bihutoli Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed' date=' At first I was Afraid I was petrified.[/quote'] :(( I will survive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 At first when my wife left I was upset and lonely, but since then I've bought a dog, had two different women and blew a grand on drink and coke...she will go feckin mental when she gets home from work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 I couldn't find the fecking thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 A Pakistani chappie is in an old peoples home and his relatives visit to make sure he's ok. 'Oh I'm fine', he says, 'They treat us all with kindness & respect. Old Tom over there used to be a doctor and they still call him Dr Tom. Bill was a pilot and they still call him Captain Bill and even though I haven't had sex for 20 years they still call me "The Fecking Paki :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 My Girlfriend came home from work and found me crouched down in the wardrobe. "What the feck are you doing in there?" she asked. "Narnia business" I replied! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laaloo Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Dentist to Manmohan singh during his annual check up: Mr PM, atleast in my clinic open ur mouth..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 1, 2011 Author Share Posted July 1, 2011 a man texts his wife from the pub, i'm having my last pint, if i'm not home in 20 minutes, re-read this text Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Axe-cellent jokes punjabiplaya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Warrior Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I was losing badly on Football Manager so I decided to change my players' mentality to 'Very Offensive'. They still played crap but their racist remarks cheered me up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 The company that is making the joint collaboration aftershave for David Haye and Andy Murray, have asked the pair to come in and help out over the summer, as they are a little short staffed. At Least they'll have no problems bottling it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 What's the difference between David Haye and my wife? When my wife trash talks, she gets a belt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaiwala Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 What did one milk say to the other milk? What's up doodh? :--D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 ^:(( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "Phuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaiwala Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 What did Peter's wife say to him after he hurt his back again? "Oh peet, you hurt it again? " :--D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 OH My God, Chaiwaale Bhaiya aap kripya Jokes na sunaae, worst than Dominik's PJs :(( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 What's the difference between David Haye and my wife? When my wife trash talks, she gets a belt What did one milk say to the other milk? What's up doodh? :--D What did Peter's wife say to him after he hurt his back again? "Oh peet, you hurt it again? " :--D I am proud of your PJs. :nice: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 George Foreman made $150m promoting The 'George Foreman Grill'. Keep your eye out for the new 'David Haye Toe-ster'. ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Spent an hour at the wife's grave this morning...! Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond...!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 A man asks a waiter to take a bottle of wine over to an attractive woman dining alone. She sends a note back to him which reads, "For me to accept this wine you must have a Mercedes, £1m in the bank and 7 inches in your pants." The man sends a note back which reads, "Actually i have a Ferrari, a BMW, a Porsche and £20m in the bank but not even for a beauty such as you would i consider cutting 3 inches off my c*ck! Please return the wine."! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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