punjabiplaya Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 Started my new job in a record shop in Liverpool yesterday.A young local lad came in and asked me''do you have anything by The Doors?''i replied''yes two security guards so dont even think about it you thieving scouse basta*d!'' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 21, 2010 Author Share Posted March 21, 2010 Old couple sat in church. During service wife whispers, ''I just done a silent fart, what should l do?'' Hubby says ''Put a feckin battery in your hearing aid!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 Mrs Saeed is distraught over the kidnapping of her 5 year old son. "The big question I have for this government", she said, '"is whether I can continue to claim child benefit or not?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zubinpepsi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussion about who's the hardest mouse.1st mouse says he is' date=' "i go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room!" 2nd mouse says: "you poof! I get rat poison, crush it into powder & snort it." 3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2. "Home, to feck the Cat"[/quote'] man this cracked me up.. too funny.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhr123 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 3 mice in a pub having a heavy discussion about who's the hardest mouse.1st mouse says he is, "i go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i benchpress it 30 times and throw it across the room!" 2nd mouse says: "you poof! I get rat poison, crush it into powder & snort it." 3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2. "Home, to feck the Cat" :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Tiger Woods Ashley Cole John Terry Vernon Kay Mark Owen What have they all got in common? Stupid Wives who just aren't trying hard enough ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Polish immigrant goes 2 Specsavers. Optician shows him a card with C Z W J X N Y S T A C Z and asks 'Can u read that?' The pole says, 'Read it? I fecking know the c**t ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Yesterday there was a look-a-like competition in China... ... Everybody won Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 23, 2010 Author Share Posted March 23, 2010 Son asks dad, 'What is Politics?' Dad replied, 'I run this house, so I am Government, your mom always opposes me, so she is Opposition, the maid works in this house for low wage, so she is Working Class, you dont do anything and watch us fight, so you are General Public, and we depend on your younger brother, so he is Future.' At night the son heard younger brother crying, he wet his nappy. So he went to call his mum who is fast asleep, he thn went to his dad who is sh*gging the maid, so he had to clean his brother. In the morning, he told his dad, 'Now I know what Politics is, Opposition is sleeping, Government is fecking the Working Class, no one listens to General Public and Future is in great sh*t.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DomainK Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Yesterday there was a look-a-like competition in China... ... Everybody won :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desi Cartman Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Yesterday there was a look-a-like competition in China... ... Everybody won :giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 Bloke changing his tyre, his mate pulls up & asks "wot happened" "ran over a bottle" "did you not see it" "na, feckin' paki had it hidden in his pocket :hysterical: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaurav92 Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Yesterday there was a look-a-like competition in China... ... Everybody won :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Bloke changing his tyre, his mate pulls up & asks "wot happened" "ran over a bottle" "did you not see it" "na, feckin' paki had it hidden in his pocket :hysterical: :giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Paddy sitting at home looking at his marriage certificate? Wife asks : "Wot r u looking 4?" Paddy replies : "The feckin expiry date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 25, 2010 Author Share Posted March 25, 2010 Sex is like eating KFC, once ur done nibbling on the breast and thighs, u have a nice greasy box to put ur bone in!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sachinism Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 My wife is a right darling. She's got big **** off eyebrows and always takes my beer and cigarette money off me. (budget related) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 thats what jokes are about gaurav..being able to laugh at each other thers no malice involved except where pakis are concerned....:giggle: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
punjabiplaya Posted March 26, 2010 Author Share Posted March 26, 2010 One day little Johnny hears a noise and peeks into his parents room to check it out. He finds his mum bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her, his dad sees Johnny and winks. Afterwards Dad goes to check on Johnny. He finds grandma bent over the dresser and Johnny going at it from behind her. Dad yells, "What are you doing???" to which Johnny winks and replies, "Not so fecking funny when it's your mum is it?" this ones for gaurav!! :haha: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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