badguy Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 SL Won't Beat India unless SLC resolve issues A shocking investigation into the ongoings of SLC exposes some of their hidden secrets which the public aren't aware of! The article covers SLs alleged fixing controversy which still exists today and also an insider view to the ones affected. Sri Lanka Cricket (SLC) was left in disarray early this morning as a raid on the premises found a document outlining illegal activities that were being carried out by SLC. This is one of the biggest controversies that Sri Lanka have embroiled themselves in and exposes the hidden quirks of SLC. Our team of experts, although finding the document to be inconclusive, have found concrete evidence that SLC were not allowing Sri Lanka's national players to defeat India in any form of the game. We believe that this has been going on for several years now and we have solid proof which justifies our argument. Around 2008-2009, the Sri Lanka Cricket Board were found cash-strapped and eventually bankrupt. Sri Lanka's players were not getting paid on a regular basis. We believe that members of Sri Lanka Cricket were frustrated, and consequently many members of an allegedly corrupt interim committee were fired, then hired again and so on, including their head administrator Arjuna Ranatunga, SL's former 1996 World Cup winning captain. At this time, the BCCI offered a helping hand to SLC and helped them get out of bankruptcy but they still had financial problems, large debts and so on. Interestingly, it was also at this time that the Sri Lankan national team started to develop a stronghold of the Indian cricket team. Knocking them out in the 2007 World Cup followed by great performances in the T20 World Cup and also winning the Asia Cup against them. Ajantha Mendis had great success against them as well as Muralitharan who managed to get 8 wickets in a match to get the world record. It was at this time that SL won their home series against them. We have strong reason to believe that the BCCI ordered SLC to inform their team to lose against India in repayment. Following this, Sri Lanka then started to lose their control over them. Ajantha Mendis was apparently "figured" out by the Indians. Sri Lanka then struggled to beat India in the following Asia Cup and home series and a number of other series. We believe that this is enough reason to believe that there is something suspicious going on in SLC. Playing so well in the 2011 World Cup and taking control of India in the final right till the end of the night, only to conspicuously give it away at the end. Malinga having taken 2 of the opening wickets says he "struggled to grip the ball", while from observing the footage, we clearly see him gripping the ball, at no point does he let the ball slip. We agree that this is a 'stupid' and 'weird' comment. Only months later during the CB Series in Australia, SL played thoroughly well against Australia but rarely found rhythm against India when in fact it was the same Indian team that struggled badly against Australia, England and even Bangladesh. While observing the CB series closely, we found there was one match where India managed to chase 320 in 37 overs. Now we are definitely no Smith and Sherlock, but we know the Indian team are not that special to be able to chase 320 in that many overs. After closer observation we found that it was apparently a knockout match that India needed to win to stay in the competition. Also they needed to win within 40 overs to stay in the competition. This clearly suggests that there is ongoing illegal activity in SL. In the recently concluded series, it was yet again oblivious. Though there was that one match where SL thrashed India by chasing a sub 130 total, however it was obvious from the body language of the players in the following game that SLC would have had a firm word with them. Dilshan was not himself in the series but apparently "suddenly found form" in the SLPL. Kumar Sangakkara, a man of dignity, apparently had a "bad cut to his hand by the lethal and dangerous Ashok Dinda, but wasn't affected by Brett Lee and co" which kept him from playing against India. Our team of experts then approached Mr Asantha De Mel on the issue and he had this to say, "I never followed what was going on, I am eating those Kettle chips." We then further probed him as to why he wouldn't take a matter such as this seriously and he replied with this, "...Those chips iz addictive..." In all fairness, he did have a point. We found that when we ate those Kettle chips, we weren't able to stop ourselves as it was notoriously addictive. We also quizzed Sri Lanka's captain Mahela Jayawardene to see if we could further extract more information and asked him why SL's youngsters played suspiciously better than SL's experienced against India. "Ya, I mean, the young guys are coming through and its important that they get that kind of exposure [of playing international cricket]. They're still young and working hard in the nets, and guys like Thirimanne and Chandi are coming through really well." We obviously did not get the kind of reaction we wanted but if you looked closely at his comments I'm sure you'll find something suspicious? We realised from observing current players in cricket today that some of them aren't technically cricketers but could potentially be matchwinners. Research on latest news found that Olympics fast runner Usain Bolt will be playing international cricket very soon. We like to inform our readers that we believe this is unfair as this would be a common Cricinfo commentary: 39.1 Langeveldt to Usain Bolt, 7 runs, lets it go through to the keeper who fumbles slightly but manages to run 7 runs within that time. Surely that mustn't have taken 9.43 seconds? Replays show he walked the 7 runs??? The Sri Lankan players injuries have also been a huge mystery and we asked Mr Asantha De Mel why there are so many injuries and he replied with this, "OMG! I just said I is eating those Kettle chips!" Our team of experts weren't able to decipher what "OMG" meant but probably it has something to do with Oranges, Mangoes and Grapes. Fruits of which are popular with the Sri Lankan tradition and we'd like to return the "OMG" to Asantha De Mel too as we too like Oranges, Mangoes and Grapes. We also like to inform our readers that we are not sure when is the most ripe time for Oranges, Mangoes and Grapes in Sri Lanka. During our raid, we also quizzed Tillakaratne Dilshan and hoped he would give insight to this controversial breaking news. "Dude, first off, this isn't controversial news, in fact I know you're making all this up, secondly, WTF? SRSLY? Why do you keep following me? Do I look like Princess Diana huh? Idiot! Trollface! You know what I think about your articles? I think they're [quality works which further enhances the reputation of journalism among society today and thanks to your work, we're always guaranteed that we get the most reliable news affecting SL Cricket today] and you can shove it in [your shelves somewhere or store it online on those eBook website things.]" We added the Cricinfo brackety things since we weren't able to hear Dilshan properly but we were pretty sure those are the words he intended. We were able to get a friendlier response from Kumar Sangakkara, "I don't believe there would be corruption in SL. In fact that's a little bit draconian. We don't take schadenfreude from SLC. To create chromatic aberration is clearly ablative. I believe in prosperity and benediction. I also hold strong faith in consistency. I believe if we strive for consistency, we get the results. We can add pressure on the opposition and get what we are looking for." Yet again, he didn't really answer the question and we weren't able to follow what he was talking about without having a dictionary nearby. "Having said that I think Kohli played well but the *itch was too good, we have no excuse for our performance." After a while we realised the asterisk(*) was to be replaced with a 'p'. We weren't able to extract any useful information from the Sri Lankans so we decided to step it up a notch and asked the Indian players themselves what they thought and we started MS Dhoni. "Um, no wait! I'm not going to answer these kinds of questions. You can't just barge into my house without knocking, point a mic into my face and ask a random question while I'm still in my underwear watching this Bollywood movie!" We then tried Kohli. "We're India, we're the best. That's it full stop." We then asked whether it was a little suspicious why SL would give into India so easily but challenge the likes of Australia and Pakistan to the core. "Nah...We're Indian players so we're God. Bow down fool! You'll never beat us SL, NEVER, so TAKE THJAT!" He was very heated at this point so we tried cooling him down with jokes like "Hey we love calling you Kohli-flower get it....Kohli-flower...." He didn't smile and seemed to get an even more red face. We tried to cool him down with words like "Hey cool down man. Drink some Coca Kohli...Coca...Kohli...." We left the building in a hurry and a little disappointed having not got what we were looking for. We also left wondering when was the last time we seen the Virused Kohli-flower smile. At the end of the day, our team of experts were left wondering whether SLC is corrupt or not. A win against India in the WT20 may prove that they're not or they may further justify our explanation. Nonetheless, at the end of the day we learnt to Gambhle with stories like this and tried sprinkling some Kohli-flower on some Dhonuts and hope it doesn't Raina! EDIT: We were just informed that this was the worst joke ever and that we should go[ on making more interesting articles]. Well we kinda Dinda expect that....k yea...
Precambrian Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Sad part is that it is supposed to be page 2 stuff. Dire.
badguy Posted October 31, 2012 Author Posted October 31, 2012 @fbm, India-lkfjlj fan I have no idea what a brool story is but sure I'll take it. I assume you mean "Thanks for alerting me with up-to-date news and how much I wish I sent to this to a brool company!!?" @Pre-camper, LOL, supposed to be page 2??? Nah, this page 1 stuff right here...
Debutant Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Is this written by u?? If yes,then you got skills in writing fiction. Please use them appropriatly.
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