punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 3 ladies sat in a cafe. 1st says, I'm having a boob job. 2nd says, I'm having my ars*hole bleached. The 3rd lady says, I cant imagine your husband blonde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I was down at the gym today when i noticed a hole in my trainer, just big enough to put my finger in, so I did ...she made a formal complaint and now I'm barred for life ! :winky: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Hi. I'm unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 For all those confused females out there, it's simple. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a fecking sandwich!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Murphy walks into a chemist and says "i have 3 girls coming over tonight, i need something to keep me horny and potent" The pharmacist gives him a small box marked 'viagra, extra strength'.... Next day, murphy limps back. His manhood is black and blue, skin hanging off. "give me some deep heat" he moans. Pharmacist says, "jesus murphy, you can't put deep heat on that".... "no" replies murphy, "it's for my arm, the girls never showed up" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you now....Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful; Intelligent; Ecologist"The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know.... Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know.... Rich, Urban, Biker."They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know....Wash, Iron, Feck, Etc." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Murphy walks into a chemist and says "i have 3 girls coming over tonight, i need something to keep me horny and potent" The pharmacist gives him a small box marked 'viagra, extra strength'.... Next day, murphy limps back. His manhood is black and blue, skin hanging off. "give me some deep heat" he moans. Pharmacist says, "jesus murphy, you can't put deep heat on that".... "no" replies murphy, "it's for my arm, the girls never showed up" :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Phone rings . Sania mirza answers to hear pervert breathing heavily . Pervert whispers hoarsely , " Do you have a tight , unshaved c**t ? " wife replies, "Yes, he's watching tv, who shall I say is calling?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Now the News of the World is going out of print I was starting to wonder how I would get my weekly supply of whining, complaining, gossip, general outrage and complete bulls*it.Then I remembered I had a wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Bulldog walks into the butchers and hands the butcher a note asking for a pound of sausages.butcher thinks it's only a stupid mut so he grabs some stinking sausages that have been in the window all day.The dog spots him and starts growling.Butcher thinks sh*t clever dog and gets him some quality sausages.Next on the list is a pound of steak.So the butcher tries again by getting some minging meat and again the dog spots him and starts growling this time baring his huge teeth.So the butcher gives him some of his finest fillet steak.The dog hands over twenty quid so the butcher tries to short change him.The dog is obviously pissed off now and starts barking and snarling so the butcher gives him the correct change.The butcher is really pissed at being shown up by a dog so he follows it home.The dog arrives at the house opens the gate walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.A woman comes out and proceeds to kick ten bells of sh*t out of the dog.The butcher shouts to her what the feck are you doing that's the cleverest dog I have ever seen.She replys I don't care it's the second time this week he has forgotten his fecking key. :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaiwala Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Phone rings . Sania mirza answers to hear pervert breathing heavily . Pervert whispers hoarsely , " Do you have a tight , unshaved c**t ? " wife replies, "Yes, he's watching tv, who shall I say is calling?" lolllll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laaloo Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Bulldog walks into the butchers and hands the butcher a note asking for a pound of sausages.butcher thinks it's only a stupid mut so he grabs some stinking sausages that have been in the window all day.The dog spots him and starts growling.Butcher thinks sh*t clever dog and gets him some quality sausages.Next on the list is a pound of steak.So the butcher tries again by getting some minging meat and again the dog spots him and starts growling this time baring his huge teeth.So the butcher gives him some of his finest fillet steak.The dog hands over twenty quid so the butcher tries to short change him.The dog is obviously pissed off now and starts barking and snarling so the butcher gives him the correct change.The butcher is really pissed at being shown up by a dog so he follows it home.The dog arrives at the house opens the gate walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.A woman comes out and proceeds to kick ten bells of sh*t out of the dog.The butcher shouts to her what the feck are you doing that's the cleverest dog I have ever seen.She replys I don't care it's the second time this week he has forgotten his fecking key. :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: :cantstop: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Phone rings . Sania mirza answers to hear pervert breathing heavily . Pervert whispers hoarsely , " Do you have a tight , unshaved c**t ? " wife replies, "Yes, he's watching tv, who shall I say is calling?" Bulldog walks into the butchers and hands the butcher a note asking for a pound of sausages.butcher thinks it's only a stupid mut so he grabs some stinking sausages that have been in the window all day.The dog spots him and starts growling.Butcher thinks sh*t clever dog and gets him some quality sausages.Next on the list is a pound of steak.So the butcher tries again by getting some minging meat and again the dog spots him and starts growling this time baring his huge teeth.So the butcher gives him some of his finest fillet steak.The dog hands over twenty quid so the butcher tries to short change him.The dog is obviously pissed off now and starts barking and snarling so the butcher gives him the correct change.The butcher is really pissed at being shown up by a dog so he follows it home.The dog arrives at the house opens the gate walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.A woman comes out and proceeds to kick ten bells of sh*t out of the dog.The butcher shouts to her what the feck are you doing that's the cleverest dog I have ever seen.She replys I don't care it's the second time this week he has forgotten his fecking key. :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 "Dad, how do you feel about abortions?" "Well, why don't you ask your sister?" "But I don't have a..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Happy Independence day America! Or, as it is known in Britain: "The day we decided that we'd rather keep India..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 My wife was lay on the bed, naked, with her legs open. I started stripping off. "You're getting it!" I said."Hold your horses, Sunshine," she said, nodding at a pile of clothes on the floor. "Put the washing in, and I'll think about it." I threw them in straight away.There was hardly any room for my co*k after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 Whats Harry Potters favourite sex position?Dobby Style!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 Local police hunting the "Knitting-Needle Nutter" who has stabbed six people in the **** in the last 48 hours believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 Policeman: "And just where, sir, are you going at 3 AM in the morning?"Motorist: "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and its effects on the human body."Policeman: "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"Motorist: "That would be my wife." :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 Husband Throwing Knives On Wife's Pic. All Were Missing The Target! Suddenly He Received Call From Her: Hi,What R U Doing.? He Honestly Replied: Missing u. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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