My Bio! 13+ (for language)

[Jersey #10]

I wrote this a few years ago in my spare time. It has been hanging in my Facebook Bio section for a while now. I think, it's pretty funny hence I am sharing it with you here. It's not in full sentences nor properly grammar regulated but it should make you chuckle a bit if not LOL. :--D

??????.....i m so ugly that when i walk into the bank they turn off the cameras...When i waz born,i waz so ugly that the doctor took one look at me and slapped my parents....I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose....I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one....when i waz born they put tinted windows on my incubator....I stop at the green lights and go on red......I have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world......Most people consider me to be the greatest living moron.....I'm the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts :...... Basically i don't give a **** to anyone..people hate me but i care less. ...Warm and caring are my most endearing characteristics.....every time i go out i get chased by the dog catcher.....when i get sick my parents call the vet.....I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.....For me, money is not everything.There's Mastercard & Visa...I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy.. I'd have had nothing to play with....I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.....I want 2 die while asleep like my neighbor, not screaming in terror like da passengers in hiz car.....i can live nine days without my head, before i starve to death.....I don't discriminate, I hate everyone equally!...I intend 2 live forever - so far, so good.....i wonder y da dogs alwayz drink out of our toilets, but look at it frm their point of view: Y do humans keep peeing in2 their water bowls?............my eye is bigger than my brain..sumtimez i speak only in a "robot" voice 2 annoy p'ple....i declare mah apartment an independent nation, and sue mah neighbors upstairs for "violating my airspace"....i make beeping noises when a large person backs up.....sumtimez i have meaningful conversations with my toaster.....i tend to agree with everything my mother's dead uncle tells me......i hate people who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the **** is yours..do i point my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?.........sumtimes i show people mah driver's license and ask them "whether they've seen this man?".....Sometimes I feel like smashing things....I get excited very easily....In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought - I must put a roof on this lavatory......The only thing i didnt succeed at first waz - skydiving......I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind....I feel uneasy indoors.....When I was born they fired a 21-gun salute. Too bad they missed......$+ If I have to talk **** about my self to make you smile then it’s totally worth it!

Please comment:hatsoff:

[Jersey #10]

and I am not ugly, this is just for fun :finger:

[b555]

:((

[Nova]

You basically just put together bits and pieces from the web? :dontknow: I was looking for "I hate Laxman" reference. Is it there...may be I missed it... at least that quote is original :P

[Jersey #10]

^ We used to tell "you are so ugly" jokes in school and I guess I just gave it a little deeper thought to make a longer version of it. I am sure bits and pieces of this are all over the net. "I hate laxman" would take infinite number of pages to express therefore I gave it a rest for the time being.