Practice less than perfect for shaky England

[King]

If they really want people to believe that the outfield is dangerous, then the cricketers should be ordered not to irritate the crowd by running around practising, writes Martin Johnson. More... Practice less than perfect for shaky England By Martin Johnson Last Updated: 1:33am BST 28/07/2007 The combination of school holidays and a delayed start gave all those fathers in the crowd plenty of time to explain the nuances and intricacies of Test cricket to their inquisitive offspring. "Dad, why are they not playing when the sun's shining?" "Dangerous outfield, lad." "Well, if it's that dangerous, why are all those cricketers running around practising?" "Tradition, son. When there's no chance of play before three o'clock because it's not safe, all the players come out at least three hours before that to demonstrate that while it is perfectly safe to practise, it's too risky to play." "Well, if they know there's no chance of play before three o'clock, why don't they make sure everyone knows about it so they can set off later?" "If they did that, lad, there'd be no one here to make lots of money out of selling expensive beer and hot dogs. Now get on with your Harry Potter and leave me in peace to watch the motor mop going round." Ah well, t'was ever thus in Test cricket. If they really want people to believe that the outfield (or at least the part of it in front of the Larwood and Voce Stand) is a more suitable habitat for anacondas and crocodiles than a bloke fielding at third man, then the cricketers should be ordered not to irritate the crowd by running around practising, and not even to venture outside the pavilion. Not without snorkel and flippers at any rate. Trent Bridge has been extensively re-developed down the years, and they're about to spend another £8 million on increasing the capacity. Not much point in that if there's nothing to watch. Why not, as they've done at Lord's and at Old Trafford, spend it on drainage instead? There is another tradition in Test cricket (in fact, it may even be enshrined in the laws of the game) which says that in the event of a lengthy delay to play, the cricket shall proceed for less than an hour before the players are deemed to be so thirsty that drinks will be served. One person badly in need of refreshment was Kevin Pietersen, who had been out there all of 13 dehydrating minutes when the Gatorade, or whatever nutrient replenishing liquid professional athletes are ordered to glug nowadays, was waved on to the field. Pietersen recently complained of being badly overworked, which presumably led to an avalanche of sympathy, particularly from nurses, lorry drivers, firemen and Chinese laundry workers. However, as he was out after less than half an hour yesterday, he must be reasonably hopeful of being fit to bat again in the second innings. At least the long delay meant that the spectators were able to spend more time perusing their match programmes, and take in the information that if they switched to the sponsors' electricity supply, they'd qualify for a copy of Pietersen's autobiography. It's so tempting the nPower switchboard may go into meltdown, although the timing looks a bit odd when it co-incides with the player himself complaining of a shortage of energy. India did what England intended to do, in bowling first, and while there was a time when you could boil a kettle with an Indian spinning finger, these days their attack - full of swingers and seamers - is well suited to English conditions. They don't travel well, but if gets a bit warmer, it will feel just like Bombay in the monsoon season. All the England batsmen struggled, although you could argue that Andrew Strauss wasn't there long enough to look out of form. He left looking as though he wanted the ground to swallow him up, which, had his route to the pavilion involved the boiling quicksand down at third man, it might well have done.

[King]

Good point, when it's not safe why do the players practice anyways?