Bucknor-Bored Mazumdar "interview", in a SW company Bulletin board

[Rajan]

This guy is more of a vampire rather than an umpire. Blind as a bat, deaf as a post, Cheap Ducknor is nothing but a dumb guy who believes in seeking cheap thrills. Our sports correspondent Bored Masoomdoor interviewed the jerk and came back convinced about his sub-human intellect and abysmal knowledge of the rules of cricket. BM: What seems to be your problem, Mr Ducknor? Why is the Indian team at the receiving end of your poor decisions? CD: Who said that? I cannot see anyone but can hear some voices. Can you come closer? BM: I am sitting opposite to you. Do you have problems with your eyes? CD: Yeah and I cannot hear much either. BM: Ok, forget that and answer my question. CD: Its all due to the Indian film industry. BM: How is that? CD: Some years ago I had approached a famous Indian director for a role in an upcoming movie. I was to be the lead joker of the movie. The movie never took off and all my dreams were grounded and I swore revenge. It was then that I decided to become an umpire to take revenge on every Indian. I found many other aspiring jokers in the ICC who were more than willing to accept me in their fold. BM: So you became a vampire I mean umpire for taking revenge? CD: Yes, and I am doing pretty well, dont you agree? BM: Have you completely given up on your acting dreams? CD: No that time when the cameras caught me aping Rahul Dravid, I was actually practicing my usual routine. I often practice that in between matches. BM: That's is why you have no time to concentrate on the match and make correct decisions, right? CD: Precisely BM: But, if you have no time to see each delivery, how do you make decisions? CD: Its a very scientific process. I watch the expression on the face of the batsman, the intensity of appeal, reaction of the crowds and of course finally I do a toss in my mind and decide. In case of Rahul, since he's the Wall and all, I just give him out as I love to see the frustration on his face and the relief on the face of the bowler. BM: Arent you ashamed? Doing drama on the field and abusing your powers as an umpire? CD: You people should be ashamed. All I asked for was a role as a joker in a b-grade movie. Was it too much to ask for? If you had given me that chance, you wouldn't have had to see the freak show that I put up every time India plays and I officiate. BM: How will you continue like this? CD: As long as possible. Besides these days I am receiving plenty of fan mail. The other day I got a mail from someone claiming to be from Al faeyda. He told me that he was impressed with the way I harass the Indian team and wanted to know if he could take up umpiring for other sports involving the United States. BM: Is it true that you had some sort of offer from Madam Taussauds? CD: Yes, they wanted to know if I could chip in for a dummy that has been sent for repairs. They wanted me to stand in the museum instead of the dummy. I have agreed as I have plenty of experience standing emotionless and brain dead. ====================================== Just posted, no offence intended, pure pun intended.

[prince40]

This guy is more of a vampire rather than an umpire. Blind as a bat' date= deaf as a post, Cheap Ducknor is nothing but a dumb guy who believes in seeking cheap thrills. Our sports correspondent Bored Masoomdoor interviewed the jerk and came back convinced about his sub-human intellect and abysmal knowledge of the rules of cricket. BM: What seems to be your problem, Mr Ducknor? Why is the Indian team at the receiving end of your poor decisions? CD: Who said that? I cannot see anyone but can hear some voices. Can you come closer? BM: I am sitting opposite to you. Do you have problems with your eyes? CD: Yeah and I cannot hear much either. BM: Ok, forget that and answer my question. CD: Its all due to the Indian film industry. BM: How is that? CD: Some years ago I had approached a famous Indian director for a role in an upcoming movie. I was to be the lead joker of the movie. The movie never took off and all my dreams were grounded and I swore revenge. It was then that I decided to become an umpire to take revenge on every Indian. I found many other aspiring jokers in the ICC who were more than willing to accept me in their fold. BM: So you became a vampire I mean umpire for taking revenge? CD: Yes, and I am doing pretty well, dont you agree? BM: Have you completely given up on your acting dreams? CD: No that time when the cameras caught me aping Rahul Dravid, I was actually practicing my usual routine. I often practice that in between matches. BM: That's is why you have no time to concentrate on the match and make correct decisions, right? CD: Precisely BM: But, if you have no time to see each delivery, how do you make decisions? CD: Its a very scientific process. I watch the expression on the face of the batsman, the intensity of appeal, reaction of the crowds and of course finally I do a toss in my mind and decide. In case of Rahul, since he's the Wall and all, I just give him out as I love to see the frustration on his face and the relief on the face of the bowler. BM: Arent you ashamed? Doing drama on the field and abusing your powers as an umpire? CD: You people should be ashamed. All I asked for was a role as a joker in a b-grade movie. Was it too much to ask for? If you had given me that chance, you wouldn't have had to see the freak show that I put up every time India plays and I officiate. BM: How will you continue like this? CD: As long as possible. Besides these days I am receiving plenty of fan mail. The other day I got a mail from someone claiming to be from Al faeyda. He told me that he was impressed with the way I harass the Indian team and wanted to know if he could take up umpiring for other sports involving the United States. BM: Is it true that you had some sort of offer from Madam Taussauds? CD: Yes, they wanted to know if I could chip in for a dummy that has been sent for repairs. They wanted me to stand in the museum instead of the dummy. I have agreed as I have plenty of experience standing emotionless and brain dead. ====================================== Just posted, no offence intended, pure pun intended.

nice:dance: