punjabiplaya Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 As a photographer, imagine my delight when I got a job to photograph pupils at a predominantly Chinese school. I made a fortune, and only had to take one photo. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I love having a Chinese girlfriend When she walks in on me fecking her friends, I can always lie, "But darling, I thought it was you.... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 As a photographer, imagine my delight when I got a job to photograph pupils at a predominantly Chinese school. I made a fortune, and only had to take one photo. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :cantstop:
Jadoo Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 i am to busy lately...to post many jokes as my wifes due in 3 weeks..maybe others can also post? Thats amazing P, congratulations to you and your missus, hope everything goes smoothly.
Sachin=GOD Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 As a photographer, imagine my delight when I got a job to photograph pupils at a predominantly Chinese school. I made a fortune, and only had to take one photo. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
bihutoli Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 i am to busy lately...to post many jokes as my wifes due in 3 weeks..maybe others can also post? Congrats buddy! :two_thumbs_up: You'll be even busier take it from me. So you better post all you can now.
Sidhoni Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I love having a Chinese girlfriend When she walks in on me fecking her friends, I can always lie, "But darling, I thought it was you.... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 You know you're getting old when: I was watching Babe Station. There was this gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit, pushing a vac around, bending over provocatively. And as her little skirt rode up, exposing her lovely little bottom with the little strip of black material covering her crack, all I could think was: "We used to have a Hoover like that one." :giggle:
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 What's black and doesn't work? Half of London.
punjabiplaya Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn't get me anywhere. Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married". So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinkin'? :hysterical::hysterical:
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for **** sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!" :cantstop:
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 There once was three guys who didn't have any money. or any food. They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satiafied. One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?" They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered . They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her . The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed. She took him into her barn and said to get started. He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate. Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started ****ing her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started ****ing her with that one. Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left . The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
1983-2011 Posted October 1, 2011 Posted October 1, 2011 There once were two priests, father Dick and father Ray. One day after a very long mass, the two priests decided to hit the showers, halfway through there showers the priests realized that there was no soap. So, father Ray says to Father dick "I have extra soap in my room, I'll go get some". So he leaves to fetch the soap and doesn't bother to get dressed becuase who would still be in the church at such a late hour? So he comes back from his room with two bars of soap and is walking down the hall when suddenly he hears voices coming around the corner, so with his quick thinking he froze to the wall, stiff as a statue. The voices turned out to be that of three nuns, who, when saw him standing there like a statue stopped to look at and admire him complimenting at how realistic he looks and what a nice body he has. When suddenly one of the nuns reaches out and grabbed his penis. Startled, he dropped a bar of soap, with this the nun said "Oh look, a soap dispencer", wanting to test the first nuns theory the second nun reaches out and also grabs his penis, again he drops a bar of soap. With this the nun says "Yes it's true, it is a soap dispencer". Wanting to get her share of soap and excitement too, the third nun reaches out and grabs his penis. But nothing happended for he was all out of soap, so she goes on yanking and pulling his penis for the next few minutes until, to her delight, she squeals "Oh! Look, handcream!" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 The pessimist sees only the dark in the tunnel.The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.The realist sees a train coming in the tunnel.The train driver sees three complete pri*ks sitting on the fecking railway line.
punjabiplaya Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 WARNING do not use the tesco dating service my mate used it & ended up with a bag 4 life
punjabiplaya Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Paddy comes home to find his wife propping up the washing machine on one side with 2 bricks, 'jees what the feck are you doing?' asks paddy, his wife replies 'doing the washing at 30 degrees you thick bast*rd'
punjabiplaya Posted October 2, 2011 Author Posted October 2, 2011 Just bought the wife a solar powered vibrator, seeing as the sun shines out of her ar*e it should save me a fecking fortune on batteries.
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