Infosys Engr kills wife, commits suicide

[Guest HariSampath]

what the hell is wrong with young married couples ? hitech jobs, extra marital affairs, murder, suicide...this sucks ! http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2892122.cms BANGALORE: The neighbourhood of tony Koramangala woke up to a shocking Sunday when its residents saw cops entering the house of software engineer Amit Budhiraja to find him hanging from the ceiling fan. (Watch: Techie kills wife, commits suicide) His wife Rinku Sachdev was lying dead on the bed. A suicide note was found at the spot. Amit (30), from Delhi and employed with Infosys for nine years, allegedly smothered his wife Rinku (28) with a pillow, suspecting her of having an affair with a colleague. He then committed suicide by hanging himself. Rinku, from Mumbai, was a marketing executive with a leading private bank. They had married a year ago in Mumbai. The incident came to light on Sunday when Rinku’s friend Urmila, who lives nearby, went to their house after her repeated calls to Rinku went unanswered. Rinku was supposed to go for the new Bollywood release, Race, with Urmila in the morning. The house owner on the ground floor was then alerted and the police were informed. Cops entered the house with the help of a duplicate key provided by the house owner and found the two bodies along with a suicide note. "The couple must have had a fight on Saturday night. In a fit of rage, Amit smothered his wife and later hanged himself. A death note left by him read he killed Rinku for having an extramarital affair with a colleague," said police, adding bloodstains were found in the bedroom where their bodies were recovered. It appears the couple had frequent fights over the alleged affair. "Their troubles began after Rinku started coming home late from work," said a police officer. Investigation if complaint is lodged The police have booked a case of murder against Amit, even after his death. As for his death, a case has been filed under unnatural death report section. "We will speak to their friends and family members if they want an investigation. However, family members haven’t registered any complaint," said police officials. Amit was very intelligent, say friends Amit's friends said he was 'an intelligent bloke' they ever come across. "He was very intelligent. Amit would use network sniffers to peep into what was happening in others' desktops," recalled a friend, who came to St John's Hospital. "People used to be very careful of their computer security as they knew that there was a 'Peeping Tom' monitoring their actions. Amit used a software called Iris to replicate what was displayed on a desktop," the friends added.

[Rajiv]

I don't think it's anything to do with busy lives or anything, I mean what else could you ask, couple in their 30s with great jobs and great income..I'd love such a life This is a classic case of a either a " untrusting husband " or someone who found about his wife's affair. It could have been resolved but one thing led to another and now both are gone! The guy was a bit of a detective himself, using all those networks sniffers and what not so who knows what he found out about his wife

[Guest HariSampath]

Even if she had been cheating, maybe he could have simply walked out with a divorce and reshaped his life. This was no solution to anyone. But who knows how it is, what kind of expectations he had and what drove him to seek this kind of solution. He must have taken it real hard to do this.

[Rajiv]

...mix that up with alcohol, you never know But hari, sometimes it can be very tough to forgive a cheating wife/husband!, maybe he couldn't handle it He must be crazy to do what he did on mere speculation

[Guest HariSampath]

Why is it tough to forgive a cheating spouse ? In the first place if the spouse had been cheating, then the relationship is over instantly and the other partner need not even think "his wife" cheated..it is some other woman for all practical purposes, and he is just unfortunate to have made a bad choice, he should walk away and start elsewhere. The important thing is that out of every bad experience one should emerge stronger and wiser. I dont think this guy was speculating. Looks like this had been going on for a while, and the couple had been fighting about it. Moreover he has gone to the extent of murdering and then commiting suicide, so an intelligent guy like him ( even if it was am emotional decision) would have certainly got his facts right and confronted her, not just blow his top on mere suspicion.

[suraj]

Trust me websites like orkut, facebook and myspace while beong good on one hand for socialization are also a nuisance in terms of sending messages to ex-boyfriends, staying in touch etc Bottomline people need to start valuing their loves ones more than the instant gratifications

[suraj]

Why is it tough to forgive a cheating spouse ? In the first place if the spouse had been cheating, then the relationship is over instantly and the other partner need not even think "his wife" cheated..it is some other woman for all practical purposes, and he is just unfortunate to have made a bad choice, he should walk away and start elsewhere. The important thing is that out of every bad experience one should emerge stronger and wiser. I dont think this guy was speculating. Looks like this had been going on for a while, and the couple had been fighting about it. Moreover he has gone to the extent of murdering and then commiting suicide, so an intelligent guy like him ( even if it was am emotional decision) would have certainly got his facts right and confronted her, not just blow his top on mere suspicion.

Hari you are suggesting a mature response but not everyone (in fact most) are not that mature

[Guest HariSampath]

I know that this fellow reacted emotionally, and probably most people would do so in those circumstances. But I am inclined to think that it doesnt need any mature response, just a feeling of self interest would do , if the cheated fellow thinks " thank God I found out, this sucks bigtime, but better this than me being in the dark, I am getting out now and no alimony , mind you"...this would have given him a chance at his own life. But as I said, its not simply maturity here, one cant say how ppl would react to their wife cheating , its not a happy feeling to discover that the wife had been having an affair outside all the time. It would probably suck to know that all the time the fellow had been playing a husband's role, the wife may have been planning to meet her lover. It is really a very tragic situation ( whether the wife or husband has been cheating). Sometimes the husband might feel " You dont deserve to live, you have screwed up my life and you aint enjoying your miserable life with your lover and I cant live normally. So I give you my brand of punishment, and I shall pay the price for it too".

[Zap_Brannigan]

Hari, have you ever been cheated on? When you trust someone, its not easy to know that they hurt you.

[Rajiv]

Hari, when you are angry and jealous at heart..all that maturity fades for a 30 year old, but again everyone is different. Has anyone ever cheated or broken your heart? , I bet you it does cross your mind when you are in love and frankly maturity doesn't matter here You really think this was calculated? he killed her as he was sure about the affair -------------------------------- Suraj, you are right about facebook etc, I tell ya I just joined it and I can't belive my coincidences that old flings are living 20 mins away from me. You talk about small world, it looks tiny to me now

[Guest HariSampath]

As I am single I cant really say how any husband would feel if the wife cheats on him, but I dont see why it is the end of the world. Any relatioonship derives its value and beauty only on trust and honesty, for without these 2 love cannot exist. And the moment one of the partners ceases to value these two then the rel is over or in other words "never was", so why should guys break their heads over a "non event"...just move on, its a big world and there are other better women/men waiting and a whole life ahead. To end a spouse's life and/or end own life is hardly a solution and is too heavy a price to pay for feeling some hurt, which will go away soon enough anyway.

[CC1981]

and probably most people would do so in those circumstances

Is that from your desi experience ? Because most people i know here wouldn't kill themselves or their spouse for something as trivial as 'cheating'. The only people, ironically, i know who react that way here are the desis and arabs. Either way, its a sad testament to the culture where such people are 'most people'.

Has anyone ever cheated or broken your heart?

Yes, and i have forgiven in the past too...cheating can have context to it and i don't believe in the fanatical and fundamentalist approach of 'if cheat---> must leave/must kill'. What if she just got drunk and got into a one-nighter and regretted it ? I'd forgive that, atleast once. What if she did it coz you were being abusive/you were a limp-d!ck ? i'd forgive that too... What if you cheated coz she shut you out a dozen times in a row when you approached her ? chances are high that if you confessed, she'd banish you to the couch for a month but forgive you ultimately. And in either case, if something drives you to kill the person/hurt the person you love/loved just coz they hurt you, it means only one thing- that neither one of you really know the meaning of the word 'love' and it wasn't love to begin with, just lust that you guys thought was love. I think ultimately, the flaw is in the desi culture/asian culture, where the whole 'virgin till marriage---> faithful forever' is not only held as an ideal, but its looked down upon to deviate from it. Its only when too much stock is put into such a thing, do you have such cases of idiocy happening. It leads you to feel like you've hit jackpot/achieved something really big just coz you fell in love/got married and how breaking that ideal situation is 'anaarth ho gaya'. Which is why such nonsensical approach to love and relationship isn't prevalent in the west but its far more common in the east, especially amongst desis and arabs. Hell, in most societies where dating is prevalent, its very rare for the first time love/relationship to actually work out and thats how it should be naturally- for love/relationship is as much a learning experience as it is an enjoyable one and its highly unlikely that you'll hit your personality match off the first try. IMO, such idiotic attitudes would be less prevalent in India in the comming years, because the younger generation most certainly is breaking the idiotic marriage/sexual traditions of our culture and actually becomming more western in this regard.

[Rajiv]

As I am single I cant really say how any husband would feel if the wife cheats on him' date= but I dont see why it is the end of the world. Any relatioonship derives its value and beauty only on trust and honesty, for without these 2 love cannot exist. And the moment one of the partners ceases to value these two then the rel is over or in other words "never was", so why should guys break their heads over a "non event"...just move on, its a big world and there are other better women/men waiting and a whole life ahead. To end a spouse's life and/or end own life is hardly a solution and is too heavy a price to pay for feeling some hurt, which will go away soon enough anyway.

Yeah, you gotta feel the trauma but your explanation is pretty honest and I believe it works with rational people ..if I may say so, a cheating husband or wife should pay the price at some point of their life

[suraj]

Is that from your desi experience ? Because most people i know here wouldn't kill themselves or their spouse for something as trivial as 'cheating'. The only people, ironically, i know who react that way here are the desis and arabs. Either way, its a sad testament to the culture where such people are 'most people'. Yes, and i have forgiven in the past too...cheating can have context to it and i don't believe in the fanatical and fundamentalist approach of 'if cheat---> must leave/must kill'. What if she just got drunk and got into a one-nighter and regretted it ? I'd forgive that, atleast once. What if she did it coz you were being abusive/you were a limp-d!ck ? i'd forgive that too... What if you cheated coz she shut you out a dozen times in a row when you approached her ? chances are high that if you confessed, she'd banish you to the couch for a month but forgive you ultimately. And in either case, if something drives you to kill the person/hurt the person you love/loved just coz they hurt you, it means only one thing- that neither one of you really know the meaning of the word 'love' and it wasn't love to begin with, just lust that you guys thought was love. I think ultimately, the flaw is in the desi culture/asian culture, where the whole 'virgin till marriage---> faithful forever' is not only held as an ideal, but its looked down upon to deviate from it. Its only when too much stock is put into such a thing, do you have such cases of idiocy happening. It leads you to feel like you've hit jackpot/achieved something really big just coz you fell in love/got married and how breaking that ideal situation is 'anaarth ho gaya'. Which is why such nonsensical approach to love and relationship isn't prevalent in the west but its far more common in the east, especially amongst desis and arabs. Hell, in most societies where dating is prevalent, its very rare for the first time love/relationship to actually work out and thats how it should be naturally- for love/relationship is as much a learning experience as it is an enjoyable one and its highly unlikely that you'll hit your personality match off the first try. IMO, such idiotic attitudes would be less prevalent in India in the comming years, because the younger generation most certainly is breaking the idiotic marriage/sexual traditions of our culture and actually becomming more western in this regard.

Again do you have any prior experience in this because according to your psuedo-intelligent posts you only state something after you have experienced something so has your wife cheated on you, are you indian and an arab or are you again blowing smoke from your arse???

[Rajiv]

Culture does play a role in this fiasco for sure, but a jealous husband is a jealous husband, no matter wherever you go Another point is that in the west, generally; it's easier to find another woman to continue as compared to the east so the mindset is a lot different

[suraj]

Culture does play a role in this fiasco for sure, but a jealous husband is a jealous husband, no matter wherever you go Another point is that in the west, generally; it's easier to find another woman to continue as compared to the east so the mindset is a lot different

Thats something a psuedo-Indian psuedo-canadian psuedo-intelligent CC can never understand mate

[Guest HariSampath]

@ Rajeev and zap. In this case and also other similar cases, the woman's situation is many times ignored. I had seen many instances where within the early years of an arranged marriage, the woman does meet someone she genuinely falls in love with. She fights a real lonely emotional/moral battle as to whether end her existing marriage and seek happiness where she sees love, but there are social norms, pressures etc and in some instances very young child or something. I really feel sorry for such women, who at the same time feel trapped by a circumstantial bad choice, and the inability to have their own lives. They will end up being miserable, making their husband miserable and also their lover miserable ( apart from the child). In such situations, it is far better for the woman to make a clean break and not be afraid to start a life with the person they feel they genuinely love. It is also fair to the husbands. But Indian society does not allow for this type of alliances. It might have been so much better in this particular case, if the girl had simply told her husband she is walking out of the marriage, he may not have liked it but he would have taken it in the end.

[CC1981]

Again do you have any prior experience in this because according to your psuedo-intelligent posts you only state something after you have experienced something

Yes, i have experience in atleast one of the above scenarios i have quoted- i won't divulge which one, because IMO, its a bit too private an info to be communicating over a public forum.

so has your wife cheated on you, are you indian and an arab or are you again blowing smoke from your arse???

I am an IBC ( Indian born Canadian), who's spent a lot of time in Arabia, India, Europe and Canada). As per wife cheating...no, i've never been married officially....but lets just say that both she and I considered ourselves married to each other anyways. ===============

but a jealous husband is a jealous husband, no matter wherever you go

True, but as i said (and as i am sure you know from living here), you don't often find one spouse killing the other here because of cheating, thats far more prevalent in our asian culture.

it's easier to find another woman to continue as compared to the east so the mindset is a lot different

Yes, as i said, in the east, people try very hard to live up to the ideal relationship situation- where you marry the person you sleep with for the first time/marry and then break virginity and expect it to last forever. It is our mindset that needs to change and the ironic thing is, every piece of literature i've read- indian or otherwise, from our distant past, suggests that we were once a lot like the western civs are today.

[Guest HariSampath]

The statistics in the West show that almost all murders committed by men/lovers/husbands are due to motives of jealousy one way or other. A jealous boyfriend, outraged husband or ex-husband is more likely to murder wife/gf/ex out of a feeling of being cheated, in the west more than anywhere else in the world. The crime statistics for mindless mass murders ( like the dozens of college shootings) also indicate a g/f , lover as a major reason which makes an unbalanced man , usually with a fancy for guns, to go on a shooting spree. Passion crimes are much more prevalent in the west than in other parts of the world. As jealousy/outrage etc is the principal driving force, the inherent feeling behind the action would be universally same everywhere, but in the west the opportunity and means for actually doing the crime is much more. Almost all law enforcement agencies cite the spouse/partner as the first suspect when a wife/husband is murdered in a non profit crime. The spouse is a natural suspect even in instances when the couple have not been living together recently.

[CC1981]

The statistics in the West show that almost all murders committed by men/lovers/husbands are due to motives of jealousy one way or other.

Utter nonsense, really. Show me some of those stats please. I can tell you for a FACT that in Canada, the higher % of murders are not crimes of passion, but due to material gain ( killing your parents/spouse for their wealth, killing the guy in the bank,superstore,etc) and that is categorically proven in StatsCAN, the official stats website iin Canada...unfortunately, its user-access controlled, so i can't just link you up to the stats there. But the above is a typical misconception about the west.

The crime statistics for mindless mass murders ( like the dozens of college shootings) also indicate a g/f , lover as a major reason which makes an unbalanced man , usually with a fancy for guns, to go on a shooting spree.

Again, utter nonsense. The last several mass murder shooting sprees were done by people who had serious mental problems and not just 'dumped by gf/lover as a major reason'. That is true for both the Montreal massacres in the 90s and couple of years ago,true for the VirginiaTech massacre as well as countless others.

Passion crimes are much more prevalent in the west than in other parts of the world.

Most categorically false, crimes that are most prevalent in the west are material crimes, not crimes of passion.

jealousy/outrage etc is the principal driving force, the inherent feeling behind the action would be universally same everywhere

Except that in desi culture, if there is some serious deciet in marriage, its a very serious, life-altering 'boo-freakin-hoo' case, in the west, most people move on.

Almost all law enforcement agencies cite the spouse/partner as the first suspect when a wife/husband is murdered in a non profit crime. The spouse is a natural suspect even in instances when the couple have not been living together recently.

Duh! Thats called following the checklist, Sherlock. And yes, when its a non-profit crime, spouse/lovers are the first suspect. Except that non-profit crimes are far rarer in the west than in India or most other parts of the world and profit crimes are far more prevalent here than elsewhere in the world. I don't know why exactly you have to go around spreading falsehood, but i am 100% sure you cannot show me a single reputable statistical site that will corroborrate your assessments.