DomainK Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!" The man said, "What little girl?!" The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!" The man now in tears, said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!" The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."
punjabiplaya Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 A man and a woman walk into a bank and ask to see the manager. They are ushered in and the manager, despite his professionalism, can hardly keep his eyes off the bulging cleavage and perfect curves of the woman. "Mr Wilson" says the man, "I have an investment proposition that needs £20,000. I presume, as I bank here, that will be no problem?" Smugly the bank manager replies, "In banking, one should never assume Sir. I will need to ask a few questions and run a few checks." "Here's the deal." says the man, leaning forward. "No questions. No checks. £20,000 today and I will let you have my wife for one night and one night only to do whatever you want. And she is very.. adventurous." Once again Mr Wilson mentally undresses the woman, licks his lips, loosens his tie and becomes flustered. After a few moments he buzzes in his secretary and they draw up the paperwork. He arranges to bring the money to the executive suite of the Radisson hotel at 7 o'clock that evening. At ten to seven, Mr Wilson nervously enters the hotel lobby and takes the lift to the 17th floor. He knocks shyly on the door of the suite and it is answered by the woman in a low cut short red dress and heels. "Mr Wilson" she purrs. "Have you got the money?" The bank manager shakily hands her an envelope. She smiles. "Then come in." He follows the woman into the room and stops in shock. Lying on the bed is a hideously ugly woman in faded grey underwear eating a pie. At least 25 stone, she lies in a provocative pose showing unshaven armpits and bikini line. The man is sitting in an armchair with a glass of Scotch. "What's this?!" stutters the bank manager. "My wife" says the man. "In banking, Mr Wilson, one should never assume."
kabira Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 A man and a woman walk into a bank and ask to see the manager. They are ushered in and the manager, despite his professionalism, can hardly keep his eyes off the bulging cleavage and perfect curves of the woman. "Mr Wilson" says the man, "I have an investment proposition that needs Ž£20,000. I presume, as I bank here, that will be no problem?" Smugly the bank manager replies, "In banking, one should never assume Sir. I will need to ask a few questions and run a few checks." "Here's the deal." says the man, leaning forward. "No questions. No checks. Ž£20,000 today and I will let you have my wife for one night and one night only to do whatever you want. And she is very.. adventurous." Once again Mr Wilson mentally undresses the woman, licks his lips, loosens his tie and becomes flustered. After a few moments he buzzes in his secretary and they draw up the paperwork. He arranges to bring the money to the executive suite of the Radisson hotel at 7 o'clock that evening. At ten to seven, Mr Wilson nervously enters the hotel lobby and takes the lift to the 17th floor. He knocks shyly on the door of the suite and it is answered by the woman in a low cut short red dress and heels. "Mr Wilson" she purrs. "Have you got the money?" The bank manager shakily hands her an envelope. She smiles. "Then come in." He follows the woman into the room and stops in shock. Lying on the bed is a hideously ugly woman in faded grey underwear eating a pie. At least 25 stone, she lies in a provocative pose showing unshaven armpits and bikini line. The man is sitting in an armchair with a glass of Scotch. "What's this?!" stutters the bank manager. "My wife" says the man. "In banking, Mr Wilson, one should never assume." Hahahahha:--D:--D:--D:--D:--D:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
J P K Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Smugly the bank manager replies, "In banking, one should never assume Sir. "My wife" says the man. "In banking, Mr Wilson, one should never assume." epic :cantstop:
Sid Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 A man and a woman walk into a bank and ask to see the manager. They are ushered in and the manager, despite his professionalism, can hardly keep his eyes off the bulging cleavage and perfect curves of the woman. "Mr Wilson" says the man, "I have an investment proposition that needs Ž£20,000. I presume, as I bank here, that will be no problem?" Smugly the bank manager replies, "In banking, one should never assume Sir. I will need to ask a few questions and run a few checks." "Here's the deal." says the man, leaning forward. "No questions. No checks. Ž£20,000 today and I will let you have my wife for one night and one night only to do whatever you want. And she is very.. adventurous." Once again Mr Wilson mentally undresses the woman, licks his lips, loosens his tie and becomes flustered. After a few moments he buzzes in his secretary and they draw up the paperwork. He arranges to bring the money to the executive suite of the Radisson hotel at 7 o'clock that evening. At ten to seven, Mr Wilson nervously enters the hotel lobby and takes the lift to the 17th floor. He knocks shyly on the door of the suite and it is answered by the woman in a low cut short red dress and heels. "Mr Wilson" she purrs. "Have you got the money?" The bank manager shakily hands her an envelope. She smiles. "Then come in." He follows the woman into the room and stops in shock. Lying on the bed is a hideously ugly woman in faded grey underwear eating a pie. At least 25 stone, she lies in a provocative pose showing unshaven armpits and bikini line. The man is sitting in an armchair with a glass of Scotch. "What's this?!" stutters the bank manager. "My wife" says the man. "In banking, Mr Wilson, one should never assume." :cantstop:
Sid Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Kids know far too much these days. Today in the doctors waiting room I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls imitating the doggy position. I bent down and told her 'You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that. 'She replied 'I don't think so' date=' he's doing her up the ar*e'[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I was watching an 18 rated film with my little boy earlier. He said, "Dad I'm getting scared, is that lady going to die?" I said, "Probably son judging by the size of that horse's c*ck!"
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 A sexy black bird in the pub said to me "you fancy walking me home big boy?" I said "feck off, Africa's 3,617 miles away".
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Dare devil stuntman Klu Klux Knievel failed his attempt to jump 124 nig*as in his steamroller but the council thanked him for laying 388ft of tarmac complete with cats eyes
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I asked a gay friend what's the best way of removing a condom. He said "fart"
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 Tesco has announced 20k new jobs to be created in the UK. The Prime Minister of Poland has welcomed the news.
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 My sexy teacher asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years time. She went through everyone in the class and the boy next to me said "I wanna be the first man to go to Mars!" She wasn't very happy when I said "I wanna be the first person to go to Uranus".
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 You reckon your job's repetitive? Try being a midwife in an chineese hospital... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 I was fecking my secretary up the ar*e when my wife walked in. She said, "You can't do this to me! she shouted I said, "I know... that's why I'm doing it to her :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
shinchan Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 My sexy teacher asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years time. She went through everyone in the class and the boy next to me said "I wanna be the first man to go to Mars!" She wasn't very happy when I said "I wanna be the first person to go to Uranus". :hysterical:
Nova Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 My sexy teacher asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years time. She went through everyone in the class and the boy next to me said "I wanna be the first man to go to Mars!" She wasn't very happy when I said "I wanna be the first person to go to Uranus". :hysterical::hysterical:
Sid Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 My sexy teacher asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years time. She went through everyone in the class and the boy next to me said "I wanna be the first man to go to Mars!" She wasn't very happy when I said "I wanna be the first person to go to Uranus". You reckon your job's repetitive? Try being a midwife in an chineese hospital... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: I was fecking my secretary up the ar*e when my wife walked in. She said, "You can't do this to me! she shouted I said, "I know... that's why I'm doing it to her :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 A man has been arrested for throwing petrol over crowds of pakis. Police asked him what he thought he was doing ? The man replied "about 35 to the gallon". :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 13, 2012 Author Posted March 13, 2012 Amir seemed embarrased..whats up i asked?? well the Doctor was checking my balls for any lumps earlier today. It got a bit awkward when I started to run my fingers through his hair. :haha:
gaurav92 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 My sexy teacher asked us what we thought we would be doing in ten years time. She went through everyone in the class and the boy next to me said "I wanna be the first man to go to Mars!" She wasn't very happy when I said "I wanna be the first person to go to Uranus". :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
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