The Outsider Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I see how your point holds true in the context of the topic-at-hand. But, I feel that socializing outside of work is overrated and unnecessary. An example is my post-doc adviser and my role model. Friendly, pleasant, polite, articulate - a perfect gentleman, and a borderline genius to boot. He comes in at 9 am. He leaves at 5 pm. He works his tail off during that time. The rest was family-time. When I worked for him - all meetings to discuss strategy, collaborations, grant-writing etc. were formal - in the lab or in his office. Not over lunch, not over drinks, not over golf. When invited to seminars, he gives a brilliant talk and then does the bare minimum socially. It is not that he is shy or lacks conversational skills - he just doesn't go out of his way to mingle. And he is highly successful. It is all about being business-like, but nice at the same time. My posts were guilty of a lot of generalization, but we were discussing a generalized topic to begin with so I chipped in with a few of mine. I also know people like your adviser and some of them very successful. In fact everyone is weird in some way or the other. There is nothing wrong in being "business like" as you've described above, we were talking about a generalized Indian attitude and the inability to fit into the local culture. Not only America, as Domaink said the problem exists even within India and I've noticed it as well. There are people who "need" Roti with their meal - Rice alone will never satisfy them. Just be a bit more adaptive and there are a lot of things to be liked in the world, I tell them. I just don't get the "let's talk about this over lunch/drinks" culture. Dadgummit, let's talk about it now - in my office or yours. Just get the job done. It's about meeting and familiarizing yourself with people you work with in a more informal setting. I don't see anything wrong in it - it's not a requirement but if a certain familiarity can lead to a more relaxed and productive work environment, what's wrong with it? In the context of this thread - I have seen Indian people here in academia and elsewhere - who go out of their way to mingle in social settings to the point that it is a joke. They suck up, try to curry (pardon the pun) favors, and generally make fools of themselves. They are not the only ones who do it (Americans, Chinese - they all do it), but I tend to notice it among the Indians. And it can be annoying. Like someone said in this thread - let your bat do the talking. Agree with the above - my posts are not in the context of sucking up, making yourself stick like a sore thumb and appear like a fool.
The Outsider Posted June 3, 2009 Posted June 3, 2009 I think the Indians who spend some time in US universities' date=' where there are far more avenues to interact/mingle with Americans and other internationals in a more informal setting (university football/basketball games, various intra-murals, even departmental social events to name a few..) tend to become more well settled/open professionals when they finally go into the workforce. People who come directly from India and start working in US (arguably, most of the IT sector), don't have that advantage, and hence are less likely to mingle.[/quote'] Yeah, I've experienced the same and my hypothesis of the reasons behind is that the initial reason for a lot of graduate students to come here is to study something they like and they are younger and more willing to take in and become a part of the new culture they are in. On the other hand, Indians who come here in their late 20s early 30s have the theme of earning some money, buying a home in India and moving back - that they do or do not is a separate discussion. But because of the late age they come here, their minimal interaction with Americans(most work in desi companies with mainly desi co workers), and their aim to save every penny they can for their house in India(which they purchase within a year) do not assimilate well with the society.
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