Saturday's Assorted Bag

[apocalypse]

There was this guy who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 10 kilometers every day. One morning he looked in the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned all over except for his penis which he readily decided to do something about. He went to the beach, completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out! Two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane, remarking to the other little old lady. "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady said, "What do you mean?" The first old lady said, "Look at that... when I was 20 I was curious about it; when I was 30 I enjoyed it; when I was 40 I asked for it; when I was 50 I paid for it; when I was 60 I prayed for it; when I was 70 I forgot about it, and now that I am 80 the damn things are growing wild - and I'm too old to squat!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------- One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and went into the saloon in the nearest town. He said to the bartender 'I'm looking for the meanest, toughest, and roughest whore in the Yukon!' The bartender replied 'You're in luck, mister, we've got her right here! She's upstairs in the second room on the right.' So the prospector ordered two bottles of beer and headed upstairs. He kicked open the second door on the right and said 'I'm looking for the meanest, roughest, and toughest whore in the Yukon!' The woman looked at him and said 'You just found her.' She stripped naked, bent over, and grabbed her ankles. 'How do you know I want to do it in that position?' asked the miner. 'I don't,' replied the whore, 'but I thought you might want to open those beers first.' ----------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, asked during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body which, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define those conditions?" Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you, my parents will hear of this," and sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct Miss Johnson." said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment. ----------------------------------------------------------------- An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are discussing their relative performance in bed. The Italian says - "When I've a finsheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa da 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy" The Frenchman replies - "Zat is nossing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy". The Aussie says - "That's nothing, when I've finished shaggin my Sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick clean on the curtains. She hits the ****ing roof !!!"

[Gambit]

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are discussing their relative performance in bed. The Italian says - "When I've a finsheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa da 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy" The Frenchman replies - "Zat is nossing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy". The Aussie says - "That's nothing, when I've finished shaggin my Sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick clean on the curtains. She hits the ****ing roof !!!"

:hysterical:

[yoda]

:haha: