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Unread 02-22-2011, 10:28 AM   #1
DomainK
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Cricket jokes

Since the world cup fever is on, lets have some cricket fun.

I will try not to repeat the old jokes..
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Unread 02-22-2011, 10:29 AM   #2
DomainK
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Cricket - A sport that requires five days of consecutive sunshine.

Invented in........ England.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:30 AM   #3
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I bumped into Steve Bucknor in the street today. I said, "Are you aware of the uproar caused after you gave Sachin Tendulkar out in that match? I mean, two Star Sports pundits were..."

"Yeah yeah," he interrupted. "Tell me something I don't know."

So I explained the LBW rule.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:34 AM   #4
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Gandhi's last words were - "Hey Ram".
Ponting's last words would be "Hey Laxman
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially "Sachin, Sachin" which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing.
Sachin Tendulkar

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:38 AM   #5
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Ricky Ponting walks into a library.

The librarian raises his index finger and says, "Out!"

_____________________________________________________

Ricky Ponting walks into a library and says "Do you have any books on the Ashes"?


The Librarian says; "**** off, mate. You won't bring 'em back!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ricky Ponting walks into a library and asks "Do you have any books on Australian cricketers?"

The librarian says "They are all out."

Last edited by DomainK : 02-22-2011 at 11:33 AM.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:38 AM   #6
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I just went to the BBC website and clicked on the link "Live - England v Pakistan"

A message came up saying "Click to play."

So that's how they pick the England team then.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:39 AM   #7
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Quote Originally Posted by Sachin=GOD View Post
Gandhi's last words were - "Hey Ram".
Ponting's last words would be "Hey Laxman
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:41 AM   #8
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What do you call a group of cows?
A herd.

What do you call a group of ducks?

Pakistani batsmen.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:41 AM   #9
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Apparently on winning the toss Strauss said to Ponting "You can bat", to which Ricky replied "You think so? Thanks for the encouragement." !
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:41 AM   #10
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4 captains are standing in a room boasting about their teams batting skills:
austrailian captain: hum to sirf 6 marte hain;
england captain: hum to sirf 4 marte hain;
indian captain: (sees the best has been taken so shrugs and says): hum to bhai style marte hain;
everyone looks at the relaxed pakistani captain who says: hum to seedha coach marte hain!!
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially "Sachin, Sachin" which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing.
Sachin Tendulkar

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:42 AM   #11
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Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
What do you call a group of cows?
A herd.

What do you call a group of ducks?

Pakistani batsmen.



Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
Apparently on winning the toss Strauss said to Ponting "You can bat", to which Ricky replied "You think so? Thanks for the encouragement." !
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially "Sachin, Sachin" which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing.
Sachin Tendulkar

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:44 AM   #12
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I went to Shahid Afridi’s place to watch a cricket match. Midway I walked upto the fridge, pulled a pepsi bottle out and asked “mate, got any opener?”

He gave me a death stare, chewed the crown off the bottle and said “No, but I make it up with my teeth.”

Last edited by DomainK : 02-22-2011 at 10:59 AM.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-22-2011, 10:46 AM   #13
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Batsmen sledges Dwayne Leverock:

"Mate, you're so fat, you need two wrist watches, one on each hand coz you're in two different timezones"
Before being humans with morals, people are mostly animals, fighting for domination and survival - Gaspar Noe, in a precursor to "Enter The Void"

Unread 02-22-2011, 01:21 PM   #14
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Quote Originally Posted by sree_india View Post
Batsmen sledges Dwayne Leverock:

"Mate, you're so fat, you need two wrist watches, one on each hand coz you're in two different timezones"
Some Say The Glass Is Half Full
Some Say The Glass Is Half Empty
I Say
Are You Gonna Drink That Mate

Unread 02-23-2011, 04:35 AM   #15
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Quote Originally Posted by Sachin=GOD View Post
4 captains are standing in a room boasting about their teams batting skills:
austrailian captain: hum to sirf 6 marte hain;
england captain: hum to sirf 4 marte hain;
indian captain: (sees the best has been taken so shrugs and says): hum to bhai style marte hain;
everyone looks at the relaxed pakistani captain who says: hum to seedha coach marte hain!!
Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
I went to Shahid Afridi’s place to watch a cricket match. Midway I walked upto the fridge, pulled a pepsi bottle out and asked “mate, got any opener?”

He gave me a death stare, chewed the crown off the bottle and said “No, but I make it up with my teeth.”
Quote Originally Posted by sree_india View Post
Batsmen sledges Dwayne Leverock:

"Mate, you're so fat, you need two wrist watches, one on each hand coz you're in two different timezones"
Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
Apparently on winning the toss Strauss said to Ponting "You can bat", to which Ricky replied "You think so? Thanks for the encouragement." !
Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
I bumped into Steve Bucknor in the street today. I said, "Are you aware of the uproar caused after you gave Sachin Tendulkar out in that match? I mean, two Star Sports pundits were..."

"Yeah yeah," he interrupted. "Tell me something I don't know."

So I explained the LBW rule.
"Commit all your Crimes when Sachin is Batting because at that time even The Lord is watching"

Click here to relive some glorious moments in Cricket

Unread 02-23-2011, 04:54 AM   #16
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The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn't hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.

'Now bowl me some fast ones!' he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted,

'Now that's what you're all doing. Get in there and hit them!'

______________________________________________________________________________________

Michael Clarke called Ricky into his room and said 'We've got some very tough matches coming up,' he said, 'and I wanted to talk to you because we need someone with an Iron nerve, a strong constitution and great skill in the side.

That's why I'm asking you to resign.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Salman Butt said to the bowler, 'Give me an easy one, will you? I bet a fellow in the crowd five pounds that I'd score four runs.'

The bowler did so and the batsman hit it to the boundary. Straight away, he walked for the pavilion.

'You're not out,' said the bowler, 'Where are you going?'

He yelled back: 'I'm going to find the chap who bet me!'
"Commit all your Crimes when Sachin is Batting because at that time even The Lord is watching"

Click here to relive some glorious moments in Cricket

Unread 02-23-2011, 05:00 AM   #17
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During the match, A Paki batsman heard a cry from the crowd 'Smith, Smith Your house is on fire!'

He dropped his bat and ran off the field, through the crowd and into the road. Breathlessly, he pounded along and then stopped.
'Why am I running?' he said. 'My name's not Smith!'
"Commit all your Crimes when Sachin is Batting because at that time even The Lord is watching"

Click here to relive some glorious moments in Cricket

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:05 AM   #18
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It's a lovely day here at Lord's. Pakistan have won the toss and decided to bet.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:15 AM   #19
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Shoaib Akhtar has been invited to participate in Master Chef as it’s believed he can make a meal out of practically anything.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:16 AM   #20
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So Muralitharan has taken 800 test wickets.

Isn't it about time they stopped testing him and let him take some real wickets?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:17 AM   #21
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Where does the English cricket team stay during a tour of South Africa?

With their parents.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:18 AM   #22
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I'm always immensely proud when England win the Ashes. Coming first in a bi-annual two team competition, in a game we invented, against a country with a population a third the size of ours, about 25% of the time, is really something to cherish.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:21 AM   #23
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Taking a clue from the Americans, the Aussi's have blamed a website for their recent defeat in the Ashes.

It's called 'Wicketleaks'
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:21 AM   #24
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Lakme has launched a new product in Pakistan that can fix spots on facial skin. They have signed up Salman Butt to endorse it.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:22 AM   #25
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What's the difference between Tarzan and the Australian cricket team?

Tarzan could reverse swing.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:38 AM   #26
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I think the Australians need to be more careful picking their cricket team line up.

haven't they noticed Shane Watson is an anagram of 'want no ashes'
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:41 AM   #27
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Just bought a copy of International Cricket 2010 for my Xbox, but the disc is broken.

I'm looking for Salman Butt now, I've heard he is f**king good at fixing cricket games.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 07:42 AM   #28
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Kamran Akmal - from zero to hero and back to zero in 2.5 seconds.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-23-2011, 09:37 AM   #29
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Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
Shoaib Akhtar has been invited to participate in Master Chef as it’s believed he can make a meal out of practically anything.
Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
I'm always immensely proud when England win the Ashes. Coming first in a bi-annual two team competition, in a game we invented, against a country with a population a third the size of ours, about 25% of the time, is really something to cherish.
Quote Originally Posted by Domaink View Post
I think the Australians need to be more careful picking their cricket team line up.

haven't they noticed Shane Watson is an anagram of 'want no ashes'
Some Say The Glass Is Half Full
Some Say The Glass Is Half Empty
I Say
Are You Gonna Drink That Mate

Unread 02-23-2011, 01:45 PM   #30
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Nazi concentration camp commandant calls an Englishman, Australian and a Jew into his office."Ve are going to have a cricket match.
"He turns to the Englishman: "You vill be ze capitan of ze English team"
He turns to the Aussie: "You vill be ze capitan of ze Australian team"
"What"s my part in this then?" asks the Jew"
"You vill be ze ashes" says the commandant.
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially "Sachin, Sachin" which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing.
Sachin Tendulkar

Unread 02-23-2011, 01:47 PM   #31
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My new cricket coach says it's mind blowing the way my balls swing but he would prefer if I wore trousers like everyone else.
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially "Sachin, Sachin" which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing.
Sachin Tendulkar

Unread 02-23-2011, 02:21 PM   #32
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1980's ---
Santa is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...

First ball : Whizzes past Santa's off-stump. Santa doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper.

Second ball : Goes right over the Santa's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Santa is again unmoved.

Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Santa, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Santa doesn't move a muscle.

Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Santa again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper.

But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"

Santa walks upto the umpire and tells him, "u phaccking retard,you discovered it now? You
see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"
“SHUT UP AND SQUAT”


Tears Will get u Sympathy
Sweat Will get u Results.

Deadlift will make you cry like a woman , but will make you Man

Unread 02-23-2011, 03:30 PM   #33
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Bookie approaches Pakistani cricketer:

Pak cricketer: What do you want?
Bookie: Got any no balls for me?
**** off, I can’t sell no balls. The ACSU is watching.
C'mon, dont be scared, show some balls.
What do you mean?
I mean you have no balls?
**** you. I have balls. I am pathan.
You have no balls.
I have balls.
What about no balls?
You have no balls.
Are you sure?
I am sure, I am telling you, you have no balls.
Thank you.

ACSU officer steps in “Step aside please; let me read you your rights.”

Pak Cricketer: "I see, it's all fixed."

ACSU Officer: Thanks for the confession.

Last edited by DomainK : 02-23-2011 at 03:38 PM.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 02-24-2011, 02:31 AM   #34
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^
"Commit all your Crimes when Sachin is Batting because at that time even The Lord is watching"

Click here to relive some glorious moments in Cricket

Unread 02-24-2011, 07:43 AM   #35
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Hilarious

Cheers,

Last edited by Moderator : 05-23-2011 at 11:54 AM.

Unread 03-01-2011, 07:10 AM   #36
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Australian racism: Bloody English, coming to our country, taking our wickets.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 03-01-2011, 07:11 AM   #37
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"ICC is investigating worrying reports of irregular betting patterns in the world cup. Some people are actually backing Australia"
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 03-01-2011, 07:15 AM   #38
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Santa asked Banta for help on a crossword puzzle the other day. It said "Pakistan (3,4 8,10...)". Banta said "stupid, that's not a crossword puzzle, that's yesterday's scorecard.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 03-01-2011, 07:16 AM   #39
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I heard on the news yesterday that the Pakistani Cricket players involved in the match fixing scandal had been charged.

Imagine my disappointment when I found out it wasn't with 50,000 volts.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Unread 03-01-2011, 07:17 AM   #40
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The Bangladeshis should stop calling their batsmen tigers. They should be called ducks.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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