Hilarious Hindi Movie Dialogues

[varun]

Courtesy: http://www.bollywood2000.com/dialogues.htm Top ten dialogues in Hindi movies

• Kuttay, Kameenay mai tujhe jaan se maar doonga (Dog, Poor charactered person, I will kill you from your life)
• Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga / bhuloongi (I will never forget your favours)
• Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye? (From where did you get so much money?)
• Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi. (Without you, death shall be the only thing to come to me)
• Main tera khoon pee jaaonga! (I will drink your blood)
• Yeh anyay hai bhagwan. (This is unfair, O God)
• Bataoo, heeray kahan hai. (Tell where the diamonds are)
• Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho. (You have died for me)
• Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon! (I will be the mother of your children)

General Cliches

• Lo...muh meetha kar lo (Take, make your mouth sweet)
• Mujhe isi din ka intezar tha (I have only waited for this day)
• Aaj mein bahut khush hoon (usually to be followed by a tragic turn of events) (I am very happy today)
• Arre isse to tez bukhar hai (O, he has a fast fever)
• Iss desh ko tumpe naaz hai bete (The country has pride on you)
• Puliss ko tum jaise naujawanon par naaz hai (Will you use my bathroom)
• Driver, gaadi roko (Driver, stop car)
• Pesh hai duniya ke jaane-maane kalakaar, Miss Lily(Presenting the world famous performer, Miss Lily)
• (Hero/Heroine opening their eyes on a hospital bed / humble home of an Adivasi ) main kahan hoon? (Where am I?)
• Bhai saheb, yeh dono saath college mein pad tey hain.(Brother sir, these two studied in college together)
• Ab yeh natak band karo...(Now stop these theatrics)
• Inspector! Giraftaar karlo issey(Inspector, arrest him)
• Hummay tedi ungleei se ghee nikaalna aata hai(We know how to remove melted butter with crooked fingers)
• Tune mere peeth pe chura bhoka hai(You have stabbed me in the back)
• Bhagwan, maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahin manga, aaj pahli baar kuch maang.....(God I have never asked anything of you, today, first time I ask something)
• Maine bhi choodiyan nahin pahen rakkhi hain (I too have not worn bangles)
• Tumne jis thali me khaya, usi me ched kiya. (The plate in which you have eaten, in the same plate you have made a hole)
• Chudeil! Kide pade tere .....(Witch! Your insects fall .....)
• Mainey is zameen ko apne khoon sey seencha hai(I have cultivated this soil with my blood, in regular periods)
• Kaan khol kar sun lo .....(Open your ears and listen)
• Ek phooti kaudi nahin doonga(I will not give you one broken shell - why the @#*% would I want one broken shell anyway anus-nose?)
• Bhagwaan pe bharosa rakho. Sab thik ho jaiye ga(Have faith in God, everything will be alright)
• Yeh baraat ab wapas jayegi.(This marriage party will now go back)
• Ham barbad ho gaye(We are destroyed)
• Mera Yakeen karo, maine apni aankhon se dekha hai (Believe, I have seen with my own eyes)
• Maa ke haath ke khaaney mey jo mazaa hai wo reshtorent ke khaane mey kahaan?(The fun that exists in my mother's handmade food does not exist in the food served at restaurants)
• Tum kisiki najayaz aulad ho. (You are somebody's illegal offspring)
• Thairo! Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti ! (Wait, this marriage cannot happen)
• Bahar Nikal (Come out)
• Mr. Vijay arrested (Newspaper headline)

Hero

• Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de (Tell your men to throw guns)
• Teri yeh majaal… / Yaad kar woh din..(Such your audacity/ remember that day)
• Mai gareeb hoon na, isliye ?(Because I am poor)
• Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti.(No strength of the world can pull us apart now)
• Mujhe tumhaare is behte hue khoon ki kasam ....(I swear by this flowing blood of yours)
• Jaaneman, zara thobdey ka ghunghat to hataao (O lover, move your face cloth veil a little)
• Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta (While I am, nobody will fold your hair)
• Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai (This is my my mother's ornament)
• Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de.../ Maa, tum kitni achchi ho (seldom followed by incest) (Mother, give me blessing.../O mother, how nice you are)
• Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya (I warn that you touch him too then...)
• Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...(If you have drunk your mother's milk...)
• Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu.... (followed by the jug jug jiyo beta) (Mother I have passed first class first)
• Maa ! Sab kehte hai ke tum ek vaishya ho !(Mother ! everyone says you are a woman of low character)
• Maa, main ab dekh sakta hoon(Mother, I can now see)
• Gandi naali ke keede..../ Chunn Chunn ke maaroonga...(Dirty gutter's insect.../I will choose choose and kill)
• Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho (O you are my lost brother)
• Tumhari yeh haal kissne ki hai (Who has made this condition of you?)

The Law

• Kanoon ke haath bohot lumbay hote hain....(Law's hands are very elongated)
• Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo (Don't take the law in your own hands)
• Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai (Law does not see feeling it sees proof)
• Kanoon ko saboot chahiye (Law wants proof)
• Aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor (And this unfortunate is not-guilty. That's all your honour)
• Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai. (By the Indian penal Code section 302 the defendant is given the death sentence)
• Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai (The defendent is acquitted with all her honor)
• Yeh Sadasad na-insafi hai..(This is completely unfair)
• Lekin Milord... (reply... chupbe *****) (But Milord....reply shut up thou begotten of the anus)
• Kanoon, Kaunsa kanoon...wohi kanoon jisne mere bequsoor baap ko phasi pe chadha diya ? (Law, which law? the law that mounted my father on the hangman)
• Kanoon par se mera vishvaas uth chuka hain (My trust has mounted off the law)

Hero's father

• Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain (At home I have two nubile daughters)
• Agar toonay aisa kiya toh - mujhse burra koi nahin hogaaa / tu mere mara muh dekhegi(If you do like that - nobody will be worse than me / you will see my dead face)
• Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein (You have been locked out of this house forever)
• Hamari bitiyaa to paraya dhan hai.(My daughter is someone else's property)
• Main jald hi dahez ki sari rakam chuka doonga (I will remit the amount of the dowry)
• Mein yeh shaadi nahin hone doonga (I will not let this marriage happen)
• Aaj Pinky ka janam din hai (Today is Pinky's birthday)
• Yeh aap kya kah rahen hai, bhai sahib (What are you saying, brother sir)
• Nikal jaa mere ghar say...(Leave my residence)
• Gurkha, ise dhakke maarke bahar nikal do.(Citizen of Nepal, push this individual out)
• Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe (Preceded by delaration of pregnancy) (Now we are no longer the kind of people who can show our faces to anyone)
• Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha ? (Did I give birth to you for this day?)
• Mai kahta hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey(I say go far from my eyes)
• Toone sharab pee hain ? (You have drunken alcohol?)
• Arri Bhaagwaan… (O lucky…)

Hero's Mom/Bhabhi

• Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna (O God, protect the parting of my head)
• Jug jug jiyo beti/beta (Live for centuries son/daughter)
• Aaj Karwa choud hai(Today is bitter fourteen)
• Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...(Once refer to me as mother, son)
• Too paida hotey hi mar kyo nahin gayee (usually preceded by a declaration of loss of virginity) (Why did you not die when you were born?)
• Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..(I have raised you by raising you and raising you)
• Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya (Hit him son, he has killed your father like a God)
• Yeh din dekhney ke pehle main mar kyon nahin gaya (Why didn't I die before seeing this day)

Heroine

• Main to tumhare baarey main aisa soch bhi nahin sakti this (I could not even think such of you)
• Koi Dekh Lega / Hato naa, log kiya kahengay / Huttye jee! Aap bade woh hain....(Someone will see / Move no people say what / Move, O master, You are very that)
• Main abhi kunwari hoon(I am still a guardian of my own virtue by way of my unmarried virginity)
• Maa, isne meri izzat bachaiee hai(Mother, he has saved my honour)
• Tumhare khyal kitne neech hain (Your thoughts are so low)
• Tumhare khyal kitne oonchay hain(Your thoughts are so high)
• Maine tumhe kya samjha, Aur tum kya nikley!(What I thought you were and what you came out to be)
• Bapu! (Mahatma Gandhi)
• Mujhe kuch kuch ho raha hain (innuendo / orgasm line) (Something Something is happening to me)
• Main aapke liye baadam doodh le aati hoon (Suhaag Raat) (I have brought you almond milk - prelude to fellatio)

Hero's sister

• Khabardar jo mujhe chhua bhi, main apni jaan dey doongi (followed by exactly that) (I warn you that you touch me also, I will give my life)
• Bhaiyya, tum mere liye ek pyaari si bhabhi kab laaonge (Brother, when will you bring me a lovable sister-in-law)
• Main kissi ko muh dikhane layak nahi rahi (I am no longer able to show anyone my face)
• Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do (Leave me, leave me for God)
• Pati parmeshwar hota hai. (Husband is God)
• Bhagwaan ke liye, meri suhaag mat ujaado (Do not uproot the parting in my hair for God)
• Bhaiyya aap apni apahij bahen ki kitni khayal rakhtey ho (O brother you take so much care of me)
• Main Kahti hoon chhod do! (Immediately followed by rape/sodomy) (I say let go)

Villain

• Ab tumari maa hamare kabze main hai (Now your mother is our captivity)
• Yeh sauda thumhe bahut mehenga padega.....(You will find this deal very expensive)
• In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai (What is the need for these fair wrists to work)
• Bataao kya keemat hai tumhari ? (Tell, what is your price)
• Tumhari Seema kisi aur ke saat gulcharrey uda rahi hai. (Your Seema is flying illegal fun with someone else)
• Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega (Nobody will come here to save your honour)
• Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut (immediately followed by the death of an extra) (Treachery has only one punishment, death)
• Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan ? (He must have some weakness, some mother, some sister)
• Jashan ki tayyari karo, uski maa ko jara ghungroo pehanao (Make preparations for a gala event, make his mother wear dancing bells)
• Pehle hum tumhari purse lootengay phir tumhari izzat lootengay (First we will loot your purse, then we will loot your honour)

Villain's cronies

• Boss, Maine tumhara namak khaya hain (Boss I have eaten your salt)
• Boss, tiger hamse bacchkar nikal gaya (followed by 'boss' shooting down whoever said that) (Tiger escaped from us)
• Munni bai, Thakur saheb aaye hai.(Munni housemaid, the landowner has come)
• Boss! Maal pakda gaya. (Boss! the things have been caught.)
• OK, Bass (OK, Boss)
• Boss, woh sandas main chhupa huan hain (Boss he is hiding in the water closet)
• Tumhe Boss ne bulaya hain (Boss has called you)

Doctors

• Badhai ho, tum baap bannay waalay ho (Congratulations, you are going to become a father)
• Ab sabh kuch oopar waley ke haath mein hain (Now everything is in the upper one's hand)
• Ab main kuch bhi nahin kar sakta.(Now I cannot do anything)
• Operation karna hoga, dus hazaar rupaiye lagenge(An operation will have to be done, it will cost Rs. 10,000.)
• Bacche ko to hum ney bacha liya par maa... (We have saved the child, but the mother...)
• Waise to aap ki patni ne bohot hi first class beta paida kiya tha, par paida hotey hi dono mar gaye (Your wife gave birth to a first class son, but both died upon childbirth)
• Yahaan ki nurse to bilkul maal hain (The nurse here is a complete product)

Actors' special

• I am berry eppy tudday (I am very happy today, Dharmendra special)
• Chaccha, bees saal sey jo aag mere dil be bhadak rahi hai, who aaj iska khoon peekar bujhegi (Uncle, the fire that has been crackling within my heart for twenty years will be extinguished today after I drink his blood, Dharmendra)
• Aur teesray badshah hum hain (After the hero draws two kings in a game of three card flash) (And the third king is us, Shatrughan Sinha special)
• Maa (Mother, Rajendra Kumar special)
• Hum duniya se nahin hai, duniya humse hain (I am not from the world, the world is from me, Raaj Kumar special)

[The Outsider]

I think the best of ICF comes out in tense match threads when we try to hide our nerves by putting up truly funny and apt Hindi film dialogues.:D

[yoda]

OMFG. That seems to be all the dialogue I have ever heard. :giggle:

[feverpitch]

Who did the english translations?

[sandtest]

Mast collection hai yaar, ekdum Jhakkas. Boley toh English mein woh mazaa nahin.

[Holysmoke]

yeh baburao ka style hai :D

[Aditi]

"Aaj Karwa choud hai(Today is bitter fourteen)" :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha: ekdum mast translation hai re!!

[THX_1138]

Courtesy: http://www.bollywood2000.com/dialogues.htm The Law

• Kanoon ke haath bohot lumbay hote hain....(Law's hands are very elongated)
• Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo (Don't take the law in your own hands)
• Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai (Law does not see feeling it sees proof)
• Kanoon ko saboot chahiye (Law wants proof)
• Aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor (And this unfortunate is not-guilty. That's all your honour)
• Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai. (By the Indian penal Code section 302 the defendant is given the death sentence)
• Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai (The defendent is acquitted with all her honor)
• Yeh Sadasad na-insafi hai..(This is completely unfair)
• Lekin Milord... (reply... chupbe *****) (But Milord....reply shut up thou begotten of the anus)
• Kanoon, Kaunsa kanoon...wohi kanoon jisne mere bequsoor baap ko phasi pe chadha diya ? (Law, which law? the law that mounted my father on the hangman)
• Kanoon par se mera vishvaas uth chuka hain (My trust has mounted off the law)

ah precious!!! another: woh kanoon kaha tha jaab meri bahan ki izat looti gai? woh kanoon kaha tha jaab mera sindoor mit gaya ... or woh kanoon kaha tha jaab is maasum ki zindagi barbad ho gain???