Stating the bloody obvious

[Mr. Wicket]

... or random, erratic thoughts and rants fuelled by a lack of sleep and plenty of cricket. But jesus christ, is it possible for England to be any more insipid and pathetic than they presently are? You lot are playing at Dambulla, for ****'s sake. You won the toss and OPTED TO BAT. The bowling attack so far has been Vaas, Malinga, Fernando and Maharoof and the pitch has very little it. So why the **** is the scoreline 46/2 after 15 overs, with Phil Mustard being the only guy who looks like he cares about making runs? F*ckstick's knocking the ball around in his attempt to bat like a proper Englishman (doesn't work, you're still an effing South African Kev, no matter how hard you kiss that helmet or how many lions you tattoo yourself with), Cook made his usual pretense of batting as if he was going to build an innings, and then getting out straight away (albeit to a damn fine catch), and despite Mustard actually making some effort to bat positively and take singles, the rest of the innings has no momentum whatsoever. There ought to be a rule here that Sri Lanka bats first in the remaining ODIs of the series, irrespective of toss and conditions. At least Jayasuriya is entertaining to watch, and Sangakkara and Jayawardene after him may not score at a frenetic rate, but still play some damn pleasant shots for the eyes. England meanwhile are doing their level best to send me, and everyone in the stadium to sleep. Maybe it's all just one giant advertisment for Twenty20 cricket, with the theory that if the game keeps being shortened to a point where it becomes a pure lottery, England'll eventually start doing well. And maybe then Flintoff'll also get through half a season without an injury. Apparently he's in doubt for the test series in Sri Lanka. Shame, as I have only fond memories of him groping and prodding and looking completely out of his depth against Murali the last time he came. Onto some real cricket instead, but some selection that's pathetic enough to be an English one-day think-tank brainfart. Mohammed Hafeez has a first class average less than 32 in Pakistani cricket, despite the huge number of flatbeds and roads around the country. Test average is less than 19 - for reference, that's two less than Bung Lee's test average. Yet he's opening for Pakistan, or pretending to do so. Jesus. 424 to chase or 4 sessions to bat out for a draw. Dale Steyn bowling wide in his first over. Anyone with three working brain cells would figure out that you leave the ball early on, take no risks and at least try and survive the new ball while hoping to bat through the day and the next for a draw. But not our man Hafeez. The dumb tit swings, inside edges and gets bowled. Spectacular. It's enough to make Imran Farhat look stable. Speaking of painful things for the eyes, Ten Sports should be taken off the air and banned from showing any and all cricket. At least until someone there signs a contract promising NOT TO SHOW SANJAY BLOODY MANJREKAR ON SCREEN, ESPECIALLY WHEN A LIVE MICROPHONE IS SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM. ****sake. Is this man the most annoying creature in all sports broadcasting? (A purely rhetorical question, and if you were thinking of something other than yes, please seek help.) With the atrocious shirts, the brown-nosing to either Tendulkar or the touring team, and that incredibly painful, grating, whining voice, I'm wishing someone would put all of us out of our misery. By putting him out of his. And digressing again, reason #193 to Bring Back Ganguly. Open up the Sydney Morning Herald, and now there's an article there - "Harbhajan tweaks his tormentors". Or in short, general complaints about the Aussies being arrogant and vulgar on the field. Wah wah. It's cricket, not the playground, Bhajji. You've obviously been softened up a bit under Dravid and with your time at Surrey. Remember 2004 when Damien Martyn was the one whinging about you sledging him? Start giving it back. And returning to the main point of this, bring back Ganguly. He's got runs under his belt, cojones of steel and he's one who definitely won't be whinging to the media if Australia start sledging him or people around him. Give him a few days, a press conference or three to speak his mind about Saint Gilchrist of the Righteous Walk, and let him pass on some tips to MS Dhoni about keeping opposition captains waiting at the toss. Then we'll have some fun on our hands. Meanwhile, to update my comments earlier on England being crap - newsflash, they still are. From 46/2 then, they've progressed to 63/4 now, managing to barely push the run rate any further (still barely above 3 an over), with F*ckstick having just holed out a few minutes ago for a spectacular 12 off 41 balls. Go on, England press, tell us again how great a batsman he is. This is the bloody obvious.

[Don]

I thoroughly enjoyed that.

[Dhondy]

Varun, time for a new feature: "Salil's rants".:D

[DravidDaBest]

Its rant alright but a very good one!

[coffee_rules]

English cricket....DNC... But you seemed to have spurred the pommies. SL 120/6 at the moment looking at the end of the barrel.

[ali0786]

Salil, You obviously haven't heard Zaheer Abbass' commentary yet. He is without a doubt the worst commentator of all time.

[Guest dada_rocks]

Zaheer abbas think in urdu and then speaks u can tell by the snail's pace word somehow come out of his mouth.......:D

[kumble_rocks]

I thought this message board did not encourage cussing . I hope the rules are same for everybody.

[Dhondy]

Chill out, KR. Just enjoy the quality of the man's posts. The cussing is not done with malice. One of the best read guys on cricket- take it from me. Every post is worth a read.

[kumble_rocks]

Chill out, KR. Just enjoy the quality of the man's posts. The cussing is not done with malice. One of the best read guys on cricket- take it from me. Every post is worth a read.

Dhondy , The rules should be the same for everybody. Trust me , quality of the post will still remain the same minus the cussing. Why encourage it ?

[Dhondy]

I have nothing more to say. If this is cussing, then some of us obviously don't live in the real world.

[kablooee87]

I thought this message board did not encourage cussing . I hope the rules are same for everybody.

As much as I'm not a fan of undue profanity, the tone of the post simply wouldn't be what it was with it. Adds to the whole "ranting" persona.

[Gambit]

Good read Salil. BTW why isn't Nixon in the side? Quality bat and decent keeper. Is it because of his age?

[Mr. Wicket]

Nixon's a solid keeper and a very gutsy, plucky batsman who never gives up the fight. These are obviously qualities the England team did not wish to have in their keeper. They wanted someone obnoxious, grating, as irritating as possible behind the stumps with his voice, and potentially a match winning flat track bully (even if it was facing a bowling attack that could be likened to a school second XI for discipline and control) and keeping ability be damned. This is why Butterfingers Jones and Wooden Gloves Prior have been keeping so long. I have no complaints about Prior, as his gaffes played no small part in helping India win in England, but I do feel for Nixon - he did annoy me with his chatter and hyperactivity at first, but he walks the talk. Keeps very well, bats with real pluck and innovation (the latter being a rare English batting attribute, maybe that's why they dumped him) and like Read, deserved much better than he got from the selectors. BTW, the sixth word of the post does indicate that rants lie ahead. This isn't an article or any attempt to be neutral, unbiased or really insightful. Just rants. :D

[Guest Hiten.]

Salil, you think you opened this thread a bit too early ? Eng atm lead the series 2-1 :giggle:

[Mr. Wicket]

Yes, and if they keep winning, then it'll lead to another rant in anger from me.