Complaint from an Englishman

[Rahul Dravid]

As an England cricket fan im extremely confused by recent events and wish to lodge my complaint. Mainly that recent events are totally out of character for English sporting teams. I have been brought up well on a diet of pessimism and gleeful 'tutting' when England fails, as such i have come to enjoy it in a slightly masochistic way. It is perhaps the main (and until now only) joy of a sports fan from these shores, that we get to build our players up to then tear them down when they fail 'gloriously'. Indeed the 2003 Rugby world cup win was such a confusing time for the nation that since then our rugby boys have tried really, really, hard to be as **** as possible, even losing to ****** Wales recently! (maybe taking it too far but points for commitment). India...who the hell do you think you are to deny me that pessimism? **** you, and your ****** batting/bowling/fielding, that's our department, don't **** on another man's doorstep you party poopers'. We let you win all these years, (maybe it was guilt over the whole colonial thing, maybe it was that we sucked, who knows). but we adapted and thrived in our position of plucky underdog. But no, apparently this was too much to ask for, you couldn't let us just have this one little thing. So you had to give us the No.1 ranking and take our loser tag from us without even a 'by your leave.' Do you know how many **** cricketers/footballers we had to 'support' to get that tag? You think you can lose one series and just take it from us!? **** you India! No way! As such i've had a word with the lads, and they all agree they've been acting a bit silly, lost sight of the main goals, got carried away ect ect. Unfortunately its too late to do anything about immediately, but they will do they're best to lose in a dignified manner/rout for the 4th test, i suggest you lot stop bullying us and do your duty. Don't make me say this again, please. P.S. It's been agreed that in light of the previous debacles, only a win by an innings and 630 runs will do, so kindly tell sachin tendulkar to stop ******* around, it's not big and it's not funny.

:omg: i thought we won fair and square.. didn't know YA'LL had LET us win... thanks for all the wins you have given us, can you please let us win the 4th Test too :)? pleaasseeee?

[luvablubba]

:omg: i thought we won fair and square.. didn't know YA'LL had LET us win... thanks for all the wins you have given us, can you please let us win the 4th Test too :)? pleaasseeee?

1) You obviously weren't paying attention then! it was clear as day we lost to satisfy our role of plucky underdog no-hoper who fails in a blaze of glory. Even while being *** raped. 2) I stand by my promise of an innings and 630 run victory for you guys. 3) You're welcome 4) Please accept by humblest apologies for the misunderstanding in the last 3 tests, everyone makes mistakes, call it a mid-life crisis. But don't worry, as i said, back to our old self asap.

[Midfielder]

It's worth remembering that, in the all-time scheme of things, GB has won the 4th most Olympic medals, behind USA, Russia and Germany (including the old GDR) :hatsoff:

How many of these involved riding horses asses and getting Jamaicans to run 100 meters for you?:winky:

[Sidhoni]

:haha:

[luvablubba]

How many of these involved riding horses asses and getting Jamaicans to run 100 meters for you?:winky:

i knew there was an excuse! thank god for that i was getting worried. people shouldn't mess with my head like that, im feeling fragile as it is. Jamaicans need to stop trying to ruin things for us...and horses, **** them and all.

[Maundy Gregory]

How many of these involved riding horses asses and getting Jamaicans to run 100 meters for you?:winky:

I'm sure there were plenty won riding horses, it is after all an Olympic event. I don't know if there has ever been a medal won by a Jamaican running the 100m for GB, I do know that the last 100m Gold medal for GB was won by Alan Wells in 1980. He's Scottish, btw and he looks like the sort of guy who would get a severe case of sunburn if he went outside for 30 mins on a winters day in Strathclyde. Interestingly, cricket has only ever feautured in the Olympics once. The Gold was won by GB.......... :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: