England's energy level falls flat at the Oval (Writer's lost it :-) )

[King]

When England's bowlers finally dragged themselves off the field - and it's quite a climb up the pavilion steps at the Oval - they didn't look like much of an advertisement for a series sponsored by an electricity company. If you'd harnessed whatever collective energy they had left, you wouldn't have got a glow from a 40-watt light bulb. More... England's energy level falls flat at the Oval By Martin Johnson Last Updated: 2:14am BST 11/08/2007 Have your say Read comments Third Test: England (24-1) trail India (664) by 640 runs When England's bowlers finally dragged themselves off the field yesterday - and it's quite a climb up the pavilion steps at the Oval - they didn't look like much of an advertisement for a series sponsored by an electricity company. If you'd harnessed whatever collective energy they had left, you wouldn't have got a glow from a 40-watt light bulb. Video: The Analyst at the Test Scoreboard: England v India, third Test In pics: Tourists press home advantage It was a handy day for getting your hands on a doctor's note, which was the only reason Ryan Sidebottom managed to avoid the century of runs conceded by each of his front line colleagues. Sidebottom disappeared at teatime for a scan on a side strain, which was not as serious as it might have been had he been sent for a haircut, in which case he'd have been out of action for long enough to miss both the winter tours. Fruitless effort: England's bowlers suffered at the hands of IndiaIf he'd gone a bit earlier the hospital nurses could have had their morning tea by boiling a kettle on his head. Sidebottom wouldn't make much of a poker player, and after seeing Matt Prior shell a catch off him on Thursday, and another one yesterday, the England management didn't know whether to take him away by ambulance or bomb disposal squad. Yesterday's gaffe by the England wicketkeeper was even more embarrassing, in that it is one thing to drop your own catches, and another to drop someone else's. The edge from VVS Laxman was about to be pouched by Andrew Strauss when Prior tipped it round the post. Fine for a penalty shoot-out, not for a Test match. England's wicketkeeping policy is beginning to make you wonder if they'd consider strapping gloves on to a chimpanzee if there were runs in the ape, although in fairness to the selectors they have, in managing to find a stumper with the same natural talent as Geraint Jones, at least been true to their desire for continuity. Kumble puts India in complete control Before the start of play, Prior had a meeting on the outfield with former England wicketkeeper, now Radio Five Live analyst, Alec Stewart. The speculation was that if Alec was saying, "Look Matt, you're quite a talker, so why not give this wicketkeeping up and try your hand in the commentary box with me", then it was wise counselling indeed. Prior has quietened down a bit in this match, after beginning his England career as though auditioning for a role as cheerleader with an American high school basketball team. But if England deliberately shedding some of their aggression is affecting Prior, the sooner he resumes his impersonation of a Pekingese yapping at the village postman the better. The requirement for non-specialist batsmen to contribute lower-order runs has been around for some time, but it was taken to ludicrous lengths during Duncan Fletcher's reign as coach, including selecting a bowler almost exclusively on the basis of whether he was capable of batting at No 8. If you ran your house the way Fletcher ran his selection policy, and your washing machine sprung a leak, you'd be looking through the Yellow Pages for an electrician. England were still just about afloat in this match until another wicketkeeper selected more for his runs than his catching ability began flogging them all around the Oval. Mahendra Singh Dhoni is such a cult figure in India that he endorses 14 products, from motorbikes to (à la Denis Compton) Brylcreem. Dhoni has so much hair he must get through several tubs of the stuff every day, and (as with Sidebottom) a short back and sides would produce enough material to stuff a king-sized mattress. He hits a cricket ball with joyous freedom, as indeed might anyone who has gone from a ticket collector with Indian Railways to a millionaire pin-up boy. In fairness to England's attack, and to all bowlers everywhere, this is pitch that wouldn't disturb the bubble on a spirit level, and modern bats are so trampoline-like they should be subject to legislation. The most ludicrous sight of the day was Laxman playing a back foot defensive to Jimmy Anderson, and getting four runs through the covers from it. It was another sunny day, but nowhere was it hotter than inside the Test Match Special commentary box. In fact, as records tumbled all over the place (including Prior conceding more byes than any other specialist keeper in Test history) they probably needed a fire extinguisher to put out Bill Frindall.

[King]

Writer Martin Johnson from Telegraph has completely lost it. You can feel his frustrations in this report of Day2 of the current test match. Matt Prior seems to be taking wrath of everyone for now.