New Article on the main page - Best job in the world ? ?Umpi

[King]

Yup despite having to stay in the sun, cold, rain and all sorts of weather umpiring is a great job. Why is that so? Simply because you are not accountable and you get paid well enough for doing a bad job year after year. You can do the worst job for years and still be on the one of the best pay roll with one of the leading sports organization in the world. You will get to stay in fantastic hotels for a starter. You don?t have to be sharp, young or energetic either. You can doze off on the job too if you like, you can act like a clown, seek attention, re-live your good old school days as a bully. Despite all this you are revered by your employer. They will say not one bad word about you, they will you pay better with every bad decision you will make. Rest assured you will receive accolades for making mistakes consistently more than 50% of the times. So then does this job sound great for you? What are the qualities you need to have to become an umpire? Ineptness, humours less, struck up, physically unfit, mentally unstable are qualities that are a must. If you are grumpy or have been a bully in your school days you have almost landed in the job. If you are blessed with bad eye sight and deafness it will definitely work in your favour and you will be one of the preferred candidate for the ICC umpire?s job. Over and above everything your actions are unquestionable. For no reason you can send the hard working batsman back or you may not like the face of the bowler and may deny him an obvious caught behind. You may pull decisions out of the hat or even work out permutations and combinations when making a decision. Anything you will do will go unquestionable. If by chance the batter or the bowler that has just been robbed by you gives you a cold stare rest assured you can bully the player out of playing by banning him. ICC has made sure there are enough rules in the hapless book of ICC that will ensure the player will get docked his entire match fees. Guess what, you won?t lose a cent though. If you don?t like a keeper appealing while he is walking you can tell him to shut up and all that the keeper can do is ?NOTHING?. Yes, that?s all the player can do. Don?t you love the absolute god like power you have been given on field? You don?t have to be consistent in disciplining the players either. You can let a 6 and half footer to mouth off every ball but you can take on a puny little fella with the gloves behind the stumps as he is smaller than ya. Does this remind you of an instance? Don?t you worry this must have reminded you of many instances. You can mock a player too on the ground holding the ball up and appear you are applying the lozenge but hey you are allowed to do what you like. You are there to entertain people you see. If by chance the player says anything about this incidence even outside the ground you can hurt him by ensuring he gets banned for 3, 6 or whatever number of games or just hurt him by docking his match fees. Sounds a great job? There are still a lot more you can do on this job, just read on. You can see the ball hit the bat more than it did the pad but somehow you think the wicket keeper that appealed for that LBW is a nice bloke and is very honest. You don?t have to trust the batter or the bowler, you can trust the wicket keeper because he walks every time even when he hasn?t hit the ball. Moreover he has confessed in public he is a very honest fella. You have to trust him, there?s no second choice really as he makes your decision pretty easy. Doesn?t matter if he gets his appeal wrong mostly but he won?t cheat. You can enjoy the opera like performance of the team from down under because you rejected the LBW shout nevertheless the ball struck on the belly while the batter tried to sweep the ball on the front foot. Hey the bowler is one of the best in the world so you could let his theatrical performances in the middle and enjoy some great words he has to the batter. You don?t have to allow the batter to say something back to these guys though. They are wonderful blokes off the ground you see. Also they look like they lost all their family members every time you reject an appeal and you don?t want to see them that saddened or angry, they are fantastic blokes off the field you see. You don?t have to mind the legendary bowler telling you to refer to the rule book before stepping on the field because you rejected one of his shouts for LBW. Off the field he is a nice bloke and will enjoy a drink or two with everyone. Definitely he must be a great bloke. You don?t have to be hurt when one of the players that these days sits in the commentary box and comments on the players behaviour, pointed fingers at an umpire as well as the batter when the third umpire ruled out the catch he held as a bump ball. You know it was the third umpire that made the decision but you can allow this bloke mouth off at you and the batter because you can always take your anger on someone that won?t protest. Isn?t that a great proposition, you can vent your anger on anyone you dislike. You can miss apparent caught behinds let alone LBWs like they did in the India?s first and the second test. There you go, as said before none raised a stink. The bowler seemed to go a little overboard but hey you have full authority to ping him when you like. If you think you don?t like to give caught behinds in one full test that?s just fine. No one is going to say anything about it as you can always say you are just a human and make mistakes like a normal human being does. Worse comes worse if ICC decide your umpiring was bad they can do nothing about it as you have just been appointed in the elite panel for about a year. They can?t get rid of you as they are contractually bound. It may be hard practice to behave like a blind, deaf and a bully but if you practice enough you can master these great ingredients required for an ICC umpire?s job. Once you have mastered these then make sure you apply for the Umpire?s job. It may take a while to get there but once you are in the elite panel of ICC umpires you have the best job in the world and you can put your feet up and enjoy the debacle you can create for the rest of your life. Good Luck.

[King]

Re: New Article on the main page - Best job in the world ? ?Umpi Leave the comments about the article on the main page please. To view this article go to "Home".

[Guest dada_rocks]

Re: New Article on the main page - Best job in the world ? ?Umpi I am going to apply for this job some day