Temujin Khaghan Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving." New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly." Neighbor 1: "So what is it you do for a living?" New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning." Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?" New Neighbor: "Let me give you and example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog." Neighbor 1: "That is right." New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family." Neighbor 1: "Right again." New Neighbor: "Since you have a family I deduce that you have a wife." Neighbor 1: "Correct." New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual." Neighbor 1: "Yup" New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning." Neighbor 1: "Cool." Later that same day: Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door." Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?" Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job." Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah what does he do?" Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University." Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?" Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?" Neighbor 2: "No." Neighbor 1: "gay." =============================================== ULTIMATE JOKE!!!! God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining his subordinates... "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deers there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes... And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance. One of the angels asked... "God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?" God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", my most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold... The angel was quite surprised "But god you said everything should be in balance." God replied - "Look at the neighbours, I gave them." =============================================== A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh!t." =============================================== A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says.................. "Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard." =================================================== TO UNDERSTAND THE JOKE, U MUST REMEMBER THE INTEGRATION!!! MY FRIENDS LUVED IT Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic math. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question, all she has to do is answer, "One third x cubed." She agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself. The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks, "What is the integral of x squared?" The waitress says, "One third x cubed." Then, while walking away, she turns back and says, "Plus a constant!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Top 5 lies of Women: 1. I am a virgin. 2. It is so big. 3. I can't do that to my best friend. 4. I won't gain weight after marriage 5. I am coming! I am coming!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says.................. "Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Dachshunds are so cute. I had one when I was small. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Fabulous jokes, i think these are the sort of jokes that enlighten jokes section Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shubham45 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 these jokes r gud.................but its too big Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Warrior Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 cool jokes.... :two_thumbs_up: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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