punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I was on the bus when a paki came and sat right next to me. So I farted hard to neutralise the smell.
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 My biology teacher once asked me, "What makes up a cell?" "Bunk beds, a toilet and two black guys" was my reply. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I've always got on with my neighbors. That was until we had a black family move in next door. Suddenly everything changed. Doors were constantly being slammed, there was shouting and music was played at full blast into the small hours. Despite trying all that, I still couldn't get those damn nig*as to move out.
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Got called into my boss's office today... "Winston claims he's been the victim of racism at work." "Like what?" I replied. "Well, he reckons he was the only one who wasn't invited to the pub for someone's birthday last Friday." "So?" "So, it was his fecking birthday!"
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 I just put an ad in the paper for a new roommate. I wanted to be sure that blacks wouldn't respond, but I wasn't sure how to word it without sounding racist. Then it came to me. "Must have a job." :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 New research has discovered that beer contains female hormones, that explains why after six pints I can't drive or shut the feck up.... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Woman goes into Scotland Yard and reports that she was sexually abused and raped 30 years ago Can you give us a description of the abuser says the detective ? The woman says, "Well, he had really long blond hair, blue eyes, wore a gold tracksuit, had big gold chains round his neck and wrists, smoked a big cigar, said now then now then all the time, and drove a white Rolls Royce with the number plate J S 1 "Well , it doesn't give us a lot to go on"' says the detective; "But don't worry, we'll get the black bast*rd"!
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 My wife told me lastnight that she has been having an affair with my mate Abdul.. So I beat the sh*t out of her,That's the last time that bit*h will accuse me of having a mate called Abdul! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 Breaking news about Nelson Mandela... He has a new sponsorship deal from Duracell.
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 If you kill yourself it's suicide If you kill someone it's homicide If you haven't won the Premier League for 20 years it's Merseyside
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober. Fecking hell, I got married? :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Went to watch a charity football match today and the away teams physio was a paki. The game took 4 hours to complete, every time he ran on with his bag they evacuated the stadium.
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Back in Sri Lanka I used to play with some of the biggest names in world cricket. Warnakulasuriya Patebendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas. To name just one. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 "The Universe contains 500 billion habitable planets" It's a pity that the pakis chose this one. :haha::haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 Thought I'd spotted a superhero earlier, when I saw a black man running down the street wearing a cape....... turned out the fecker hadn't paid for his haircut!
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. "Wow honey, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen."She said, "I'm a nun, you fecker." :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2013 Author Posted July 8, 2013 I went to a fancy dress party as a loaf of bread... ... The birds were all over me... :winky:
Desi Cartman Posted July 9, 2013 Posted July 9, 2013 The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. "Wow honey, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen."She said, "I'm a nun, you fecker." :cantstop: Hahah
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 Odds on being next to pick up the Ashes: Alastair Cook - 2/5 Michael Clarke - 5/1 Nelson Mandela's family - Evens
punjabiplaya Posted July 9, 2013 Author Posted July 9, 2013 My son said, "Dad, when you met Mum was it love at first sight?" I said, "No, second. The first time I didn't know she'd won the lottery." :hysterical:
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