punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 "999 Which emergency service do you require, sir?" "Police, please. My house is going to be burgled by four black kids." "Are they on the premises now, sir?" "No, they're moving in next door." :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 My mate said, "How's things going with your new girlfriend?" I said, "Really good, we're getting on great. Her 3 year-old son is a little monkey though." He said, "Is he mischievous?" I said, "No, black."
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I went to Dubai recently on holiday and I was offered 20 Camels in exchange for my wife. I don't actually smoke but I thought feck it, best offer I'm likely to get. :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 im fed up of jokes bout pakis......... so i have some positives... Errrm a positive thing about paki's that most people tend to overlook,is that the leading country when it comes to the conservation of bathwater. :cantstop:
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I'm afraid it's not good news Mr.Mandela" said his doctor. "What is it?" he asked. "I'm afraid there is no easy way to tell you this" he replied. "We're having to move you to Prince Phillips ward."
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I had to run for my life today when a deranged paki mounted the kerb and started chasing me down the pavement. Fortunately, an armed police officer saw what was happening and shot the bas*ard through the windscreen. "Are you ok" asked the police officer, as I stood there catching my breath. "Thank god you shot him before he caught up with me." I replied... "He would have made me pay the fare."
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I went out the other night on the pull with my mate, Retard Dave, thinking he'd make me look good. In the first bar we went into I saw this gorgeous blonde and told him to look after my drink while i went to chat her up. Five minutes later I was back, having got absolutely nowhere. Retard Dave then told me he was going to have a go. I laughed and advised him not to as he'd make a fool of himself. But up he went and chatted to her and five minutes later they were walking out together with him giving me the thumbs up. I was both amazed and devastated. How could she have chosen him after me. Yet I was strangely proud of him as well The next day I walked into the pub and there he was, sat upon a bar stool, nursing a pint all alone, looking like he was feeling sorry for himself "Retard Dave! You de man!" I greeted him ..."so....come on then....tell us how you got on with that bird last night" "It was terrible" he said....."terrible!" "Why...what happened?" I asked He continued "Well...I asked her if she wanted a drink and she said "forget the drink handsome...just take me home and make mad sweet passionate love to me". So we went back to her house, went up the stairs, took all our clothes off, when all of a sudden we heard the front door open . She shouts out..."It's my husband!....Quick! Hide!"" "Oh that's bad luck" I said "Worse!" he replies. "The only place I could hide was outside the window. So I climb out and cling to the window ledge. Up comes her husband....says he needs a piss, comes up to the window and pisses out of it....all over me!" "That's terrible" I say. "Worse!" he replies. "There I am, clinging to the window ledge, freezing cold, nothing on, covered in piss, when all of a sudden her husband says he needs a sh*t. So he comes up to the window and shits out of it....all over me!" "God that's awful" I say "Worse!" he replies. There I am, clinging to the window ledge, freezing cold, nothing on, covered in piss, covered in sh*t, when all of a sudden her husband says he needs to puke. So he comes up to the window and pukes out of it....all over me!" "That's fecking unbelieveable!" I say "Worse!" he replies "Worse?" I say "What the feck could be worse than that??" "Well" says Retard Dave ..."There I am, clinging to the window ledge, freezing cold, nothing on, covered in piss, covered in sh*t, covered in puke...and when I looked down I was only two inches off the ground!"
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 30 pakistanis died in bradford this morning it was not a terrorst attack a bunk bed collapsed the police are blameing al ikea
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Texting for the over 40's and 50's. The kids have all their SMS codes like WTF, LOL and PMSL etc. So here are some codes for the more mature; ATD = At The Doctors, BFF = Best Friends Funeral, BTW = Bring The Wheelchair, HGBM = Had Good Bowel Movement, WTL = Where's The Lubricant, ISMSA = I've Sh*t My self Again, WTFMT = Where The Fecks My Teeth.l
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 It's rumoured that the next actor to play 007 James Bond will be black. Can you imagine the film titles!?... 1) From Brixton with Love. 2) Brownfinger. 3) The Man with the Stolen Gun. 4) The Spy Who Mugged Me. 5) Coonraker
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 To the person who nicked my trainers when I was on the bouncy castle. Fecking grow up..........
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 After sex with my wife, I like to light a cigarette and just lie in bed. I haven't smoked for about six years now.
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 A biker stops when he notice - a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge. He asks her: Do U mind giving me the final kiss before you jump? She quietly accepted & gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he ever had. When she finished, he said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had. Why are you committing suicide? She replied: My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl. :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I had a phone call from the school today. They said, "Your son has just spray painted Pakis Are dirty feckers' in giant letters across the playground." "You must be joking?" I said, "I don't believe for a second that he's actually done it." "Well, he did." she replied, "I watched him." "Fair play then," I said, "I owe him a tenner." :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
Desi Cartman Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 This is why men dont want to answer their wife's questions. One such example .... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not! WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she wear my bra " HUSBAND: "No, her size is 34 D urs is 32 D ." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "****
Sidhoni Posted July 2, 2013 Posted July 2, 2013 This is why men dont want to answer their wife's questions. One such example .... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not! WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she wear my bra " HUSBAND: "No, her size is 34 D urs is 32 D ." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "**** :hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Could everyone here for the Erectile dysfunction convention... Please all rise :haha:
punjabiplaya Posted July 2, 2013 Author Posted July 2, 2013 Of course black people all look the same. That's what prison uniforms are for.
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