yoda Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!" George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him. The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquires. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship." "Thank you!" the woman responds. The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_South Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gambit Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." A couple hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters returned from school. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended at first, but then began to laugh about the situation. A couple of hours later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores. Hi George!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 23, 2007 Author Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_South Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_South Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil. From the film - Man of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesiChap Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gator Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47." Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoda Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out, "watch out for the wall!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apocalypse Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :hic: :hic: nice ones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaurav Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Re: Post debacle cheer up joke thread... :lmao: :lmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts