IndianRenegade Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 In this thread I will post jokes, funny pics, and other funny & interesting stuffs. Here we start: A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!" Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape." The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you." To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" She asked gently. "I think you bring me bad luck." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 One day a Pirate and a bartender were talking to each other in a bar. The Bartender asked the pirate "Where did ya get that peg leg from?" The Pirate responded "We were sailing the seas when a big ol' shark came up to me while I was swimmin' and bit off me leg." Later the Bartender asked "Where did you get that hook then?" The pirate responded "Well, me crew and I were in a battle and it got cut through the bone." The bartender then asked "Then where did ya get the eye patch from?" The pirate said "In a harbor I looked at a gull flying over head and it took a dump right in me eye." The bartender was puzzled and asked the pirate, "How would that make you get an eye patch?" The pirate responded, "First day with the hook." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Internet & Computers in the Stone Age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_South Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 lol.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhr123 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Lol... i also need that AV program.Atleast i can slam my server when it gets crazy.:giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Guess who is sleeping and who is not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Bush back to what he does best - Screwing up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Oh loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way. My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suma25 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Bush back to what he does best - Screwing up! photoshopped funny none the less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 20 Years A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes I do." she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes I remember." "Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?" "Yes I do", she replied. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Never Been With A Woman An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 $350 room A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Getting Married "Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 Woman's Voice A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site. After junior had called,he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. (Women!!)She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site,immediately she sighted him,she gave him a very hot slap,while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this. The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called,junior said "The number you are trying to call is not reachable at the moment, please try again later". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 How Do You Feel? Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really? Like a baby?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just **** my pants." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 The Cannibal A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Tourist: $5.00 Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a price difference for the Politicians?” The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Dating for 30 Years An elderly couple had been dating each other for 30 years and, at the urging of their friends and family, the finally decided it was time to get married. But first, they agreed they should work out the details of how their marriage was going to be, as to avoid any let downs or misunderstandings. So the older couple went out to a nice dinner and had a long conversation about how their marriage is going to work. They discussed living arrangements, finances and other important stuff. Finally, the older gentleman decided it was time to bring up the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly yet intrigued. “Well,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully, “I’d have to say… I would like it infrequently.” The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked… “Is that one word or two?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndianRenegade Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Little Guy There was a little dude and he walked into an elevator. standing next to him was a huge dude. The huge dude turned and said to the little dude .. " before you ask me any quesitons im just gonna tell you the answers to what people usaully ask me .. im 7'2" 375 lbs 2lbs left testicle 2lbs right testical 15" penis and my name is Turner Brown." then little dude looks at the big dude in horror and the big dude says " whats the matter? all i did was tell you that im 7'2" 375 lbs 2lbs left testicle 2lbs right testical 15" penis and my name is turner brown." and the little dude says " oh! thank god! i thought you said turn around!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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