gaurav92 Posted September 2, 2011 Posted September 2, 2011 Wrong smiley. you phail :finger: Yaa should have been lot more harsh. Replace that smiley with this : :facepalm: And your joke phail not me :thefinger:
punjabiplaya Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 In my flat i live below a bulimic women. every night she is throwing up and the noise is unbelieveable! But apparently, its not appropriate to bang on the ceiling and shout "keep it down love!!" :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 tesco's new Korean meatballs really are the dog's bollocks. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!" This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!" "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh feck. It's started."
punjabiplaya Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 I went to a Hindu woman's house this afternoon and jizzed in her face. Well She did tell me to cum at three o' clock, on the dot.
punjabiplaya Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 A consultant surgeon asks his colleague, "Have you informed the Paki in bed 9 he only had a week to live?" "Yes." he replies "Oh you cu*t! I wanted to tell him!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 4, 2011 Author Posted September 4, 2011 The government have published a guide for parents that will help them spot the tell- tale signs that their son is a gang member. I could save them a lot of money here by just asking the parents one question: "Is your son black?"
Sid Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 A consultant surgeon asks his colleague, "Have you informed the Paki in bed 9 he only had a week to live?" "Yes." he replies "Oh you cu*t! I wanted to tell him!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :cantstop:
Sidhoni Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!" This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!" "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realise that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh feck. It's started." :haha::haha:
Sachin=GOD Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 What is the height of customer service??? Swiss Banks thinking of opening ATMs in Tihar Jail.
gaurav92 Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 ^Read it on FB yesterday, so you are in FB too Aayush :acute:
Sachin=GOD Posted September 7, 2011 Posted September 7, 2011 ^Read it on FB yesterday' date=' so you are in FB too Aayush :acute:[/quote'] Nah. I read it Outlook magazine a few days ago
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with my vacuum cleaner. Jesus, talk about Dyson with death!
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I met a big fat bird in a club last night and I said to her 'Jesus your a big lass aren't you?'. With a tear in her eye she said 'Tell me something that I don't know !'. So I said 'Salad tastes nice !'
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 I went to a fancy dress shop the other day to get a vampire costume for a Halloween Party and the young girl behind the counter gave me an arsenal kit. A little bemused I said to her, "sorry love, you must have misheard me, I want to look like a Count!!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Paddy shouts down the phone "my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart. "Is this her first child" asks the doctor. No shouts paddy this is her husband. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 10 Rare Facts -ALL TRUE- 1: Adult Lions can run up to 50mph! 2: If you're left handed there is a slight chance a twin died in the womb. 3: Being stabbed is more painful than being shot. 4: Chewing gum while peeling onions will stop you from crying! 5: The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows! 6: When the moons directly over your head, you weigh less! 7: "I Am" Is the shortest sentence in the english language! 8: The average male penis is the length of their thumb! 9: In some countries the toothpaste brand "Colgate" meant "Go Hang Yourself", and was banned. 10: You looked at your thumb, didn't you!!!
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 Amir said to his wife this morning "I'm off to cycle to work love" he gets his bike out of the shed and realise its pissin down! Amir thinks feck it, get back into bed for extra twenty mins and decide to slip the mrs one from behind. She moans and starts waking up. So I say "Its pissin down out there!" She replies "I know, And that stupid cu*t's cycling to work!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 7, 2011 Author Posted September 7, 2011 So I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is stood at the side of me. So I asked him do you know martial arts like Kung Fu and ju-jitsu... He replied why the feck you ask me that.. Is it because I'm Chinese?! I said no it's because your drinking my fecking pint
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