jimmy321321 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 A load of birthday cards arrived at my door today. "Stupid cu*ts," I said to the wife, laughing, "my birthday's not for another month." For some reason she got really pissed off and stormed upstairs crying.
jimmy321321 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 "There's a spider in the bedroom," screamed my wife, "Get it out Dave! Please get it out!" "I don't know why they turn you on so much," I said, unzipping my jeans.
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 After 10 years, my wife finally swallowed my cum "What does it taste like" I asked "Probably be better if it was fresh" she replied
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I told my son that he should have a big shave before he started his first day at secondary school. "But I haven't even got a tash yet". He said "Yeah but you're ginger".
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 "You're only interested in what I've got between my legs,you bastard."She shouted, "You're ****in' right there,"I yelled."Now will you go and play your bongos outside another shop.You're driving all my business away."
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 It's just cost Prince William £75,000 in solicitor fees to stop any further grotesque topless pictures of his wife. For fu$k sake, a b00b job would have done the same for only 5 grand.
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Me and my wife are like a dog and a bone. I'm bone idle and she's dog ugly.
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 The local librarian phoned me about being overdue. I should've used a fu$king condom.
1983-2011 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 My new girlfriend keeps telling me how loving, trustworthy and caring I am. Try telling my wife that....
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 "A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar."That's very rude!" one of them said. "Just for that you can buy ours! That'll be two margaritas.""And two cheese and tomato pizzas for these fat bags please."
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I've just found out the little African boy I sponsor died in January. I am totally devastated. I could have cancelled the Direct Debit fecking months ago.
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 If you had to choose between your wife and winning the lottery.. What kind of car would you buy 1st?
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Wife: honey I wish you were a newspaper then I could hold you in my arms all day. Husband: I wish you were a newspaper too then I could have a new one everyday
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I turned around to my wife and said ' Honey I have a problem' she repied 'we're partners if you have a problem then it's we've got a problem' I said 'OK as long as you remember that. Well we got your sister pregnant!!!!!' :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 At Christmas this year, the Royal Family are having a 'Pirates Of The Carribean' themed pantomime. Prince William will be taking the lead role as Jack Sparrow, thanks to his dashing good looks and skill with a sword. Kate Middleton will be playing the part of the treasure. Thanks to her sunken chest.
punjabiplaya Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Only 3 days back at school and my nipper has just said "Dad... Some of the kids at school keep saying I'm racist." "Which kids, son?" "The ni*gers!" :hysterical::hysterical:
Tiger-Don Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Only 3 days back at school and my nipper has just said "Dad... Some of the kids at school keep saying I'm racist." "Which kids, son?" "The ni*gers!" :hysterical::hysterical: hahahahhahahahahahahha lmfaooo dwl....smwl (stabbing myself with laughter)
punjabiplaya Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Even after ten years of marriage, my wife's still a real good looker.No matter where I hide my porn, she always finds it. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 After shagging Cheryl Cole yesterday, I think there are two things you should know.. First, her fanny is tight as feck, a real struggle to get in. Second the staff at Madame Tussauds are miserable feckers with no sense of humour! :hysterical::hysterical:
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