00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Posted January 25, 2010 A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . . perhaps it's about time for a kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, honey." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Don't you think it's about time you pay me that first penny?", said the guy.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 I've got everything A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph. He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases. "I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph. He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster. By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too." The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge. This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need." "Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?" Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Question and Answer Blond Jokes - 2 Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes? A: A blonde at a blinking red light. Q: Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes? A: It has "open other end" printed on the bottom. Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears? A: They're refuelling. Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio? A: She didn't want one for nights. Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? A: Her husband is out looking for the other man. Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet? A: She was last years hide and seek winner. Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water? A: A blonde trying to put it out. Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Courses for Women Few advanced courses for women. Women think they already know everything, but wait, training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game. 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His. 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First. 8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking. 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging. 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire. 11. Telephone Skills: How To Hang Up. 12 Introduction to Parking 13 Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space 14 Water Retention: Fact or Fat 15 Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter 16 Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption 17 Cooking III: How NOT to Inflict Your Diets on Other People 18 Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully 19 PMS: "Poor Me Syndrome" Your Problem Not His 20 Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To 21 Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have 22 Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice 23 Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together 24 Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both 25 TV Remotes: For Men Only
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Rajdhani Express Once it was announced on a railway platform that rajdhani express is coming on platform One, Suddenly a sardar jumped on the train tracks. A man shouted to the sardar "what the hell are you doing?". The sardar said to the man that you are going to die as the train is comming on the platform and not on the railway track.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Better Woman: These men are really fools, you tell them something, they would listen with one ear and then pass it out from the another. Man : Its still better, you tell something to a women, she would listen with both the ears and pour it out through the mouth.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 M. P. Interview!!! OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ? CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ? CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ? CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ? CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW CANDIDATE : M P. SIR OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....? OFFICER : M P!!!! CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..? OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 12 ka Chakkar 12 sardar 12 car mein 12 bajke 12 minute 12 second per 12ve gali mein 12ve cinema hall mein kaun si film dekhene gaya honge? ANS: Ye Waqt Hamara Hai...
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Preparing for MBA Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home. Rajiv: Jailsinghji How is your MBA preparation? Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic. Rajiv : Logic is very easy. Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand. Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house ? Zail : YES. Rajiv: Logically , there will be water in it. Zail : YES. Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it. Zail : YES. Rajiv: Logically. Someone will be feeding the fish. Zail: YES. Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish. Zail : YES. Rajiv: so, Logically, your are married. Zail: YES. Rajiv : SO, that means U are a heterosexual. Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA. Zail: How is your MBA preparation? Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic. Zail : Oh, logic is easy. Buta : Please, give me an example. Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house? Buta : NO, I don't. Zail : Saala HOMO....
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Tough Business The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doc examined him and backed away, saying.... "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal." "Could you give me a pen and paper?" asked the businessman. "Do you want to write your will?" "No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite."
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Good Relation Gud relation doesn't need promises any terms or conditions it jus needs 2 wonderful ppl one kool like me n one chweeeeeeeeeet like u
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Khuda kare tera mobile Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye, Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye, Karoon SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae. Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mera thanda ho jae.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Pyar ki Kahani Aaj deedar, Kal yaar, Parson pyar, Phir ikrar, aur phir-intzar, Phir takrar, Phir darar, Saari mehnat bekar, aur akhir mein Ek aur devdas at beer bar.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Galib ki Girl friend Galib ne apni girl friend ko date par bulaya aur woh late ho gayi. Girl- Am I late? Galib- Aasman pe sitaron ko neend aa rahi hai, doosri ka waqt ho gaya tu ab aa rahi hai.
00aklu Posted January 25, 2010 Author Posted January 25, 2010 Kabhi dost kehte ho Kabhi dost kehte ho Kabhi dua dete ho Kabhi bewaqt neend se jaga dete ho Par jab bhi sms karte ho Khuda kasam..saare gham bhula dete ho
shubham45 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 good jokes 00aklu...........bacha seekh raha hai....hysterical:
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