punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Teacher asks Billy if there are four birds on a tree & one gets shot, how many will be left on the tree? Billy says none, because when you shoot one bird, the rest will fly away. The teacher replies, the answer is three, but I like the way you're thinking. Billy says, let me ask you a question, there are three women eating ice cream, one biting, one sucking & one licking, which woman is married? The teacher, nervously says the one sucking. Billy says, no the answer is the one with a wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking...
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 A nig*er goes for a job at sea, the captain says have you had any experience away at sea? no the coon says but i'm honest! captain takes him on and off they sail. After 3 wks at sea the spade is busy swabbing the decks, when a big wave crashes over the boughs and sweeps him overboard the 1st mate goes running to the captain, you know the nig*er we took on, the one who said he was honest? well he's just fecked off with your mop!
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't feck you if you were the last person alive."Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"Wiped the smug look off her face.
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Two cowboys discussin sex. One says"l like the rodeo position best." "Not heard of that one" says the other,"What is it?" "Well u get your girlfriend on all fours, mount her from behind then reach round & cup each breast & whisper 'These feel just like your sisters.' Then try to hold on for 10 seconds!! :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 I found my dyslexic mate covering his dick with boot polish in the early hours of Sunday morning, I said 'you idiot you were supposed to turn your clock back!' :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 I was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard her old man open the front door. She said "Quick, the back door!" Thinking back I should have really legged it, but you don't get invites like that every day!
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 phle hraya.......... goro ko...... phir hraya........ haramkhoro ko...... aaj hraya......... seeta maa k choro ko chak de INDIA
punjabiplaya Posted April 3, 2011 Author Posted April 3, 2011 On my Census form, there is the question "do you have any dependants?" Apparently putting "hundreds of feckin african, pakis, somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non British speakin people." isnt the right answer. They sent my form back!
Dark Warrior Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 An American university professor had a woman masturbate on stage with a sex toy during one of his "Human Sexuality" classes.100 students came.
punjabiplaya Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Paddy and his wife are searchin the room of there teenage daughter Kay, they find a packet of ***s and paddy cries '' oh lord our daughter is a smoker.'' A few moments later they find a bottle of vodka, paddy cries ''saints preserve us our little girl is an alcoholic!'' Next they find a packet of condoms ''GOD help us'' cried paddy. ''She's got a feckin dick !''
punjabiplaya Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I asked my wife, "Do you think your mother would prefer Riverdance or something more Fred Astaireish?" She replied, "I think she'd prefer it if you stayed off her grave all together, you sick bast*rd."
punjabiplaya Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 I shoved some grapes up my girlfriends ar*e during sex last night.She didn't say anything, just let out a little wine.
punjabiplaya Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Following the death of Eddie Stobart today a film is being made of his life. It looks good, I've seen the trailer!
punjabiplaya Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 The wife rang me screaming "You've given me crabs you bast*rd, how could you" I said "Hang on, before you blame me. Have a fecking word with your sister"
punjabiplaya Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Man Staggers into a Hospital with Concussion, Multiple Bruises, Two Black Eyes and a 5 Iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Doctor asked 'What happened to you?' Well I was playing Golf with the wife when we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours',..... ' and I dont remember much after that!'.... :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Father and son in supermarket. "Dad. what are these?" "That's a 3 pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for friday night, 1 for saturday night and 1 for sunday night" "What about the 6 pack dad?" "Those are for university lads. 2 for friday night, 2 for saturday night and 2 for sunday night." "Well dad. What about the 12 pack then?" "Married men son. . . . 1 for january, 1 for february, 1 for march . . . .
punjabiplaya Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Paddy is in the pub telling his mates about his first parachute jump with the army. Paddy says "we were about 3O,OOO Ft up when they started to jump, when it was my turn I just couldnt jump - no way! Then this huge black guy pulled out his 12 inch co*k and says "Paddy, if you dont jump I will stick this baby right up your ar*e." Paddys mates asked "well did you jump? " Paddy replies "just a bit when it first went in''
punjabiplaya Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 What have Heather Mills and Spurs have in common? The second leg is just for show
Utalk Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Paddy is in the pub telling his mates about his first parachute jump with the army. Paddy says "we were about 3O' date='OOO Ft up when they started to jump, when it was my turn I just couldnt jump - no way! Then this huge black guy pulled out his 12 inch co*k and says "Paddy, if you dont jump I will stick this baby right up your ar*e." Paddys mates asked "well did you jump? " Paddy replies "just a bit when it first went in''[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical:
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