punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly." :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Whats the difference between john terry and anton ferdinand? John terry cant peel a banana with his feet
punjabiplaya Posted November 11, 2011 Author Posted November 11, 2011 Hope you liked the jokes sorry been bit busy with the new baby...hope you enjoyed these :winky:
gaurav92 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly." :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
asterix Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly." :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
asterix Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 A doctor had his students in an anatomy class where they were dissecting a body. The doctor said "rule 1; don't be repulsed by anything in the human body." So he stuck his finger up the corpse's ar*e' date=' pulled it out and sucked it! He told the students to do the same. After hesitating, they stuck their finger up and sucked it! The doctor then said "I used my middle finger and sucked my thumb. rule 2 fecking pay attention!"[/quote'] :hysterical:
gaurav92 Posted November 11, 2011 Posted November 11, 2011 A doctor had his students in an anatomy class where they were dissecting a body. The doctor said "rule 1; don't be repulsed by anything in the human body." So he stuck his finger up the corpse's ar*e' date=' pulled it out and sucked it! He told the students to do the same. After hesitating, they stuck their finger up and sucked it! The doctor then said "I used my middle finger and sucked my thumb. rule 2 fecking pay attention!"[/quote'] :haha:
Sid Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly." :hysterical::hysterical: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: Hope you liked the jokes sorry been bit busy with the new baby...hope you enjoyed these :winky: Keep em coming,I mean the jokes :P
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 good jokes playa but u need to cut down on racist jokes
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank." Little Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning."
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments. He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be". The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Two thieves break into a bank in the middle of the night and open a safe. There is only some yogurt, but no money. They taste the yogurt. It's tainted. The men open the next safe. There is some yogurt too, it tastes much better but again - no money. The thieves take on another safe. And there's yogurt again. "John, why don't you go outside and look if it is indeed a bank!" says one to the other, and sits down to eat the yogurt which tastes really fresh and nutritious this time. A couple of minutes late there comes John. "It is definitely a bank!" "What exactly did the sign say?" "The Sperm Bank of Ohio!"
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 So a lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart. The doctor is shocked to see this so he says: "Excuse me, miss, you must have the wrong place, this is a dentist's office." The lady answers back: "Well, didn't you put my husband's dentures in last week?" the lady says. The doctor nodded. "Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat. His friend asks him "What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?" Sardarji replies "I am an intelligent man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?"
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 A Sardar was cutting side of capsule before taking it. His Friend asked him why are you doing so ? He replied :-"TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS"....!!
1983-2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 A Sardar received an invitation, to a party which said “Black Tie Only”!! When he went to the party he was surprised to find the other invitees wearing trousers and shirts as well !!!!
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Injury and accident insurance claim adverts are boll*cks. When next doors daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash, and now I'm the one who ends up in fecking court!
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Bloke drinks a quadruple whisky in 1. Barman says "What's up mate?" Bloke says "I came home early & caught my wife shag*ing my best friend" "What did you do?" Bloke says "I told her to pack her things & feck off" "What about your best friend?" "I looked him straight in the eye & said... BAD DOG - no biscuits!
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I spotted a fat paki chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over. "Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked. "Oh yes, definitely," she giggled. "Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Order now for Christmas... The new Radio 1 Xmas CD, with the cover versions you thought you'd never hear: Susan Boyle - Dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me; Stevie Wonder - I can see clearly now; John Terry - Ebony & Ivory Katie Price - like a Virgin; Rihanna - hit me baby one more time; Michael Jackson - the drugs don't work; Joseph Fritzl - love shack; And saving the best for last, Stephen Hawking - Im still standing!l
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