punjabiplaya Posted April 22, 2011 Author Posted April 22, 2011 Food Inspector in a bakery catches Paddy using his false teeth to do the design on the edge of apple pies. She roars, "Have you not got a tool?". "Yes." replies Paddy, "But I use that for the doughnuts!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Dark Warrior Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 A Paki from Bradford who appeared in "Embarrassing Bodies" was delighted to find out that the red rash around his penis was only his sister's lipstick! :hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:
Sid Posted April 23, 2011 Posted April 23, 2011 Amir asks his wife how many men have you slept with? The wife replies proudly 'only you' the others kept me awake all night! :cantstop: :cantstop::cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 Bobby the builder walks up to a girl in a club and says to her " I've got an eight inch dick and I can shag all night" After a couple of drinks, she takes him home with her. The next morning she says to him "You told me that you had an eight inch dick and that you could shag all night. You've got a five inch dick and you lasted only 3 minutes" Barry looks up at her and says " I'm a builder love, that was just an estimate"
punjabiplaya Posted April 23, 2011 Author Posted April 23, 2011 I was feeling a bit down so I got my paki friend and dipped him in bleach. That lightened Mamood :haha::haha:
punjabiplaya Posted April 24, 2011 Author Posted April 24, 2011 Many pakis are still feeling down after the semi final defeat to world champs india! well....... If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once! You only get smashed once! It takes 4 minutes to get hard! Only 2 minutes to get soft! You share your box with 5 other guys! And after 3 minutes in the hot tub you get your head smashed in and then you get a good poking by a load of soldiers! But worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother! So cheer up, your life ain't that bad! Happy Easter.. still rather be an egg than a paki!! :hysterical:
Dark Warrior Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 My young son dropped me in it today. He said to my wife, "Mummy, I think the lady next door is robotic."She said, "What makes you think that son?"He replied, "Because I've just heard Dad say he'd like to screw the **** off her."
bihutoli Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Have a band called 1023 megabytes. Haven't got a gig yet though!
punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 I was walking past the Psych hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting '13....13....13' The fence was too high to see over, but I found a little hole in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some bast*rd poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'
punjabiplaya Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 My wife can manipulate the muscles of her fanny so it feels like you are getting a blow job, which is ironic because when she manipulates the muscles of her mouth she sounds like a cu*t.
Dark Warrior Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 My new girlfriend won't let me spank her ass cheeks during foreplay, so in revenge I glued them together.Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 BBC NEWS : PRINCE HARRY 'KEEN TO DO EVEREST Great, so we pay for all that army training and the ginger tw*t wants to fit fecking windows.
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 Dear royal family,I hope you're all excited about Kate and William's wedding on friday.I know i am. Yours sincerely, Osama Bin Laden
punjabiplaya Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 A wife asked her husband to describe her. He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'. She said, 'What does that mean?' He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'. She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?' He said I'm Just Kiddin
punjabiplaya Posted April 28, 2011 Author Posted April 28, 2011 I was putting up a Union Jack in support of the Royal Wedding, but I wasn't sure if the local pakistani community would take offence. So I wrote 'PAKIS ARE DIRTY BASTAR*DS' on it just to be sure.
Dark Warrior Posted April 28, 2011 Posted April 28, 2011 Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory."Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
punjabiplaya Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Four mates plan the perfect camping trip. Two days before they go Paddy's wife tells him he's not going. Paddy's mates are disappointed but decide to go without him anyway. Two days later the three mates arrive at the site to find Paddy sitting with a tent set up & bbq going. One says, "Paddy how did you persuade the wife to let you come?" Paddy says "Well last night I was sat in my chair & she came to me in a see through nightie, stockings and crotchless panties and led me up stairs. She handcuffed herself to the bed. Then she said, "Do whatever you want!", "So here I am!" :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Kate Middleton says to the Queen 'whats the secret of a long marriage?' Queen replies 'wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off'
punjabiplaya Posted April 29, 2011 Author Posted April 29, 2011 Watching The Royal Wedding, it struck me just how much Prince William & Prince Harry Both look like their Fathers. It was good to see Camilla helping to pull the carriage.
punjabiplaya Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Kate s wedding shoes were too tight. Once in the bedroom Wills helped them off. The family heard grunting, straining, a scream and Wills say, "That was tight." The Queen said "I told you she was a virgin." Then, they heard Wills say, "Now for the other one." There was more grunting and straining. At last Wills said, "My God. That was even tighter." The Duke said "That's my boy, once a sailor, always a sailor :cantstop:
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