Captain of Bhangra Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread LOLLLLL @ that letter, and LOLLLLL @ L'il Johnny!...
Predator_05 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Why is it that people can never find a big-holed blow-up doll when they need one ? --- A captain of the UN Peacekeeping Force was transferred to a desert outpost in Iraq. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "...so what's the camel for ?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and with a lot of our men being so far away from their girlfriends, they tend to develop sexual urges. So whenever they are in the mood, we have the camel." The captain said, "Interesting ! Well, if it's good for the soldiers' morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the outpost for a lonely 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore. He summoned his Sergeant and told him, "Bring me that camel !" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain's quarters. The captain put a foot stool down by the camel's rear and proceeded to have vigorous anal sex with the camel. An hour passed, until he stepped down from the stool...feeling more satisfied than ever. After buttoning up his pants he grinned and asked the sergeant, "So that how the soldiers do it, eh?" The sergeant replied, "Errr....well the thing is sir...they usually just use it to ride into town."
maatugaara Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: bloddy awesome captain...showing his men how to save time...
yoda Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Dirty_South Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Nice jokes..Can u post some more Little Jhonny jokes... :hic:
yoda Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing home residents. They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home. The other woman said that her sex life was great! "The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her, "when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!" Ethel says, "I'm going to try that tonight!" When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes. Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move. It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!"
Inside_edge Posted January 10, 2007 Posted January 10, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Don't know if some one posted this already. Anyway, Little Johny : Grandpa, how was my dad born? Grandpa: I presented a red rose to your grandma and she returned it back, thats how. Little Johny: Then how was I born? Grandpa: Same way. Your dad gave a rose to your mom and she returned it back. Little Johny: Why? In those days there was no fukking at all??
gator Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Two women were talking about their lives since they had become Nursing home residents. They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home. The other woman said that her sex life was great! "The secret to great sex is this," the woman told her, "when my husband is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lay on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night!" Ethel says, "I'm going to try that tonight!" When Ethel's husband is getting ready in the bathroom that night, she takes off all her clothes. Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move. It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!" :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
King Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Don't know if some one posted this already. Anyway, Little Johny : Grandpa, how was my dad born? Grandpa: I presented a red rose to your grandma and she returned it back, thats how. Little Johny: Then how was I born? Grandpa: Same way. Your dad gave a rose to your mom and she returned it back. Little Johny: Why? In those days there was no fukking at all?? :lmao:
Inside_edge Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Little Johny beckons his younger sister while peeping thru the key hole of master bed room where the parents were obviously having a great time. While the show was on, little Johny turns to his sister and snorts "and we are not even allowed to pick our nose!"
yoda Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Crying old man An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old man, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
Predator_05 Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Forza Italia ! --- A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. An american woman is sitting across from them. The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is rabbed when she hears one of the men say the following: "So Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "Oh my god ! You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig !!!" shouts the American lady indignantly. She proceeds to walk over to the man and slaps him across the face. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives !! How dare you !" "Hey, hey ! Coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella ...'Mississippi'."
audioman Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Crying old man An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. "Well," says the old man, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love." The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!" :lmao: :lmao:
Count Dooku Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Forza Italia ! --- A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. An american woman is sitting across from them. The woman isn't paying attention to their conversation at first, but her attention is rabbed when she hears one of the men say the following: "So Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "Oh my god ! You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig !!!" shouts the American lady indignantly. She proceeds to walk over to the man and slaps him across the face. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives !! How dare you !" "Hey, hey ! Coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella ...'Mississippi'." :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Predator_05 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread Next time you go to a video store, try to ask for these titles; ---- White Man Can't Hump Shaving Ryan's Privates A Clockwork Orgy Full Latex Jacket Crocodile DoneMe Sleeping Booty Honey, I shrunk your clit Batman in Robin Lord of the Ring Free MyWilly James Bondage E-Three: The Extra Testicle Scrotal Recall Monty's Python and the Holey Girl Black C0ck Down How Stella Got Her Tube Packed Bruce Allmeaty Lawrence of A-Labia Stop or my Muck Will Shoot
yoda Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Predator_05 Posted February 3, 2007 Author Posted February 3, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread How to be good parent... --- One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight over expenses, and the husband went on to call his wife a "b*tch" and the wife called the husband a "dirty bastard". Their son accidently walked in and innocently said, "Mommy, daddy - what do the words b*tch and dirty bastard mean?" The parents, in shock - looked at each other and quickly replied "errr...they are just words for ladies and gentlemen !". The next day the parents decided to have some make-up sex. The wife said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my d*ck". Their son again accidently overheard them, and walked into their room to innocently ask; "Mommy, daddy - what are titties and d*cks ?" To which the parents replied "errr, hats and coats !". Soon it was Thanksgiving day. The dad was shaving when he cut himself, "Sh*t !" he said, and upon hearing this the kid came in and asked "What does that mean ?" The dad said it was the brand of the shaving cream he was using. Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey for an upcoming party, when she accidently cut herself. "F uck !" she said. Once again the kid overheard and curiously asked, "What does that mean ?" The mom, like his father - said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The family had arrived. The kid answered the door to his relatives and with a big smile on his face, welcomed them by saying - "Come on in you b*tches and dirty bastards ! Put your titties and d*cks in the closet !! Daddy is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and mommy is in the kitchen f ucking the turkey !!!
Aqua Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread How to be good parent... --- One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight over expenses, and the husband went on to call his wife a "b*tch" and the wife called the husband a "dirty bastard". Their son accidently walked in and innocently said, "Mommy, daddy - what do the words b*tch and dirty bastard mean?" The parents, in shock - looked at each other and quickly replied "errr...they are just words for ladies and gentlemen !". The next day the parents decided to have some make-up sex. The wife said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my d*ck". Their son again accidently overheard them, and walked into their room to innocently ask; "Mommy, daddy - what are titties and d*cks ?" To which the parents replied "errr, hats and coats !". Soon it was Thanksgiving day. The dad was shaving when he cut himself, "Sh*t !" he said, and upon hearing this the kid came in and asked "What does that mean ?" The dad said it was the brand of the shaving cream he was using. Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey for an upcoming party, when she accidently cut herself. "F uck !" she said. Once again the kid overheard and curiously asked, "What does that mean ?" The mom, like his father - said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The family had arrived. The kid answered the door to his relatives and with a big smile on his face, welcomed them by saying - "Come on in you b*tches and dirty bastards ! Put your titties and d*cks in the closet !! Daddy is upstairs wiping the sh*t off his face, and mommy is in the kitchen f ucking the turkey !!! :wtg: :hic:
Inside_edge Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Re: The Predator_05 Adult Humour thread It was Christmas time. A lady invites a postman to her home who just delivered a packet.Surprised the mailman agrees to get in. The lady serves him breakfast, offers to have sex with her to which he obliges and finally pays him a dollar as he steps out. The postman asks her politely," can you please explain, why did you do all that?" The lady says, well over the weekend my son and husband were making a list of people we must buy gifts for Christmas.After they were done with a long list of community helpers I noticed they'd missed you.I asked my husband 'what about the postman?" and he said "Fuk the postman, give him a dollar".
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