kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff? New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 A loving husband tattooed I LOVE U on his dick n showed it to his wife. She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo!
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 What is invisible sex? A male Negro ****ing a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 What do you say to a Paki that asks you out? Asif What do you call a Paki with a Ferrari? A thief What do you call a Paki prostitute? Lahore. What do you call a Paki with 1 hair? Iqbal.
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Why do Romans always build their roads straight? So Paki's can't build cornershops
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes‚ I know‚" said the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
kooljatt Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!" The Teacher fainted.
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 1 to send to the girls... 'Imagine u r in Primark, queueing in single file, the girl in front of u doesnt have her purse, to ur dismay u then realise u dont have urs. A solution is that ur friend towards the back of the queue is offering to throw her purse to u, u cant queue jump until the purse has been thrown to u, once the purse has been thrown u can quickly dodge the lass infront then confront the girl on the desk. Thats right girls, OFFSIDE RULE IN A LANGUAGE U UNDERSTAND, NOW DONT INTERRUPT ME FOR THE NEXT 4 WEEKS ASKING STUPID FECKING QUESTIONS!'
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 A wife says to her husband, ''Bulls can feck 3000 times a year, Why can't you?'' The husband replies, ''Ask the bull if he fecks the same cow every night! ''
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 What made him do it? Did he plan it? Was he a mad man? Did he plan to cause so much heartache to so many innocent familys & leave behind him 12 stiffs before taking the cowards way out? Only Rafa benitez can answer those questions.
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 15 pakis have died whilst training to be sky divers. Sources at the BNP School Of Sky Diving have said they have no idea why their flippers and snorkels did not open.
punjabiplaya Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 1976: Robert de Nero, Taxi Driver - 3 oscars, 1 tony, 2 emmys 2010: Derrick Bird, Taxi Driver - 1 oscar, 3 tonys, 2 emmys, 1 gary, 2 janes, a mark and 2 billys.
gaurav92 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian Barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for sex. Jill is traveling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that may be she should pay him more attention and may be she can then shake some more cash out of him again. So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he replies. "That's amazing..." she says, "...so am I - what Street?" "Cameo Street" he replies. "This is unbelievable..." she says, "... what number?" He says, "Number 20" and she is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 22 and my parents still live there!" "I know..." he says, "...your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you" A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says, "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are? He says, "Well, pussy and *****." She says, "Oh that's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and ***** is a female dog like our Sandy." He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning." Dad says, "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she can't handle them. What are the words?" He tells him, "Pussy and *****." Dad says, "OK," and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "Son, everything inside this circle is pussy." "OK, dad, so what's a *****?" "Son," he says, "everything outside that circle. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Kooljatt in Jokes forum :woot:
gaurav92 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Skoda recently launched a new car model LAURA. All drivers are having a tough time when theor Memsahibs say: Driver Laura Nikalo! A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it' date=' the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"[/quote'] Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!" The Teacher fainted. What do you say to a Paki that asks you out? Asif What do you call a Paki with a Ferrari? A thief What do you call a Paki prostitute? Lahore. What do you call a Paki with 1 hair? Iqbal. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 If only John Terry Had shagged Robert Greens wife.... I don't know why all these foreigners have a problem with us wearing our England shirts. It was their 5yr old kids that made them in the first place.. . . .
punjabiplaya Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 An 80 yr old finds his wife doing a handstand, naked agaìnst a wall. Shocked, he asks. 'what are you doing?' she says. ''I know you can't get it up, maybe you can drop it in''.
punjabiplaya Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, (B.O.O.M.), responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace". "Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting pension benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway". A strike may not be necessary, however, as the number of suicide bombings has been decreasing lately. This has been attributed to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.
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