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Posted

My mate said, "How's things going with your new girlfriend?" I said, "Really good, we're getting on great. Her 3 year-old son is a little monkey though." He said, "Is he mischievous?" I said, "No, black."

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Lee-roy from Jamaica is staying with us for the weekend. I just took him in his breakfast, two slices of bread and a can of export. "Ya man, watts diss ting ya give a bro sa early on sunday?" he asked, pointing at the plate, I replied, "you said you wanted a beer can sandwich".

Posted

I took a box of tissues and a pot of lube up to the checkout. The lady behind the till just smirked. "It's not what your thinking!" I protested. "Yeah, right" she laughed. "I suppose your going to tell me it's for a hobby or something". "See. I told you" I replied. "It's actually for w*nking".

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My friend said, "Who's that black woman with no arms that's wandering around your house?" I said, "She's my cleaner." He said, "Is she any good, what with having no arms?" I said, "No, she's fecking useless, but at least she doesn't steal anything!!!"

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A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, 'Please come quickly, I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel'. The manager replies 'Sir that's a personal matter'. Husband says 'Like hell it is! The window won't open so that's a maintenance matter!' :hysterical:

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When I got home my wife had 2 of her friends the, Here he is, she said. We were just talking about having a foursome, if you're up to it ! She smiled and winked. Two minutes later, I appeared naked with my dick in my hand. They all had tennis rackets in theirs... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

Posted

As my girlfriend walked out of the shower she said to me all seductively. "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means right?" I said "Yeah, it means the fecking drain is clogged again." :haha:

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I was walking down the street when a coon came towards me with a stick. Fearing for my life, I landed a gorgeous punch on his left eye. I knew I'd made the right call when it became clear that he was a nutter. I mean, who in their right mind would dress their dog in a luminous jacket?

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