kabira Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Paddy is in the pub telling his mates about his first parachute jump with the army. Paddy says "we were about 3O' date='OOO Ft up when they started to jump, when it was my turn I just couldnt jump - no way! Then this huge black guy pulled out his 12 inch co*k and says "Paddy, if you dont jump I will stick this baby right up your ar*e." Paddys mates asked "well did you jump? " Paddy replies "just a bit when it first went in''[/quote'] :--D:--D:--D:--D:--D:--D:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 2 married men are out drinkin 1 says "i can never sneak into my house after ive been out no matter how quiet i am my wife still wakes & nags me" his friend replies "do what i do slam the front door stamp up the stairs jump into bed slap her ar*e & say how about a blow job bet shes feckin sleepin then!
punjabiplaya Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Statistics say one in twenty of us live next to a paedophile. But not me, I live next to two stunning fourteen year olds with great tits.
Sid Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Paddy is in the pub telling his mates about his first parachute jump with the army. Paddy says "we were about 3O' date='OOO Ft up when they started to jump, when it was my turn I just couldnt jump - no way! Then this huge black guy pulled out his 12 inch co*k and says "Paddy, if you dont jump I will stick this baby right up your ar*e." Paddys mates asked "well did you jump? " Paddy replies "just a bit when it first went in''[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "what turns you on more,.......... My blue eyes....... My pouting red blow job lips..... My pretty face..... My D cup tits...... My nice tight little Pussy or my sexy firm a*se?" Hubby looks her up and down and replies: "your fecking sense of humour!"
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I went to the doctors today. I said do you treat alcoholics? He said yes of course I do. I said any chance of takin me for a pint then, I'm feckin skint!
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I was standing at the urinals next to a midget, when I noticed him winking at me. I turned my back a bit but when I looked around he was still winking at me, so I said " whats your problem, do you feckin fancy me or something?" He said, "no, you bastard, you're splashing my eyes!"
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Fairy Liquid's ads have been updated to reflect modern England.... "Mummy why are your hands so soft?" "Cos i'm only 14 init, now shut the feck up and eat your Pot Noodle before your dad gets home from school" !!
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 As a teenager reading the porno mags, my favourite shot was where she was draped seductively on the bonnet of a car. Much later, I saw it in real life. It wasn't nearly as sexy as I remembered.After the second w*nk I got bored and called an ambulance.
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 A man had a very important meeting & couldn't find parking. 'Lord, have pity on me. If you find a parking space for me, I'll go to church every sunday for the rest of my life & give up drinking.' Miraculously, a parking space appeared. Man looked up again & said, 'Never mind I found one.'
punjabiplaya Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 4 all those men who say why marry the cow wen u can get the milk 4 free? Here is an update 4 u! Nowdays 80percent of woman are against marriage,why? Because woman realize its not worth buying the entire pig jst for a little sausage!
Dark Warrior Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 When signing up to facebook, I put my nationality as 'paki' by accident. There is no 'poke' option, it says 'blow up' instead.
Dark Warrior Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in town today. I said, "Can you sign my shirt?" He said, "Have you got a pen?" I said, "****, no. Hang on". With that I threw myself on the floor, rolled over theatrically and began to cry. He said, "How's that going to get a pen?" I said, "Well that's how you ****ing do it"
punjabiplaya Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Ordered a chinese last night, the chink turned up at my door and said "£20 prease". I smiled and said "Can you tell me the name of Jordan's son?" He said "harfey price". I replied "cheers Ting Tong here's a tenner now feck off
punjabiplaya Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 How to make a woman happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. intelligent 5. a father 6. funny 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a good mother 15. creative 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic Without forgetting to: 26. give her compliments regularly 27. love shopping 28. be honest 29. be very rich 30. not stress her out 31. not look at other girls And at the same time you must: 32. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 33. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 34. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes It is very important to: 35. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Bring beer 2. Hand over the remote. !!!!!!!
punjabiplaya Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Aisi apni Wife ho 5'3" jiski height ho, Jeans jiski tight ho, Chehara jiska bright ho, Weight mein thodi light Ho, Umar me difference slight ho, Thodi see wo quiet ho, Aisi apni Wife ho.... Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho, Bhid me sab kahe "side ho, side ho".. India ki paidaish ho, Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho Aisi apni Wife ho... Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho, Dinner candle light ho, Dono me na kabhi fight ho, Milne ke baad dil delight ho, Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe "Guru, tum right ho, Aisi hi apni Wife ho..." Kaash yeh concept 0.0001 percent bhi right ho Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya haseen life ho Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho Ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho Aisi apni wife ho, aisi apni wife ho....
punjabiplaya Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?" The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband." The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."
punjabiplaya Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Five important categories of women 1. A woman should help around the house, clean up, help with the cookin. 2. A woman should be able to make you laugh. 3.its important to have a woman you can trust and doesn't lie to you. 4. A woman should be good in bed. 5. Very very importantly these four women shoud not know each other....
Sachin=GOD Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE. last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN,the only question asked was. "please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world". the survey was a massive faliure because, 1. eastern europe didnt know what "honest" meant. 2.western europe didnt know what "shortage" was. 3.africa didnt know what "food" meant 4.china didnt know what "opinion" meant. 5.the middle east didnt know what "solution" meant. 6.israel didnt know what "please" meant. 7. the USA didnt know what "the rest of the world" meant. 8.and the united kingdom hung up as soon as they heard the indian accent.
punjabiplaya Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 A new day A new beginning.... same old script!!! :D Believe it or not!!! Woman has man in it. Mrs has Mr in it. Female has Male in it. She has He in it. No wonder men always want to be inside women!! Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life & time trying 2 go back between the legs of a woman!!! WHY ? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME !!:p Ever noticed how all women's problems start with MEN? MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause. GUYnecologist . And. . . when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy!
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