jokes

[Sachinism]

When Michael Jackson died, everybody saw past the child molestation and praised him for his music. Does this mean when Josef Fritzel dies, he'll be heralded as a DIY genius?

[Dark Warrior]

On my death bed my missus said, "Can I do anything that can help you go in peace?" I said, "Yeah, shut the **** up."

[Dark Warrior]

I've just bought a JVC LCD 1080P HD TV. The rest of the alphabet was out of stock.

[Guest Gunner]

A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve any superconductors in this bar". The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.

:cantstop:

:hysterical::hysterical::hysterical:

haha :haha::haha:

Its wonderful to see that all the electricians are having a nice laugh too. :two_thumbs_up:

[punjabiplaya]

Theres a new sex position in the karma Sutra called the plumber. Both of u stay in all day and no fecker cums.

[punjabiplaya]

I watched 2 midgets kicking the sh*t out of each other in the car park today. It was probably the shortest fight I've ever seen!

[punjabiplaya]

I said to my wife, 'When I die, I'm going to leave everything to you.' She said, 'You do anyway you lazy bast*rd !'

[punjabiplaya]

A policeman knocked on my door today and told me that he had caught my dog chasing someone on his bike,I said feck off my dog has't even got a bike!

[punjabiplaya]

What do you call an Indian with pink hair? Ghandifloss. :giggle:

[punjabiplaya]

Got sacked very late last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen. Ungrateful fecks ! All I said was "Hurry up you lot! Some of us have got homes to go to"

[punjabiplaya]

Two Irish men looking through a catalogue. Paddy say's "look at those gorgeous women! The price's are reasonable too," Mick agrees! "I am ordering one of them right now."3 week's later, Paddy say's "Has your woman turned up yet?" "No" said Mick. "But it shouldn't be long now. Her clothes arrived yesterday"!

[punjabiplaya]

My racing snail is not winning races anymore. I decided to take his shell off to reduce his weight & make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work. If anything its made him more sluggish...

[Dark Warrior]

My mate said he's been having sleepless nights because he's paranoid and thinks people are watching him. Which confused me, he looked very relaxed in the bath this morning.

[Dark Warrior]

The Liverpool FC manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over.Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left, the manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans ...are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he said 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.' 'Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such a wonderful time.' The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.' 'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum,'It's your ****ing fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!

[Aaku]

Its wonderful to see that all the electricians are having a nice laugh too. :two_thumbs_up:

:hysterical:

[seedhi]

If God had just taken out a few more ribs' date=' Adam wouldn't have needed a woman at all.[/quote'] :giggle:

[punjabiplaya]

pakis nan walked in on him having a w*nk! She was so shocked she had a stroke. he said couldn't believe how soft her hands were.....

[punjabiplaya]

What's the difference between a magpie and a blackbird ? A magpie doesn't have big rubbery lips, stupid curly hair and a big fat ass

[punjabiplaya]

3 parrots for sale, £150, £120 and £10. Woman asks "whys this one so cheap?" man replies "it used to live in a brothel" Woman finds this funny and takes the parrot home. When inside the parrot says "feck me, a new brothel" Woman laughs. Her 2 daughters come home and parrot says "feck me, new girls" They laugh. Husband comes home and parrot say "feck me, kieth, long time no see"

[punjabiplaya]

My mate just adopted a black child and christened him "Google" I asked why, he said, May as well as he's gonna spend most of his feckin life getting searched