 15 years. It's nice to be able to return the compliment. Michael Atherton Ricky Ponting continues to believe that the lbw law simply doesn't exist. And Andrew Symonds has to work out how to get his hip flask onto the field without the Sky cameras noticing. Dan Nicoll The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use. Richie Benaud ENGLAND vs. AUSTRALIA Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England. James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family. Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough. Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's Tap that one down you little b*stard. Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of gardening Take a good look at this arse of mine, you'll see plenty of it this summer. David Steele to Rodney Marsh You are a damned lot of sneaks. WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877 They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers. Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879 The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia. Jim Laker The Australian temper is at bottom grim. It is as though the sun has dried up his nature Sir Neville Cardus I know plenty of professionals whom I would delight to have as guests in my home, but I'm afraid I cannot say the same thing about most Australians I have met. AW Carr The traditional dress of the Australian cricketer is the baggy green cap on the head and the chip on the shoulder. Both are ritualistically assumed. Simon Barnes writing for The Times Aussies are big and empty, just like their country. Ian Botham All you Aussies are a bunch of hicks who don't know the first thing about cricket. Ian Botham If you're playing against the Australians you dont walk. Ian Botham Chappell was a coward. He needed a crowd around him before he would say anything. He was sour like milk that had been sitting in the sun for a week. Ian Botham Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare. Mike Brearley As harrowing occupations go, there can't be much to choose between the Australian cricket captaincy and social work on Skid Row. Doug Ibbotson A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life, if one was deaf. Harold Larwood Well bowled Harold! Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob. Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series. If we don't beat you we'll knock your bloody heads off. Bill Voce Are you aware, sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed? Eric Morecambe to Dennis Lillee The mincing run-up resembles someone in high heels and a panty girdle chasing after a bus. Martin Johnson on Merv Hughes The Aussies try to present a tough guy image, but this present generation are a bunch of cissies. Tony Grieg The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers. Michael Atherton If they stop throwing, cricket in Australia will die. Tommy Andrews Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it would help the cause. Gladstone Small Shane Warne is thicker than a complete set of Wisden yearbooks. Matt Price I have on occasion taken a quite reasonable dislike to the Australians. Ted Dexter REST OF THE WORLD vs. AUSTRALIA The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol. Barry Richards, 1980 Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you? Malcolm Marshall to David Boon You convicts are all the same. Malcolm Marshall to Steve Waugh after he refused to walk Go and deflate yourself, you balloon. Daryll Cullinan to Shane Warne Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you. Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating. THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps. Dennis Lillee What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us. Allan Border to Robin Smith Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back! Merv Hughes to Robin Smith Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat. Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl. Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot. Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you? Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell Bowl the bastard a grand Piano and see if he can play that instead! Yabba Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got! Yabba Don't give the bastard a drink. Let him die of thirst. Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears. Thomson The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn't fielding. Ian Chappell ENGLAND VS ENGLAND David Gower : Do you want Gatt a foot wider? Chris Cowdrey : No. He'd burst. How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind. Martin Johnson on Shane Warne's ball of the century If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him. Graham Gooch A fart competing with thunder. Graham Gooch on England's chances in Australia in 1990-91 England have only three major problems. They can't bat, they can't bowl and they can't field. Martin Johnson I'm completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope. Andrew Flintoff AUSTRALIA vs. AUSTRALIA Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand. Ian Healy, 1996 It was a mixture of bad bowling, good shots and arse. Jason Gillespie, describing his own Ashes performance Q: What's your favourite animal? Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes. In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller. Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying. Damien Martyn has batted handily in his unobtrusive way but fielded like a pensioner. Langer has his limitations. Without Clarke, this side has more carthorses than a Victorian mail coach. Suddenly this team is looking its age. Sometimes, when the end comes, it is quick. Peter Roebuck When Justin Langer finds his off stump akimbo he leaves the crease only after asking the met office whether any earthquakes have been recorded in the region. In any case, he never edges the ball. It's just that his bat handle keeps breaking. Peter Roebuck Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye. Peter Roebuck An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow with a hangover. Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes

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