Dark Warrior Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Meant to type "I reign as CEO of Apple". Damn you, autocorrect!
Kohum Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Meant to type "I reign as CEO of Apple". Damn you, autocorrect! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
kooljatt Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?" The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" So the woman asked, "Is this a record?" To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
Sachinism Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 Bloke in a night club sees a big fat paki girl at the bar, he walks up 2 her and asks "have you got a pen" She looks up and smiles and says yes! Well he says you better feck off back to it then before the farmer notices your missing! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: :haha:
kooljatt Posted August 25, 2011 Posted August 25, 2011 A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?" "I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Upon receiving my new Thai Bride, I was appalled by the warning that came with the instructions: -"This product may contain nuts"
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Jews, Christians and Muslims have been fighting one another for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, have no beef with anyone. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 So the Big Brother house has Jedward and a swimming pool! Where the feck is Barrymore when you need him!
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 Man stopped by cops on M6 after being clocked at 120 mph. Cop says, "Give me one good reason for that speed." Man says"2 months ago, my wife ran off with a traffic cop. When i saw you behind me, i thought you were bringing the bit*ch back."
punjabiplaya Posted August 26, 2011 Author Posted August 26, 2011 A hot girl came up to amir in the club and said, "I haven't had a co*k for nearly two months now." amir all excited asked her back to his place and really started fooling around. both got undressed, and that was when amir noticed that she still had the scars from the operation. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Guest Gunner Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Upon receiving my new Thai Bride' date=' I was appalled by the warning that came with the instructions: -"This product may contain nuts"[/quote']
Dark Warrior Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Honestly people these days are so rude. I got so much abuse the other day for not giving up my seat on the bus for a heavily pregnant woman. I argued my case but it only seemed to make it worse when i explained how much more difficult it was to use my iPad standing up.
Sachin=GOD Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 A notice board in a conference hall : "Please keep your mobiles on Manmohan Singh mode"
punjabiplaya Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 Guy walks into a phone shop in Tottenham. "I'd like to buy a nig*er please" "Sorry sir, there must be some mistake, we dont sell those here" "Well, you had hundreds in the window last week"
punjabiplaya Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 So, I see they have a pikey in the new big brother house. Good luck trying to evict that fecker!
punjabiplaya Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 Woman in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches. Judge asks "how many peaches were in the tin?" to which she replies "there were 4." He tells her that she will serve 1 month for each peach. As she is being lead away her husband shouts from the public gallery . . "AND SHE STOLE A TIN OF PEAS!..... :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 A married friend sent this Wedding INVESTMENT: [Average 30 yrs] Rs.20,00,000 Marriage expenses Rs.30,000 Monthly expenditure Rs.3,000 Wife's monthly maintainence RETURNS:[sEX] First 5 yrs Weekly 3 Times. Next 5 yrs Weekly 1 Time. Next 10 yrs Once in 15 days. Next 10 yrs Once in a month. Meaning- 1400 times sex in 40 years for an estimated expenditure of a whooping 1,78,40,000. + Opportunity cost on 20,00,000 spent on wedding at 7% for 40 years as per current Post-tax FIxed Deposit Interest rate 2,98,48,915.68 = 4,77,88,915.68 COST: A Man spends Rs.34,135 for each time he has Sex with his Wife!!!!! Outsourcing is cheaper..
punjabiplaya Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Laying in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery." "Because I'm worth millions to you?" she said. "No" I said "I wish you'd fecking roll over." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Rihanna says chains and whips excite her. . I doubt her ancestors felt the same way. . :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 My wife stood looking out of our living room window this evening. She said, "Miserable isn't it?" I said, "Yeah it's fecking awful, I presume you're talking about the reflection?"
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