Time to Giggle

[apocalypse]

Perfect weekend A well known diplomate had just returned from a weekend at a stately country home. When he was asked by a friend whether or nt he had a good time, he said,"If the soup had been as warm as wine, and the wine as old as the chicken, and the chicken as tender as the upstairs maid, and the maid as willing as the lady of the house, it would have been perfect." Cold Hands Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says,“'Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well put them between my thighs and that will warm them up.” After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well. put them between my thighs and warm them up again.” He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood to get them through the night. When he returns to the cabin, he states once again, “Honey, my hands are really, really freezing.” She looks at him and says, “don't your ears ever get cold?” Revenge A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the women's bathroom...." In A Lift An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Lavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly: 'Romance by Ralph Lauren, £100 a bottle.' Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old woman and says snootily: channel No 5, £150 a bottle.' A few floors later, the old woman has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both women in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying: 'broccoli, 25p a pound.' Lalu and Mulayam Ek baar Govt. of India ne decide kiya ki Lalu aur Mulayam ko thodi english sikhayi jaaye kyunki inke kaaran bahut kirikiri ho rahi thi videshon mein. Inhe English sikhane ke liye ek english teacher rakhaa gaya. Teacher ne sabse pahle in-dono ko english ke alphabet (A-Z)padaye. Agle din inki verbal test thi. Teacher ne sabse pahle Mulayam ko letter "M" dikhaya aur pucha, "Mulayam ye batao ye kya hai"? Mulayam: Very simple, ye to "M" hai "M" for mother. Teacher: Good, you passed the first test. Now the teacher just reversed the letter "M" which now looks like " W " and asked Lalu, "Lalu ye kya hai" ? Lalu: hum kauno murkh hain kaa, Mulayam ke maiyaa ko palat diya hai aur puchta hai ye kya hai.

[varun]

:hysterical::hysterical:

[gator]

nice