punjabiplaya Posted June 8, 2011 Author Share Posted June 8, 2011 I was chatting to a bird in a club.She whispered, "Do you fancy coming back to mine, I've got a fanny like a Polo."I said, "Oh yes."When we got back to her place I pulled down her knickers and gasped.She said, "Surprised?"I said, "Totally, I thought you meant the mint not the fecking car." ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gunner Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 A man goes to Confession after a sixteen year absence. As he sits in the booth he looks around and says to the priest, "Confession is different these days Father, I don't remember a leather chair, bottles of whisky, Guinness on tap and gay porn mags being in the booth before." The priest says, "that's because you're sat on my feckin side!". :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 The Samaritans aren't the caring organisation that they used to be! I was gonna kill myself by lying on the train track when I had a change of heart so I gave them a call. The bast*rds told me to stay on the line! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 Paddy says to Mick, can you help me with this jigsaw, its meant to be a tiger? Mick says, put the fecking frosties back in the box you thick fecker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back & tell about afterlife. Husband died first & made contact "gladys" 'is that you Fred?' "yes, I've come back to tell you what it's like. I have sex then breakfast, then off to the golf course, then more sex. I sunbathe, then have sex again. Lunch, romp round golf course, then sex all afternoon. Then supper, & more sex" 'Oh Fred, you must be in heaven' "No, I'm a fecking rabbit in Norfolk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 9, 2011 Author Share Posted June 9, 2011 I saw a van pull up today with 'Controlled Demolition' written on it....I legged it when I saw two pakis get out with rucksacks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gunner Posted June 9, 2011 Share Posted June 9, 2011 I saw a van pull up today with 'Controlled Demolition' written on it....I legged it when I saw two pakis get out with rucksacks. BAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 Did you hear about the gypsy who won the lottery? He asked to be paid in traveller's cheques! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sidhoni Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 Have you heard about the Russian sex offender who got arrested a few days ago? Apparently his name was Zabardasti Boobpressky!!! :hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachin=GOD Posted June 10, 2011 Share Posted June 10, 2011 I saw a van pull up today with 'Controlled Demolition' written on it....I legged it when I saw two pakis get out with rucksacks. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2011 Author Share Posted June 10, 2011 I've just broken the world record for holding your breath under water. 8 minutes, 42 seconds! It all started when a teenage girl at the swimming baths shouted, "That's the man over there Dad !!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachin=GOD Posted June 11, 2011 Share Posted June 11, 2011 God made us all different. But when he got to China he thought 'Sod it. Copy, paste, copy, paste.....' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, £20?"I said, "Yeah alright" and lead her into the alley.I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two £10 notes and started pulling up her skirt. :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 6 GOLDEN RULES 4 F***ing 1.F***ing once a week is good for health but its harmful if done every day. 2.F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body. 3.F***ing refreshes u. 4.After F***ing dont take heavy food..opt for more liquids. 5.Try to do f***ing in bed b'coz it can save your valuable energy. 6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level. So... FASTing is good for health.. god bless your dirty mind...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Wayne Rooney has had a hair transplant. It's a bit like putting a thatched roof on a sh*t-house - it might keep the flies off, but there's still a turd underneath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Why is a Penis mostly sad? His hairstyle is always a mess. His relatives are nuts. His neighbour is an ass hole. And when he gets high he throws up & faints.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 11, 2011 Author Share Posted June 11, 2011 Went to the Doc's today. I said "do you treat alcoholics", he said "of course we do"......... I said "great get your coat on, I'm fecking skint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachin=GOD Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, £20?"I said, "Yeah alright" and lead her into the alley.I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two £10 notes and started pulling up her skirt. :hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 Paddy approached a prostitute. She said : "On the bed 100$, on the couch 50$, and on the floor 20$". Paddy hands her a 100$ note, she gleefully accepts, winks and asks "So ready to roll on the bed?" Paddy smiled back and replied "Naa ready to roll 5 times on the floor ;)" :cantstop: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Warrior Posted June 12, 2011 Share Posted June 12, 2011 I saw a car bumper sticker today that read: "US Navy Seals 1 - 0 Osama Bin Laden" I can't help but feel that Osama should deserve at least 2 points for 9/11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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