00aklu Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to lick them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper & no soap in the ladies toilet."
00aklu Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Beer VESSEL A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you." "This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your pussy." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's ****ed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my ****, and drink from me!" Her boy friend stops and says "Sorry babe, I can't fight with anyone who can drink that much beer."
00aklu Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 For $20 A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said.... . . . . . . (scroll down) . . . . . . . (scroll down) . . . . . . . . . . (scroll down) . . . . . . . . "Clean my house."
00aklu Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Yo Mama So Fat Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose. Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean..... Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse. Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
00aklu Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Yo Mama So Fat - Part 10 Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean. Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway. Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it. Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?" Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
00aklu Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Yo Mama is so stupid - Part 1 Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
lonestarranger Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Why are the jokes a part of an unordered list?
gaurav92 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 ^Now that was something funny :hysterical: But the jokes are :((:((:((:((:((
Desi Cartman Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse. :hysterical:
EnterTheVoid Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon. Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean..... Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse. Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! LOL.
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