Lurker Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q1. Is it okay to cheat on your spouse? A1: The easy answer to that of course is NO. However this is one of those real-life questions that does not have clear shades of Black and White. There are a lot of grey involved here. Generally speaking most people get married around 30, plus minus 5 years. Assuming life-span of modern individual around 65 this means almost 35 years of monogamous relationship. This is easier said than done. Every relationship, affair/marriage/pre/post marital loses its charm/spark mojo after a while. It just does. There is a clear difference between the first date and 100th, first kiss and 100th and so on. That coupled with real-life issues(work, family, kids) can make couples slowly but often surely pull away from each other. In such a scenario its not uncommon to think that people will cheat, specially on emotional level, if not completely physical. It is kinda widely accepted that after a few years couples, specially women, tend to think of their men as someone else while the ahmmm act is happening. Is this fantasy cheating too? I mean would you as a person be offended if your spouse is there thinking instead of you it is Arjun Rampal/Eminem/Aishwarya/Halle Berry whatever??? Kushwant Singh is on record saying "Every man and woman will cheat...if he can get away with it". I kinda tend to agree with that. But the easy answer of course is NO. Q3. Is it okay to make fun of others? A3: No. The best jokes are the ones that are poked at oneself. People who are secure in themselves would have the courage to laugh at themselves while the insecure people are those who laugh by cracking jokes at others. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CC1981 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Wow Lurker. Deep and insightful post there. Unfortunately, i am nowhere experienced enough to comment on your post about what happens when one stays married for too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
head coach Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Lurker, Excellent post there. But let me post a followup question to your theory. If the fantasies of a sexual nature helps you regain your lost mojo in sex life why not put that energy you regained back into your spouse and lightup that lost sex life instead of finding a replacement? ps: question not directed at Lurker's personal life:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? This is gonna be a thread that looks at certain things in daily life and identify whether its okay for you or not. Here goes the first one: 1. Is it okay to cheat on your spouse? NO....why is that even a question? Now, that is a valid question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? But let me post a followup question to your theory. If the fantasies of a sexual nature helps you regain your lost mojo in ***** life why not put that energy you regained back into your spouse and lightup that lost ***** life instead of finding a replacement? Because it just doesnt work that way HC. Look at it this way, why do guys love to look at porn? Movies, pictures, heck now you have sites with hidden SMS clips for crying out loud! Most of us have looked at porn sites at various times in our life. Even those who are married(and will claim they are very happily married - not that I am doubting in any way). Why? From a guys point of view(by the way porn watching is not only guys idea these days just check how many girls you can meet on internet/myspace like that), porn means just one thing - skin. Period! Dont give me this bs about wanting to look at Japanese/Latino/Caucasian females..You want to go online because you want to see naked skin...a skin different from your very own wifey. Maybe as a guy we often have this urge to just see a different body who knows. And if that is indeed the case how are you ever going to put that mojo into your own married life? I mean your wifey shall remain that one body that you shall see anyway. This is one area where things have been changing rapidly for Humans. A century back I doubt men/women have this feeling(or access to internet). Heck had you asked the same question even 20 years back every person(excluding Hippies) would have said NO. Today it is not so much the case perhaps. ps: hopefully the post was not too graffic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CC1981 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Lurker, if you remember a very colourful poster from the former ICF ( Sparky/Reverend), he once said : TBPITNP - The Best *censored* is the next *censored*. Think of what word can start with P and be censored in this context. You kinda sound like that. :hic: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Lurker, if you remember a very colourful poster from the former ICF ( Sparky/Reverend), he once said : TBPITNP - The Best *censored* is the next *censored*. Think of what word can start with P and be censored in this context. You kinda sound like that. :hic: lol nice one there. I wasnt around on the old board..cant say I even went there to read much though a few times my articles did end there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
head coach Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q3. Is it okay to make fun of others? A3: No. The best jokes are the ones that are poked at oneself. People who are secure in themselves would have the courage to laugh at themselves while the insecure people are those who laugh by cracking jokes at others. xxxxx Well said Lurker, I think comedy in general revolves around making fun at others but its important where you draw the line and do not hurt another individual by your joke. Making that determination is hard sometimes. ps: Not a move to make Bumper and Gambit out of business on these forums :hic: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q1. Is it okay to cheat on your spouse? A1: The easy answer to that of course is NO. However this is one of those real-life questions that does not have clear shades of Black and White. There are a lot of grey involved here. Generally speaking most people get married around 30, plus minus 5 years. Assuming life-span of modern individual around 65 this means almost 35 years of monogamous relationship. This is easier said than done. Every relationship, affair/marriage/pre/post marital loses its charm/spark mojo after a while. It just does. There is a clear difference between the first date and 100th, first kiss and 100th and so on. That coupled with real-life issues(work, family, kids) can make couples slowly but often surely pull away from each other. In such a scenario its not uncommon to think that people will cheat, specially on emotional level, if not completely physical. It is kinda widely accepted that after a few years couples, specially women, tend to think of their men as someone else while the ahmmm act is happening. Is this fantasy cheating too? I mean would you as a person be offended if your spouse is there thinking instead of you it is Arjun Rampal/Eminem/Aishwarya/Halle Berry whatever??? Kushwant Singh is on record saying "Every man and woman will cheat...if he can get away with it". I kinda tend to agree with that. But the easy answer of course is NO. Q3. Is it okay to make fun of others? A3: No. The best jokes are the ones that are poked at oneself. People who are secure in themselves would have the courage to laugh at themselves while the insecure people are those who laugh by cracking jokes at others. xxxxx Lurker I don't full agree but I don't fully disagree with your post either :hic: If I round things up then I have been with my partner for 10 years. In that time NOT once have I thought about another girl while making love. If I did I would be lying to myself...I have never felt the need as I absolutely love and adore my wife. My love with each passing day grows stronger and with each day I observe and appreciate every little thing that my wife does more and more. So I fully disagree when it comes to you saying that the spark of a monogamous relationship goes away with time. Sure first kiss is different from 10000000the kiss but the intensity for us is still same if not 1000times stronger. I do agree that what you say probably applies to 80% of marriages or more...I don't have any statistics. I work on my marriage and the rewards are there for me. I don't take my partner for granted just because I have been with her 10 years. The value of my wife actually increases for me with each passing day. What is more shocking is that I was a womaniser before I met my wife. I guess deep inside I was looking for that one special person :hic: I will admit that my marriage is an exception to the rule though. My marriage from my observation is not how most other marriages pan out. Btw I am not writing the above to get a medal or for a pat on the back from invisible people online. I am just stating what my reality is. Have I lusted after other ladies? Yes I have but that is in my private fantasy land away from my sexual relationship with my wife. Private fantasy is perfectly normal and healthy. If I bring those fantasies into the bed then I would have serious issues as it would mean to me that I lust after other girls more than my wife. Which is not true and maybe that is why in 10year I have never thought about other ladies in bed. Although from my research I gather it is VERY common among couples. I am not gonna proof read my post so I hope it makes some sense. Just my POV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Good on you GKD. It is never easy to write a personal account, specially in a matter that is so close to bone as this, but thanks for being candid and open. My observation of course was generally speaking and so it may or may not apply to you. :wtg: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q4. Which model is better - Western parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career of his own and then concentrates on nurturing his kids without much concern(day to day) of their parents. OR South Asian parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career and then takes care of his parents, often it can become a quarterly act of sending money/remittance etc. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? 1. no 2. no 3. yes... but to a limit... and its even fun when the person were talkin abt it there too... cos then its obviously a joke and not meant to hurt feelings... (im thinking abt me and my sis.... We always do this...:hic:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aqua Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q4. Which model is better - Western parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career of his own and then concentrates on nurturing his kids without much concern(day to day) of their parents. OR South Asian parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career and then takes care of his parents, often it can become a quarterly act of sending money/remittance etc. ? South Asian... :hic: hey... they looked after us when we were kids... wats the big deal if we keep em happy in their last days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q4. Which model is better - Western parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career of his own and then concentrates on nurturing his kids without much concern(day to day) of their parents. OR South Asian parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career and then takes care of his parents, often it can become a quarterly act of sending money/remittance etc. ? None! A middle ground would be ideal. I have no respect for couples who bring kids to this world hoping that they would take care of them when they are older...what selfish cr@p. The amount of marriage problems that result due to inlaws living with young married couples is shocking. Btw sending money would be easy part...actually living with parents is the difficult part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gator Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? model 1 is very common in the animal kingdom.... it is genetically hardcoded for parents to nurture and care for the offsprings.... model 2 is what set humans apart from animals.... i live in San diego, which is the hub of retirement and seniors homes along with florida... it pains me to see 80 yr olds handling things on their own.... my wife does a lot of voluntary work for them.... but model 2 is reallly sick... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? model 1 is very common in the animal kingdom.... it is genetically hardcoded for parents to nurture and care for the offsprings.... model 2 is what set humans apart from animals.... i live in San diego, which is the hub of retirement and seniors homes along with florida... it pains me to see 80 yr olds handling things on their own.... my wife does a lot of voluntary work for them.... but model 2 is reallly sick... Well animals nurture their kids but the kids don't nurture their parents once they grow old. We are animals as well. 80year old handling things on their own is sad I agree. See the thing is that once I get old and not able to take care of myself I would just go down the path of voluntary death. I visit my parents regularly and phone them regularly but I could not live with them for the sake of my sanity. In the worst case I would obviously take them in as I would not want them to suffer like the San Diego folks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dial_100 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Easy question. it depends on what is cheating in your world. In my world. I failed miserably. Trying to play a catch up game now. Trouble is we all pay for what we do. For me fantasy, thoughts, acts are all the same. Before marriage, after marriage doesn't matter. We cannot cheat anyone but ourselves. Cheating one's spouse is very bad. Luckky to have forgiving partner.... Oh... wait a second. Dont asume that I had cheated my wife by having afair or anything...But whatever it was it was cheating...Trying to correct it. :wtg: :wtg: Gonna take years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
head coach Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 Re: Is it okay? Q4. Which model is better - Western parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career of his own and then concentrates on nurturing his kids without much concern(day to day) of their parents. OR South Asian parents nurturing their kid who grows up to have a career and then takes care of his parents, often it can become a quarterly act of sending money/remittance etc. ? Lurker, the second option has become so mundance nowadays that people just send money home and have the parents take care of themselves. It's a pity that in your old age none of the children stick around to take care of your needs and go away in search of better prospects. I think Assisted living for elders will be one of the foremost needs India will face sooner or later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Re: Is it okay? There is only one person we can cheat. And that is ourselves. Using not-so-honest means to do things might benifit us in the short term ' date=' but will hurt us in the long term. So when we cheat , we think we are fooling others , but in reality we are fooling ourselves...[/quote'] Agree so much ...if you can look yourself in the eye or the mirror then its ok ...otherwise it will harm you in the long run. I have never blatently cheated in exams....may be asked if the formula was correct :shhh: (i needed help with maths ...i was numerically challenged :hic: )....but have helped others .... No guilt what so ever. Never cheated on spouse.... having crushes is not cheating no? :chin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beetle Posted April 14, 2007 Share Posted April 14, 2007 Re: Is it okay? 1)Cheating on spouse....not ok 2)Cheating in exams .....not ok...but a bit of help in remembering things is ok i guess :hic: 3)making fun of others is ok if it is not hurtful and if you can take it yourself too. 4)A mix of both systems. The eastern system is too loaded against the daughter in law to be considered a fair sysyem. The mothers bring up both the boy and girl .....they go through the same pain in giving birth and bringing up ...but a girl has to go to another house to serve strangers who have no hand in her upbringing .How is that fair? Of course the brother of the girl can get a wife to look after his parents. This whole system reduces a women to a person brought into this earth just to serve others...ek ehsaan chukane waali. My inlaws drive me crazy.And the only way to live sanely is to live seperately. As long as they are strong enough physically and mentally to trouble their bahu...they can stay seperately . I meet them regularly ...sukh aur dukh mein...especially dukh mein...but after things are normal..i go back to a saner life without them. When the times comes for them to finally come and stay with us...i will accept them..it will be end of my sanity ...but i will do it...and do it well ..not because i care about them....only because they have given me a man i care about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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