punjabiplaya Posted October 25, 2012 Author Posted October 25, 2012 Today my wife said " I've got a terrible head cold" I said it probably coz ur a fat bit*h innit" she replied "how the feck you work that out u tos*er " I said " Coz ur head's always stuck in the fridge" :hysterical::hysterical:
1983-2011 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 "Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
1983-2011 Posted October 27, 2012 Posted October 27, 2012 "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me.
MonishaSarabhai Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 I didn't want to panic my wife when I got up in the middle of the night to find the kitchen on fire. So I quietly left the house. :--D
punjabiplaya Posted October 28, 2012 Author Posted October 28, 2012 My Jewish friend has been given two months to live. He's already auctioned his heart and sold one of his kidneys :--D
1983-2011 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I went up to a girl at the bar last night. "If you show me your tits, I'll let you feel my c0ck," I said. "I don't want to feel your c0ck, thank you very much!" she replied. I thought "It's nice to meet a girl who doesn't want something in return for a change."
1983-2011 Posted October 29, 2012 Posted October 29, 2012 I kept hearing how big Sandy is, in the papers and on television, even people at the shops were talking about the size of Sandy...I went straight home in a panic and told my wife that her weight problem has made international headlines!
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 I phoned my boss this morning, "Look, I know I'm late but I have a really good excuse." He said, "Ok, let's hear it." "I would," I replied, "but she's still sucking my dick."
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 My son has been offered a trial at Manchester United. He's delighted. it's truly the biggest day in any young referee's career
punjabiplaya Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 My son has been offered a trial at Manchester United. He's delighted. it's truly the biggest day in any young referee's career
Utalk Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 My son has been offered a trial at Manchester United. He's delighted. it's truly the biggest day in any young referee's career I found that funny despite being a United fan.
1983-2011 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 U.S met office issues a stark warning that Hurricane Sandy has been upgraded to a British Summer
1983-2011 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 My wife said, "I think we should do something really scary for the kids this Halloween." I said, "We could take them to your mother's."
Sachin=GOD Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Reporter to Dr. Manmohan Singh - Modi has called you "Maun Mohan Singh", whats your reaction? MMS - nothing..........its left me speechless.
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 My new girlfriend said to me "But if I give you oral sex, won't you lose respect for me?" "Only if you're sh*t at it!"
punjabiplaya Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 How many black people can you fit into a room with no lights on? You'll never know :haha:
Crookbond Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 My new girlfriend said to me "But if I give you oral sex, won't you lose respect for me?" "Only if you're sh*t at it!" :hysterical:
1983-2011 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Having a mobile makes it really easy to cheat on my wife. My son stands behind her and texts me what cards she's got in her hand.
punjabiplaya Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I was in the pub last night, when this drunk fat girl came and sat down on my lap. "Alright gorgeous?" she slurred, "Fancy a shag?" "No, not right now," I said, "I've got to go to the hospital." "Oh really? What's wrong with you?" she asked. "I think you've broken my legs, you fat bit*h!" I replied. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 7, 2012 Author Posted November 7, 2012 Today, millions of Americans will wake up to make a crucial decision. Big Mac or Quarter Pounder for breakfast? :haha:
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