punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 It must be really quiet Playa for you to be posting at this time of night. was day off...dont get time at my shop...non stop :--D
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 It's predicted that by 2025 you'll be no more than six feet away from an ex-Chelsea manager
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Rafa Benitez looks set to be offered a two season deal at Chelsea. Winter and spring
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Polish Woman stows away on ship so she can start new life in America. 3 weeks later she is found & brought before the captain, he asks "what r u doing on my boat." She replies, " one of your sailors is stowing me away to America. He brings me 3 meals a day and in return I let him feck me every nite." Captain replies "Oh he's feckin you all right,This is the Woolwich ferry!"
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 Rafa Benitez has been sacked as Chelsea manager, for failing to win anything since taking over this morning.
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 I'm not saying my wife's a fat bit*h..But I've had to put an energy-saving bulb in the fridge. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 23, 2012 Author Posted November 23, 2012 As I ran out of the supermarket this morning, the fat security guard started chasing me. After running around the car park a few times, I finally came to a stop. He grabbed me by my collar and breathlessly said, "Open your jacket." So I unzipped it and said, "I've got nothing mate." "Then why the feck did you run?" he asked. "Because I thought you could do with the exercise." :haha::haha:
1983-2011 Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I went on a date with a blonde woman last night. "Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
punjabiplaya Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please." "Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?" "Feck off you wan*er," he snapped, before walking off with his food. I love working in the prison canteen. :haha::haha::haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 The wife has asked for something silk for her Xmas present.....no doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong fecking colour!!
punjabiplaya Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Thieves have stolen 20 crates of Red Bull from my local corner shop.. I don't know how these bast*rds sleep at night!
punjabiplaya Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 "Doctor, my hands won't stop shaking, can you help me?" "Do you drink a lot, sir?" "No, I spill most of it."
punjabiplaya Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 I went to hospital with a toilet brush up my ar*e. The doctor said, "How did this happen?" I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine..." He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?" I said, "No ... my wife was home".
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 An investigation has been launched after a midget was pick pocketed earlier today. Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low
Debutant Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I went to hospital with a toilet brush up my ar*e. The doctor said, "How did this happen?" I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine..." He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?" I said, "No ... my wife was home". :cantstop::cantstop:
ganeshran Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I went to hospital with a toilet brush up my ar*e. The doctor said, "How did this happen?" I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine..." He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?" I said, "No ... my wife was home". An investigation has been launched after a midget was pick pocketed earlier today. Police are wondering how someone could stoop so low :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 My neighbour just banged on my door and shouted, "Can I use your phone? There's been an accident along the road and a paki has been run down. He's bleeding to death." I asked him "What's wrong with your own phone?" He said, "Mine hasn't got a camera." :cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 My girlfriend flipped a coin to see which sex act she will be performing on me. I chose head.
punjabiplaya Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 New girlfriend: "What's your favourite position?" Lad: "68" "What is 68?" "It's when you go down on me and I owe you one..." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted December 6, 2012 Author Posted December 6, 2012 I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs." "That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?" "I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
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