punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Bloke waiting on a bone marrow transplant hears there is a donor in Argentina! The operation goes ahead and is successful so the bloke decides to write to him to thank him. He starts the letter... "Dear Diego marrow donor".
shinchan Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 a pakistani woman went to police station to file a rape case. officer: do u know the person who did it to u woman: yes. it was cricketer shahid afridi officer: how do u know? woman: he was paddad nd he had helmet and gloves on. officer: but he can be any cricketer. how do u knw it was afridi? woman: bcs he didnt last long :hysterical::hysterical:
Utalk Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 There is this good old barber in a city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service..' the florist is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. An indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. ' The indian software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...? - - - - can you guess? - - - - - try to guessssssssssssssss . ? ? ? Come on, think like an indian...... ......... .. - - - - - - - a dozen indians waiting for a haircut !
Sidhoni Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 a pakistani woman went to police station to file a rape case. officer: do u know the person who did it to u woman: yes. it was cricketer shahid afridi officer: how do u know? woman: he was paddad nd he had helmet and gloves on. officer: but he can be any cricketer. how do u knw it was afridi? woman: bcs he didnt last long :haha::haha:
DomainK Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 There is this good old barber in a city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service..' the florist is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. An indian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: 'i am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service. ' The indian software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...? - - - - can you guess? - - - - - try to guessssssssssssssss . ? ? ? Come on, think like an indian...... ......... .. - - - - - - - a dozen indians waiting for a haircut ! Since when policemen started making donuts? Joke :fail:
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 My wife's sister knocked me out yesterday.I was so fecking angry.What sort of sick bit*h puts chloroform on her dirty knickers.
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 A Irishman is at a drinks vending machine in a Casino. He sticks a pound in . Pushes the button . And catches the can when when it pops out .Then he puts another pound in and does the same again .Then again . Then again . Eventually the casino manager comes over and says . ' hay paddy you must be really thirsty.''not really.' replies paddy. 'but i dont want to stop while Im winning .' :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Essex school girl says, "Mummy, I know where babies come from.!" Mum replies, "Where's that then sweetie.?" Girl says, "Mummy & Daddy take their clothes off & Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out & Mummy puts it in her mouth & sucks it & that's how u get babies.!" Shaking her head, Mum says, "Oh darling that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies, that's how we get flowers, jewellery, clothes & shoes.!" :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 A young gypsy girl is preparing for her wedding and her mother gives her a final bit of advice, "Emerald you do know tomorrow night is your honeymoon night and your husband is gonna want to stick his most prized possession into where you p*ss?" She replies, "Don't talk so daft ma, how the feck's he gonna fit his Transit van in our sink?
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Amir and a girl where fooling around under the duvet when things started to get hot. "I'm just going to run a bath" she said to Amir... "Ooh, and what are you expecting to do to me in there?" Amir winked. "Give you a wash you smelly paki fecker!" she replied. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 What is similar about Peter Andre and Abu Qatada? Neither want to go back to Jorden
Utalk Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Since when policemen started making donuts? Joke :fail: Probably bought them for the Greggs
1983-2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I walked into the pub and the barman said, "Your wife looked quite ravishing last night. Now what can I get you Bob?" "Whatever you've been drinking, mate."
1983-2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 My sexy neighbour has left her curtains open slightly, so I'm watching her masturbate with my telescope. I can't see very well, though. If only I had my telescope.
1983-2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I ****ed this woman last night and finished all over her face: "You dirty bastard" she moaned, "you could have given me some warning." "Sorry love, I'm a bus driver" I said. "I don't give any indication when I'm pulling out."
1983-2011 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 My girlfriend said she hates how I take everything so literally and thus "we can no longer see each other". "Yes we can" I replied, "We're stood six feet apart, use your ****ing eyes".
1983-2011 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I didn't take it very well when my girlfriend broke up with me, so I've burned everything that reminds me of her. Like photos, love letters, and her twin sister.
1983-2011 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 I walked into the DIY shop, "Excuse me," I asked, "Have you got any 6" screws?" "Only what we've got on the shelf," Replied the cashier pointing. I don't know why he's selling these, I thought to myself as I unscrewed them and the shelf fell down.
1983-2011 Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 My wife found me in the living room watching Hannah Montana. "You're pathetic," she snarled. "What!" I replied, "You know how much Amy loves this show. I just wanted to make sure it was recording." "Really?" She said, "I might just have bought that excuse if your trousers weren't round your ankles."
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