DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Q. What's pink and fluffy A. Pink fluff Q. What's blue and fluffy A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the her a shovel If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ? :dontknow:
Sachinism Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower? Give the her a shovel If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ? :dontknow: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Sachinism Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 A college guy takes a college girl out for a first date. After being at the carnival for about an hour, the guy asked the girl, "What do you want to do?" She replied, "I want to get weighed." He shrugged, then took her to a scale. They went and rode a ride. Afterwards, he asked her what she wanted to do. She said, "I want to get weighed." He was beginning to get annoyed, but he took her to the scale again. About an hour later, he asked her what she wanted to do, again. She replied, "I want to get weighed." At this point, he was beginning to think she was weird and took her home, farewelling her with only a handshake. She walked back to the room to her roomate, Laura. Laura asks her, "How was the date?" The girl complained, "Oh Waura, it was wousy.":haha: Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some f**king French toast' date='" he says. The mother is outraged at his bad language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f**king French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the f**king French toast."[/quote'] An archeologist is walking through the dense jungles of Amazon. Suddenly he realizes that he is surrounded by a cannibal tribe. They are holding long knives and are dancing looking at him. He realizes that they would catch him and eat him. He screams "Oh God! I am screwed!!" God says "No Son, you are not screwed." "God, is that really you?" "Yes, its me. And you are not screwed. Do one thing, pick up that large rock and smash it on the head of the chief." The archiologist is scared. "God, are you sure?" "Yes, pick up that large rock and smash it on the head of the chief." With hundreds of arms cannibals surrounding him, the man picks up the rock and smashes the head of the chief. The guy falls like dead like a log. All the cannibals stop and look at him in sheer anger. God said "Okay, now you are screwed." :haha: Gal: Is dress ka kya price hai? Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 kiss. Girl: Aur us dress ka? Shopkeeper: 10 kiss. Girl: Dono dress pack kar do, bill Daddy denge. :two_thumbs_up::two_thumbs_up: And that lesbian dino is lickalotapus
DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :two_thumbs_up::two_thumbs_up: And that lesbian dino is lickalotapus Thank you.:two_thumbs_up:
DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Santa: I have vowed to remain a virgin all my life. I will give the same advice to my children also.
DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 Definition of nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute bending over you and then expects your pulse to be normal ------------------------------- Santa to Preeto: I have written many books. What kind of books are you interested in? Preeto: Cheque books. ------------------------------------ Santa: I believe in freedom of press. Preeto: Does that mean I don't have to iron your clothes from today?
DomainK Posted October 20, 2009 Author Posted October 20, 2009 A wise judge was asked to resolve the fight between several women from a hostel. When the judge met them, they all started accusing cursing each other. "Silence!!" Screamed the judge. "Order in my court room. Speak in turn- I will hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of evidence.
Riley's Girl Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Santa: I have vowed to remain a virgin all my life. I will give the same advice to my children also. This one is so bad I had to laugh!
Riley's Girl Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Definition of nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute bending over you and then expects your pulse to be normal ------------------------------- Santa to Preeto: I have written many books. What kind of books are you interested in? Preeto: Cheque books. :two_thumbs_up:
Riley's Girl Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 A wise judge was asked to resolve the fight between several women from a hostel. When the judge met them, they all started accusing cursing each other. "Silence!!" Screamed the judge. "Order in my court room. Speak in turn- I will hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of evidence. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Riley's Girl Posted October 20, 2009 Posted October 20, 2009 Btw Domaink, the french toast one is a hit with my brother and his friends.
DomainK Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 This one is so bad I had to laugh! :two_thumbs_up: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Btw Domaink' date=' the french toast one is a hit with my brother and his friends.[/quote'] Thank you.
DomainK Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. -------------------------------- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. -------------------- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. ---------------- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. ------------------------ Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. ------------------- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ------------------ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? ----------------- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it. ------------------------- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" -------------------------------- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. ---------------------------------------- Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. -------------------------------------- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -------------------------------------- Fighting for peace is like ****ing for virginity. ------------------------------------------ He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. ---------------------------------------------- Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. -------------------------------------------------- It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end. ------------------------------------------------- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? -------------------------------------------------- I intend to live forever. So far, so good. ------------------------------------------------------- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. ---------------------------------------------------------- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. --------------------------------------------------------- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! ---------------------------------------------------------
DomainK Posted October 21, 2009 Author Posted October 21, 2009 Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table." --------------------------------------------- "What did one ghost say to another?" "Do you believe in people?" ---------------------------------------------- It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !! ----------------------------------------------- My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs. --------------------------------------------------- A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began,"you've been brought here for drinking." "Great," the drunk exclaimed,"When do we get started?" -----------------------------------------------
nikred Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Some amazing quotes, Dom. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Desi Cartman Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
DomainK Posted October 23, 2009 Author Posted October 23, 2009 Intelligent A boy asked his father,"Who is more intelligent, I, or you?" The father said,"Obviously I, as I am your father." The boy asked,"Then you Should be knowing that who discovered America." His father said,"Columbus Discored America." The boy said,"If fathers are more intelligent than their children, then why didnt Columbuss father discoverd America? Why was it Columbus who Discovered America?"
Riley's Girl Posted October 23, 2009 Posted October 23, 2009 Some more great ones, courtesy of Domaink.:two_thumbs_up:
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