Temujin Khaghan Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 non adult... :smiley: An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..." _________________________________________________________________ One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. In the meantime, everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was ready for him, and quickly pulled him over. After stopping the driver, the officer read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0%. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy." __________________________________________________________________________ When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual talk between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter popped the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" ________________________________________________________________________ Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered". The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded". The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable". ____________________________________________________________________ An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with 19 Dollars. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and but was handed only 18 Dollars. He asked the teller why he got less money than he got last week. The teller said, "Fluctuations." The Asian man stormed out, but just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, "Fluc you Amelicans too!" :finger: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable". :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 lol @ the designated decoy one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kabira Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 that Gorsky one is awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riley's Girl Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 :hysterical: The Indian hell closely resembles the South African hell. Love the Gorsky one & the fluctuations one is damn funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts