punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 How do Pinocchio and his girlfriend make love? She sits on his face and he tells lies :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 "My mum and dad's cat had 12 kittens today and they can't cope." my wife said. "Will you go round, put them in a sack and drown them in the canal?" "I can't do that!" I said horrified. "Your mum yeah, but I quite like your dad." :hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I've come up with a way to unite the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland. Send over a million pakis!!!!!!!!!! :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Crookbond Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 Dad: "Condoms are not a sure thing. You wouldn't get on a plane that was 99% sure to land safely, would you?" Son: "It depends. What does the plane look like?"
punjabiplaya Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 My wife went to the doctors to see what the spot was between her tits. She returned home relieved to be told it was her belly button!
punjabiplaya Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Just checked the burgers in my freezer aannnd THEY'RE OFF Had a burger from Tesco for dinner- it gave me the trotts but I'm in a stable condition...........
punjabiplaya Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 I got sacked from my job with the Samaritans today. Someone called Abdul phoned and said "IAm lying on a railway track and waiting for a train to come" All I said was ; Remain calm and stay on the line :hysterical:
suraj Posted January 18, 2013 Posted January 18, 2013 How do Pinocchio and his girlfriend make love? She sits on his face and he tells lies :cantstop: :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical: who thinks of these ???
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I think someone may be sending me death threats. Woke up this morning with a Tesco burger on my pillow. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I was in the cafe in tescos earlier ! The waitress asked if I wanted anything on my burger ! Yes I said £5 each way ! :--D
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Everyone keeps going on about the snow like they've never seen it before. Mind you, most of the UK is made up of African and paki immigrants now so they probabaly haven't. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 A Highways Agency warning said anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing, including a scarf, hat, gloves, 24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads. I looked a right idiot on the bus this morning. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 BREAKING NEWS: Liverpool to sell Andy Carroll to Tesco.
punjabiplaya Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 For pete's sake...please tell me that someone has checked Tesco's 'c*ck-a-leeky soup' :--D
clarkP Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Fair enough. I love the last joke.:giggle::giggle:
1983-2011 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 tesco's been sellin beef burgers with some horse meat in it
punjabiplaya Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 My girlfriend thinks its hilarious that my mates call me 'Kermit'. She says their implying that I'm a skinny,neurotic,push over. She doesn't know they only started calling me that when I started shag*ing that fat fecking pig. :hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 All the Mrs has done since it started snowing is look through the window. If it gets any worse I will have to let her in.
punjabiplaya Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 China has jumped on the bandwagon, they are now selling quarter pandas! :hysterical::hysterical:
Recommended Posts