Dark Warrior Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 :WTF: Stop derailing jokes thread atleast. :facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachin=GOD Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 :WTF: Stop derailing jokes thread atleast. :facepalm: +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jadoo Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Paddy is painting the lounge when his wife walks in and can't believe how well he's doing' date=' but the sweat is dripping off him. She asks "Why are you wearing a leather jacket and a parka?" Paddy says "Helllooo, read the fecking tin. It says for 'best results put on two coats!'[/quote'] :cantstop::cantstop::cantstop::cantstop: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 dropped a bag of maltesars in a weightwatchers meeting yesterday.Best game of Hungry Hippos I've seen in a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 I asked my mate,when is it ok to have sex with girls?. He said it's legal once they leave school....apparently 3.30 isn't what he meant...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Prostitute, new to the game was told by her pimp "No sex for the 1st 7days, just wanks" she asks "Why?" Pimp says "Coz u gotta do a week in hand!" :giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 A female friend of mine did the "Race for Life" yesterday. She had an iPhone & a purse......He had a knife & an Afro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Ryan Giggs wife Stacey Cooke has walked out on him, she has been given half of everything! She now has 6 more premier league medals than Steve Gerrard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Singh kills a deer & cooks it & doesnt tell the kids what it is. He gives them a clue "It's something your Mom calls me" Son screams "Don't eat it... It's a KUTTA!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Humpty dumpty fecked a fat who*e, humpty dumpty fecked her some more, all the kings horses & all the kings men, bent the bit*h over & fecked her again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Jack and Jill went up the hill, so jack could lick her fanny, jack got a shock & a mouthful of co*k cos jills a fecking tranny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 Humpty dumpty sat on a bed, little bo peep was giving him head, As he came she started to weep, She could tell by the taste he'd been shag*ing her sheep! :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karan114 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Jack and Jill went up the hill' date=' so jack could lick her fanny, jack got a shock & a mouthful of co*k cos jills a fecking tranny![/quote'] :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 this is true.. bit long but pls read lol :hysterical: One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. > > > >Anyway, here's how it all went down: > > > >DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?' > > > >Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.' > > > >DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.' > > > >Contestant: 'Brian.' > > > >DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?' > > > >Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.' > > > >DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.' > > > >Brian: 'Sara.' > > > >DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?' > > > >Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.' > > > >DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?' > > > >Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.' > > > >DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?' > > > >Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.' > > > >DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.' > > > >Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...' > > > >DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?' > > > >Brian: 'About 10 minutes.' > > > >DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.' > > > >Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.' > > > >DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning? > > > >Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...' > > > >DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?' > > > >Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...' > > > >DJ: 'Uh huh...' > > > >Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.' > > > >DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.' > > > >Brian: 'On the kitchen table.' > > > >DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. > > > >[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ] > > > >DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?' > >(Touch tones.....ringing....) > > > >Clerk: 'Kinkos.' > > > >DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?' > > > >Clerk: 'This is she.' > > > >DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.' > > > >Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?' > > > >DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?' > > > >Sarah: 'No.' > > > >DJ: 'Good!' > > > >Brian: (laughing) > > > >Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?' > > > >Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.' > > > >DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us. > > > >Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.' > > > >DJ: 'All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?' > > > >Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.' > > > >DJ: 'What time?' > > > >Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.' > > > >DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?' > > > >Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.' > > > >DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?' > > > >Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.' > > > >DJ: 'Where did you have it?' > > > >Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?' > > > >Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.' > > > >DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?' > > > >Sarah: 'Well...' > > > >DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it? > > > >Sarah: 'Up the ar*e.....' > > > >They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing. > > > >Apparently there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Singh kills a deer & cooks it & doesnt tell the kids what it is. He gives them a clue "It's something your Mom calls me" Son screams "Don't eat it... It's a KUTTA!" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 To satisfy a woman: Praise her! Pamper her! Humour her! Cuddle her! Hold her tight! Kiss her! Phone her! Charm her! Romance her! Talk to her! Listen to her! Respect her! LOVE her! To satisfy a man: SUCK HIS KNOB!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Sardar Was Asked To Explain In English ? "Dukh Hamesha sath Rehta Hai Magr Khushi Aati Jati Rehti Hai" Sardar: My Wife Is With Me but Her sister Comes & Goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 tried to text my girlfriend last night to say 'sorry babe. I can't come over tonight. I have to work. I'll see you next week'After I sent it I read it back and it said 'Susan, I don't see this relationship working. I am going to dump you in a public place next week. We won't see each other until a night out in three months when we will have some drunken sex and both feel horrible the morning after.'I had fecking predictive text on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gunner Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sardar Was Asked To Explain In English ? "Dukh Hamesha sath Rehta Hai Magr Khushi Aati Jati Rehti Hai" Sardar: My Wife Is With Me but Her sister Comes & Goes! tried to text my girlfriend last night to say 'sorry babe. I can't come over tonight. I have to work. I'll see you next week'After I sent it I read it back and it said 'Susan' date=' I don't see this relationship working. I am going to dump you in a public place next week. We won't see each other until a night out in three months when we will have some drunken sex and both feel horrible the morning after.'I had fecking predictive text on.[/quote'] :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Warrior Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sardar Was Asked To Explain In English ? "Dukh Hamesha sath Rehta Hai Magr Khushi Aati Jati Rehti Hai" Sardar: My Wife Is With Me but Her sister Comes & Goes! :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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